Hello - new to forum with questions

[Heather1821]

Hello, I’m a 60 year old woman who lives in the north-west of England. It’s recently been suggested to me that I might be neurodivergent (by an OT nurse). I have wondered for some time if I may have been a dyspraxic child, and this question from the OT nurse make me want to explore that. The main symptom as an adult that made me wonder is my clumsiness and a history of falls. However, once I started reading about childhood symptoms there were many that I had a history of as a child, and some as an adult. I’ll be honest, if I do have dyspraxia I think as an adult I’ve learned to compensate, but not without some costs (including my mental health). I’m wondering if it is unusual to potentially ‘discover’ this relatively late in life, and whether it’s worth looking into some sort of assessment (which I know I’d have to pay for)? I don’t think it would change much now (I’m nearing retirement) but it may help me to understand some of the difficulties I’ve had during my life. Any advice would be very gratefully received

[Emmajane55]

Hello Heather, I too am new to this forum, and in the same age bracket at 55, and I too am wondering about the value of a paid assessment. I must say, reading other stories, I definitely feel like I have found my tribe in a lot of ways. But I'm torn as to the value of having a paid for diagnosis.

First let me point out, no one can tell you what to do, the choice is yours and yours alone. But there are definitely pros and cons. The pros and cons change I think with age and I am pretty sure that with the help children can get to mitigate the effects of dyspraxia as they grow and develop, that the pros outweigh the cons for the very young. But for the likes of you and me it boils down to personal preference rather than an absolute choice of you must get an assessment because it could render you so much help and support. Let me be clear, the support for older adults with dyspraxia is pretty much non existent. Plus, we grew up in an era when it wasn't even a recognised condition and we have developed unique personalities and unique coping skills as a result. Our ways of doing things and coping are ingrained and hard to alter.

That is as much as we will have in common. Your coping skills and life exeriences will be unique to you.

I can't advise you on the best course of action with regards to an assesment. No one can. You, and you alone, must weigh up the financial cost of an assessment(nearly £1000) versus the potential benefits, if any to having a diagnosis. Or indeed the financial costs of an assessment versus discovering you do not indeed meet the criteria.

I will just list some of the cons and pros as I myself see them and maybe they chime with you and maybe they do not.

Cons:
Expense. It will cost between £700 and £1000 depending on where in the country you are, what organisation you go through, what package you go for and indeed whether or not you also test for other potentially comorbid conditions like Autism, dyslexia or ADHD.

Relevance. in middle age it just may not have any relevance to your life. You are at age where you are winding down and leaving the work force and there may be no point getting a diagnosis as there may be little point seeking changes to employers conditions in the workplace for yourself.

Risk of non diagnosis. You may spend all that money only to find you don't meet the criteria and then you have nothing to show for the expense. In my case I am genuinely trying to choose between new carpet or a diagnosis. In the long run, a hard wearing new carpet may be the better investment.

Treatment. There is no treatment or cure for dyspraxia. There are educational and training mitigations and coping skills that can be taught to the very young but obviously, these will not be applicable to a middle aged person who has left education and evolved her own coping mechanisms throughout life.

Pros:
Self knowledge. Just understanding why your life has been the way it has been can be life changing. Or exhonerating. Or just finally fitting somewhere and making sense of life. For me it has actually been kind of a relief to find my tribe in a lot of senses. I've always felt like a square peg in a round hole. And always felt alone and misunderstood. Much less so now after finding this forum.

Work place adjustments. If you are still in work you can, with a diagnosis, compel your employer to make adjustments to your routine or work load or environment that will make life much better. Dyspraxia is a legally recognised disability and as such employers are expected to make reasonable adjustments for it.

Understanding from others. It may be helpful to your friends and family to know that you have dyspraxia. It may encourage them to be more understanding, help them make sense of you a bit more. Promote acceptance.

In the end, only you can know what will be right for you. I encourage you to explore this forum and read the many experiences and stories here. In the end, just finding that there are people from all over the globe, whose experiences chime with yours may be enough. I've learned on this forum that they call that being self discovered rather than diagnosed. I think it is apt. Myself, I'm still torn between the much needed new carpet and the assessment. I suspect the carpet will win. But we'll see. Good luck. And welcome.

