Do I have Dyspraxia and if so, how Dyspraxic am I?

[Hugs91]

Hi, I’m Alex. I’m from York, England and I’m 33 years old. I’ve not been formally diagnosed with Dyspraxia. I’ve been told by a psychologist when I was being assessed for Asperger’s at 16 y/o that I have Dyspraxia. I don’t know much about the condition and would like to learn more. I have never spoke to anyone with Dyspraxia about the condition. I would like to get an idea about how markedly I am affected by Dyspraxia. Am I on the moderate or severe end of it, or are there people far worse off than me who find it debilitating whilst by comparison I’m not affected in any real meaningful way and I’m just moaning over nothing? I would like to hear other peoples’ thoughts and it wouldn’t offend me what your opinion is either way.

I wouldn’t say that I am clumsy or accident prone like I have seen web pages about Dyspraxia mention and I don’t have problems with my handwriting. I do have other issues around co-ordination and balance though.

At school, my main problem with Dyspraxia was that I couldn’t tie my shoelaces. Being autistic as well, I struggled to ask the teacher to put my shoes on for me. At a certain point, (about 5 years old), the teacher said you’re too old for me to be putting your shoes back on so I would just walk around with them untied. I learned how to tie my shoes when I was around 9 or 10.

Also, I couldn’t (and can’t to this day) do a forward roll, backward roll or touch my toes with my knees straight. The teachers were concerned about this and told my parents. I had a pogo stick bought for me as a child and I didn’t have the balance to use that and I was around 10 when I could ride a bike without stabilisers.

I can’t swim to this day (despite having many lessons over the years). I can drive (but I was a slow learner and it took me 3 years of lessons to be able to pass my test).

I have always had a strange way of walking where I bounce up and down while I walk. I wouldn’t know that I am doing it if not for other people picking up on it and remarking on it. It is not intentional. I always got a lift home from school because people were teasing me for it that bad. Friends were showing me how to walk properly but I could never copy what they were doing. People tend not to make fun of me about this now (though I’ve had some people mimic my walk in front of me or call me names). It doesn’t hurt me to walk and I’ve learned to not care what people think anymore so I have made peace with it. If someone is too embarrassed to be around me because of how I walk (which I can’t really control) then I wouldn’t want them as a friend.

The main way Dyspraxia affects me now is playing doubles badminton. I lost touch with old friends due to COVID lockdowns, and due to being autistic, it is very difficult for me to make new friends. Badminton is my main form of exercise and socialising. The club I joined 2 years ago has slowly gotten more competitive, and I find myself being one of the worst players there and at risk of getting kicked out of the club due to my lack of skill. Most of the club members have improved their badminton skills massively since joining. You can see their improvement week on week, but with me, I can’t even grasp the basics. I can’t hold the racket correctly, serve properly or hit a smash despite 4 years of playing in total. It affects my self esteem as I want to get involved in the league matches as I like the camaraderie of it, but I have tried to accept now that I likely won’t get any better and to just try to enjoy it for the exercise aspect of it and if I get kicked out of the club at some point for not improving then so be it.

With me, I am on the moderate end of the Autism spectrum and that is the thing that doctors and psychologists have always focused on with me. Dyspraxia (if I do indeed have it) has never been more than anything that has just been mentioned in passing. My main issue in life is selective mutism in social situations due to having Asperger’s which prevents me from making relationships or working a traditional job. I have a law degree and trained as a lawyer but my poor social skills wouldn’t let me get into the legal profession in anything more than an administrative capacity. I’m a business owner in e-commerce now and I can do that because I’m my own boss and don’t have to interact with anyone face to face. Now I can hold down a job, I’d like to work on the other aspects of my life and explore how Dyspraxia affects me and if I can do anything to live with it better and whether it would be beneficial to seek an official diagnosis.

Sorry for the length of this post and any advice or insights would be much appreciated.
Kind regards,
Alex

[Tom fod]

Hi Alex

Definitely not for me to say you're 'only mildly affected' and/or 'moaning over nothing'. They don't really seem to grade dyspraxia, except perhaps at initial assessment when they're looking at what percentile you're in for this or that. The intent with that I believe is to determine a starting point by which to measure the success of any intervention/therapy they recommend. When I learned (discovered) I was dyspraxic in mi mid-thirties, they said I had 'dyspraxic tendencies' I guess that was on account that I had many (not exactly sustainable) coping/masking strategies. I believe it was identified as part of statementing but all the extra help was geared toward ameliorating effects of my visual impairment and I don't remember anyone trying to explain dyspraxia to me. Perhaps they were worried about 'labelling me'???

Things such as slow to master tying shoe laces, ride a bike, learn to drive, different walking gait are all considered dyspraxic traits. I suspect medical/special educational professionals focus on the ASC angle as they don't really know how to address dyspraxia and it was /is very much seen as he/she will 'grow out of it. That works more in the sense that we can learn coping strategies and PE is no longer enforced once you finish school at 16.

Regrettably the lack of a pathway for GPs to refer Adults with dyspraxia means many hit a brick wall with their GP

Could you perhaps suggest to your Badminton Club that they could offer a more inclusive experience. I used to go with friends but definitely spent significantly more time picking up the shuttlecock than successfully sending it back over the net. On days when more competitive people tagged along I found any degree of enjoyment or sense of accomplishment quickly evaporated. I used to play pool too but was never consistently good. I think we often hit a plateau but there are professional sports people, musicians and actors who are also Dyspraxic.

All the groups I'm involved with welcome and accept self-discovered /self-declaring dyspraxics equally. I've found a lot of my pain and difficulty has been around my trying to sustain perfectionism and/or unfairly comparing myself to others. I liken mine to living with a Goblin alter-ego who I can mostly keep on a short leash, though occasionally he manages to toss a spanner into the workings of my plans.