Hello - need help

[Dogheaded]

Hello everyone.

I'm 28 and I found out that I'm probably dyspraxic a few weeks ago. I'd not heard of dyspraxia until I was 28, when at dinner I dropped the same fork 8 times. I couldn't hold onto it. Anyways, my best friend's son has executive functioning disorder and she told me about it. I looked into it and it was obvious. I'm a good writer when I can type, but my pencil grip is so bad that it causes me pain to hold. The only help I got growing up was in speech therapy to pronounce words better, but I am still the king of mispronunciation. I can't properly tie my shoes.

I am going through a lot of bad issues with my current relationship, a lot of which has to do with my failures to cope with my dyspraxia... that I only found out about a few week ago. When conversations get stressful I find it very difficult to speak, to come up with true words, or anything. She gets confused by the way I am sometimes and I can't or don't know what to communicate. I feel I keep stacking failure over failure. And it was suggested to me that I might be too disabled for a relationship. I hope that isn't true, but if I don't get things together, then

I am not well 'put-together.' I feel very bad, because I'm not put-together enough to be attractive. Not 'put-together' enough to recognize my wardrobe failures - which I am very embarrassed by. I really need some practical pointers to be 'put-together.'

During the pandemic I got stuck with a narcissistic and schizophrenic roommate who by all that stress declined off medication and turned my home into a hoarding place. I'm kind of naive and, uh, let a crazy guy be my roommate and then couldn't legally evict for a few years. Mostly cleaned up the place, but the situation also caused a bad decline in my abilities to keep things together.

It's like everything is sand that I'm trying to hold in my fingers and it all keeps slipping out.

Anyways, I'm hoping that I can learn a lot from this community.

[Dogheaded]

Well, the relationship I mentioned seems to have already fallen apart. I'm reeling from it.

[Tom fod]

Hi and Welcome!

Everyone with dyspraxia is unique Having to cope with the additional stresses of life usually exacerbates things. We're often not great at being kind to or patient enough with ourselves.

We're often big picture thinkers and we can very often be our own harshest critics. It sounds like you've had to deal with things that would break many others.

Who suggested you were "far too disabled for a relationship" That's sadly a v unhelpful thing to say and says as much, if not more of the shitty attitude of the person saying it!

[Shadwell]

Welcome to the forum Dogheaded,

finding out you are Dyspraxic is enough to send anyone over the edge, and leaves you in a very emotional turmoil. I know I found out when I was 30. it really messed me up bad, not to mention emotions running everywhere from second to second, not helped by the person I fancied not being in the right head space either.

I kind of decided at a young age not to get into a relationship, and by the time I got the news that I was dyspraxic I definately wasn't, and wanted to get my head around it first, or at least stop all of the spinning thoughts in my head, as well as anger.

sorry not had a relationship to help you out on that front.

as for the speach therapy it could very well be verbal dyspraxia as well, and as such I know I really struggle with saying words, which can also come across as uncaring to some, just because of the time it takes for me to think what I am going to say trying to find easier words to actually express what I want to say, and then they take it totally the wrong way either because of the delay, or because of the way I have phrased something due to my inability to speak the words I want to say.

we hope you feel at home here, and look forward to seeing more posts from you if you need to speak about anything else. we try to keep everything friendly here unlike so many other places.

[Dogheaded]

Welcome to the forum Dogheaded,

finding out you are Dyspraxic is enough to send anyone over the edge, and leaves you in a very emotional turmoil. I know I found out when I was 30. it really messed me up bad, not to mention emotions running everywhere from second to second, not helped by the person I fancied not being in the right head space either.

I kind of decided at a young age not to get into a relationship, and by the time I got the news that I was dyspraxic I definately wasn't, and wanted to get my head around it first, or at least stop all of the spinning thoughts in my head, as well as anger.

sorry not had a relationship to help you out on that front.

as for the speach therapy it could very well be verbal dyspraxia as well, and as such I know I really struggle with saying words, which can also come across as uncaring to some, just because of the time it takes for me to think what I am going to say trying to find easier words to actually express what I want to say, and then they take it totally the wrong way either because of the delay, or because of the way I have phrased something due to my inability to speak the words I want to say.

we hope you feel at home here, and look forward to seeing more posts from you if you need to speak about anything else. we try to keep everything friendly here unlike so many other places.

Ah, I wrote a very long things for 4 hours describing all that happened and it all got erased because I got logged out in the background... oh my god.

[Dogheaded]

What was said about whether or not I'm too disabled to be in a relationship... My best friend is who I am/was in a relationship with said that. To be fair, she said it about herself too. But she's the one who told me about dyspraxia. She was upset because she 'hit a wall' in regard to me... because I am disheveled and, therefore, unattractive. She said people see me as a creep, because I'm not well put-together. I felt very bad about this. I used an old coping strategy, that made her more upset. Fast-forward, she's accused me according to a vision of her worst fears. When I was saying I was anxious and overwhelmed, she said that was bullshit, that if I was anxious and overwhelmed because of her criticizing my behavior, then I wasn't in any position to ask of her for marriage.

I really feel bad about everything. I am trying hard. I wish she'd see that. I froze up because of walking on eggshells. I don't know what to do.

I wish the whole story didn't get deleted. I don't know if I can redo it. I need second opinions about things.

[Shadwell]

yeah I know this forum has short login periods, if you want to post something longer, what I tend to do is either copy and paste what I have written from a word document, or login, then hit the back button until it shows the page I want, then hit submit, but that is more likely to fail than writing it in a word document first.

what you probably need to do is take things back to the early stages of friendship, and be more spontanious on dating ideas that you both like. and get back into the romantic mood for her. not saying the first night making the move, but after a couple of dates might be a better move, just a thought, because if you do it too many times you just go into the friendship zone, and then she won't think of you in anything more than friends, there is a very fine line between romantic, and friends. and every person is different, so the only way to truely know her is to get her to open up more about her feelings, and listen to her.

so like her saying you are creepy, might be too fast with the first move, but could also be the opposite just as easily.