[Tom fod]

Hello, I’m a 60 year old woman who lives in the north-west of England. It’s recently been suggested to me that I might be neurodivergent (by an OT nurse). I have wondered for some time if I may have been a dyspraxic child, and this question from the OT nurse make me want to explore that. The main symptom as an adult that made me wonder is my clumsiness and a history of falls. However, once I started reading about childhood symptoms there were many that I had a history of as a child, and some as an adult. I’ll be honest, if I do have dyspraxia I think as an adult I’ve learned to compensate, but not without some costs (including my mental health). I’m wondering if it is unusual to potentially ‘discover’ this relatively late in life, and whether it’s worth looking into some sort of assessment (which I know I’d have to pay for)? I don’t think it would change much now (I’m nearing retirement) but it may help me to understand some of the difficulties I’ve had during my life. Any advice would be very gratefully received

Hi Heather
A lot of people are self-discovered/self-declaring but equally having a professional write a report can help you feel confident in declaring and can go.some way to compelling an employer to provide reasonable adjustments where needed.

There was v much a bias towards males because females often presented differently so their struggles were missed. This happened to girls and women who were autistic and/or who had ADHD too.

Sometimes people learn when another family member is identified. I've met a number of ladies and gentlemen who have discovered their dyspraxia in post 50.

[Heather1821]

Dear EmmaJane and Tom,

Many thanks for your replies - very helpful.

EmmaJane, I think it's unlikely that I will get the assessment - for exactly the reasons you pointed out. I am approaching retirement and I don't need the workplace adjustment. For me knowing would just be an explanation for many of the behaviours I've exhibited during my life. As I said I do think I've tended to adapt - i.e. avoided team sports or anything that involves good balance! Computers have, I think, made a massive difference - when I at school my writing was terrible and I had to do everything in capitals (I struggled with joined up writing), but word processors have largely negated that. I drive an automatic - though if I'd known, I probably wouldn't have spent loads of money on manual lessons and gone straight to automatic; my issues with relationships, I do have friends, but find groups difficult - in the past I often got drunk as a way to deal with them - then as I got older I've just tended to avoid such situations. I'm left-handed and still have some issues with differentiating between left and right, etc, etc.

I would have liked to have seen what it says on my early medical records about my early problems with walking/mobility, and why I had speech therapy. Unfortunately, they seem to have lost them! (I've moved around a lot) though I might try and see if they can look into this.

So overall, I think I will probably just accept the self-diagnosis. I have just received the Mary Colley book, so will have a look at that. Of course there are some things that don't fit (or not any more because I've learnt ways of coping), but I think if I was a child now with the same issues that I had, I would definitely be undergoing assessment. Unfortunately my parents have been dead for many years, so I can't ask them and my older brother doesn't really remember, as he was only a year older than me.

But thanks again for your responses - very helpful

[Heather1821]

Hi Tom, just out of interest, how does dyspraxia present differently in girls - is this dealt with in the Colley book? I'll have to have a look. I know this is the case with Autism.

[Tom fod]

Hi Tom, just out of interest, how does dyspraxia present differently in girls - is this dealt with in the Colley book? I'll have to have a look. I know this is the case with Autism.

I think it's as much to do with differing expectations and perhaps girls are better at masking /staying under the radar as things expected of boys differ.

That's not to say the difficulties that girls with dyspraxia are any less of a challenge for them.

Not read Mary Colley's book. The other book I read (some years ago now) was Caged In Chaos by Victoria Biggs.

[Heather1821]

Thanks for your reply Tom. I'm still thinking about it. It's difficult when you are so much older and looking back - it's difficult to remember much from childhood, and I do thing I've managed to adapt so much as an adult. There are definitely a number of activities that I have avoided over the years - which all seem to coincide with the things that are a challenge for those with dyspraxia!

[Tom fod]

Thanks for your reply Tom. I'm still thinking about it. It's difficult when you are so much older and looking back - it's difficult to remember much from childhood, and I do thing I've managed to adapt so much as an adult. There are definitely a number of activities that I have avoided over the years - which all seem to coincide with the things that are a challenge for those with dyspraxia!

While mine was identified when I was 14idh I don't recall anyone sitting me down to explain it to me. Not sure I would have listened or understood. I learned c22 years later in 2010/11. I was quite academic but struggled with the social side and my coping strategies were often not sustainable or good for my emotional wellbeing. It's understandable and natural that we dwell on the past to try to better understand where and who we are.

If you wanted to I could introduce you to some dyspraxia female friends who are retired/semi-retired.

It's not about ticking every trait in the list just a sufficient number of then. You'll find dyspraxics in the most unlikely of places and job roles.

This Years Dyspraxia Awareness Week in early Oct is due to focus on Dyspraxia for older Adults.
Hosting I think will be from Dyspraxia Magazine and I think the Dyspraxia Collective.