[Tom fod]

I can absolutely sympathise as my lifetimes efforts at finding love and a relationship have not born fruit. I was pursuing a friend who didn't want to gamble a friendship for a relationship that might have soured. As dating is so fickle I think I'd idealised too much. Dating strangers is a frightening prospect as we so often have had previous painful experience so go for what we feel is easy option of hoping we can go from friends to partners and not seeing the red flags.

The other minefield is trying to to comply with others expectations when we need some one who accepts our unvarnished self and won't force us to be someone/something we cannot be without being ready to change ourselves at a pace that works for us. Having the same difficulties can also be difficult as the traits we hate in ourselves being displayed by the person we want to love can be a source of familiarity breeds content. Not that I'm any kind of expert with a proven record of success in this field.

Navigating and processing what dyspraxia means to us as individuals takes time and is not an easy adjustment even if you're able to resolve taking it as proof positive you aren't stupid.Too often we hate ourselves and that's often a massive red flag for others.


Re the infuriating time out, my tip is just prior to clicking submit, select all and copy text you've written. Then if when you click submit you find yourself timed out, you can re-login and paste in what you've written. Doing it in word or as a draft email and copying pasting across Is equally effective.

We're too good at blaming ourselves for absolutely everything that is beyond our control.

[Tom fod]

What was said about whether or not I'm too disabled to be in a relationship... My best friend is who I am/was in a relationship with said that. To be fair, she said it about herself too. But she's the one who told me about dyspraxia. She was upset because she 'hit a wall' in regard to me... because I am disheveled and, therefore, unattractive. She said people see me as a creep, because I'm not well put-together. I felt very bad about this. I used an old coping strategy, that made her more upset. Fast-forward, she's accused me according to a vision of her worst fears. When I was saying I was anxious and overwhelmed, she said that was bullshit, that if I was anxious and overwhelmed because of her criticizing my behavior, then I wasn't in any position to ask of her for marriage.

I really feel bad about everything. I am trying hard. I wish she'd see that. I froze up because of walking on eggshells. I don't know what to do.

I wish the whole story didn't get deleted. I don't know if I can redo it. I need second opinions about things.

Hi again

How are things?

Could you clarify what was meant by 'not well put together'? I really don't feel qualified to offer style tips other than I believe you have to try to find a balance between what feels comfortable and what looks good on you. If people provide advice and it really doesn't feel right for you, you should not feel obliged to have to take that advice.

Sounds like your friend has struggles too so is possibly acting defensively as she possibly feels threatened? by your vulnerability? Do other people you know see/say the same? If you were an independent outside observer of your behaviour, how might you see it?

Are you under pressure to be married? It's a cliche but It's really important to be comfortable and confident in who you are first. Dyspraxia makes that very difficult and it is NOT your fault you have a lack of confidence in yourself. We as humans generally are typically bad at difficult conversations and as Neurodivergent individuals we're often either too caring and forget our own needs, and/or can become hyperfocused and can sometimes take even constructive criticism as deeply wounding.

While it's equally somewhat like me to want to pour out 4 hours worth of thinking in which I'll come at multiple things from a number of angles it can be very difficult for us to make sense of as we're too blooming good at overthinking stuff to the nth degree and getting overwhelmed.

Have you had a look at our Help Resources List viewtopic.php?t=7385,

While not specifically focussed on Dyspraxia https://www.youtube.com/c/HowtoADHD has some really interesting and useful content that is applicable to Dyspraxia too.

All the Best

[Kyiopriii]

Hello everyone.

I'm 28 and I found out that I'm probably dyspraxic a few weeks ago. I'd not heard of dyspraxia until I was 28, when at dinner I dropped the same fork 8 times. I couldn't hold onto it. Anyways, my best friend's son has executive functioning disorder and she told me about it. I looked into it and it was obvious. I'm a good writer when I can type, but my pencil grip is so bad that it causes me pain to hold. The only help I got growing up was in speech therapy to pronounce words better, but I am still the king of mispronunciation. I can't properly tie my shoes.

I am going through a lot of bad issues with my current relationship, a lot of which has to do with my failures to cope with my dyspraxia... that I only found out about a few week ago. When conversations get stressful I find it very difficult to speak, to come up with true words, or anything. She gets confused by the way I am sometimes and I can't or don't know what to communicate. I feel I keep stacking failure over failure. And it was suggested to me that I might be too disabled for a relationship. I hope that isn't true, but if I don't get things together, then

I am not well 'put-together.' I feel very bad, because I'm not put-together enough to be attractive. Not 'put-together' enough to recognize my wardrobe failures - which I am very embarrassed by. I really need some practical pointers to be 'put-together.'

During the pandemic I got stuck with a narcissistic and schizophrenic roommate who by all that stress declined off medication and turned my home into a hoarding place. I'm kind of naive and, uh, let a crazy guy be my roommate and then couldn't legally evict for a few years. Mostly cleaned up the place, but the situation also caused a bad decline in my abilities to keep things together.

It's like everything is sand that I'm trying to hold in my fingers and it all keeps slipping out.

Anyways, I'm hoping that I can learn a lot from this community.

Hi, I know at first everything might seem too much and you can't keep yourself together. However, you need to take it slow, accept yourself as you are and be sure that everything will get better one day. I hope you'll get better and if you have any issues, speak with us!