Dyspraxia is ruining my life

[Charlotte90]

Sorry, this is a long one but I need to get this off my chest.
I had a little bit of a tough upbringing where a family breakdown happened, as a result of this I ended up in foster care at the age of 15 and had no further contact with my family (mums’ side) for 14 years. It is important to know I was thrown in at the deep end young as in I had to grow up quickly. For as far back as I can remember I have struggled with daily tasks simple things like cooking, cleaning, dressing, walking etc. When I was at school, I was badly bullied throughout and this was stuff like making fun of the way I looked, walked, participated in lessons such as PE and when I was unable to answer questions or answered questions wrong in classes, which obviously had a negative impact of my self-esteem and self-confidence. The lead up to me going into foster care I was referred for physiotherapy and diagnosed with Dyspraxia however this was overlooked in school and minimal support was offered. As a result of the lack of support and the ongoing bullying, home life was very challenging where I would take my anger and frustrations out at my younger siblings and my mum which was a small part of the reason that I went into foster care.
Fast forward to when I was 15, I had temporarily left school due to a family breakdown and therefore went into temporary foster care where I was placed with foster carers who turned out to be quite manipulative and completely overlooked my dyspraxia diagnosis saying that my mum had made this diagnosis up for this reason, that reason etc. I was made to believe that my mum had made it up and therefore subconsciously struggled through life. When I was 16, I moved to a new foster carer who was less experienced than the previous ones and therefore the foster placement broke down and I had to go and live with my dad temporarily who lived in another city when I was 17 until social services could find me somewhere permanent. At this point I had a leaving care worker helping me. After leaving my dad’s I was offered an assisted living hostel where I lived for 6 months whilst I was on the council waiting list for housing. After 6 months I was offered my first flat. Exciting right? I thought this too. I was buzzing at the fact I was getting my own place. At that time I was oblivious of the fact that I now had responsibilities but for the first year or so I had my leaving care worker to support me. June 2011 when I turned 21 was the last contact, I had with my leaving care worker as I did not meet the criteria to have her support until I was 25. Niggling in my mind was my dyspraxia diagnosis and questioning on whether it was real or not as I struggled with certain things. I struggled with my work at college, I struggled at home, struggled to be tidy, struggled at work, struggled with relationships, struggled to manage finances which later led to significant debt and almost eviction.
Fast forward to now I am 32 with an 8-year-old child, I am now back in touch with my mother, and she has confirmed I was diagnosed with dyspraxia when I was about 11/12 years old. As an adult I have and do struggle significantly but because it’s been overlooked my entire adolescent/adult life, all because I was led to believe that it was made up and was in my head. The struggles I face now are massive anxiety problems to the point some days I can’t leave the house and require assistance to pick my son up from school which is basically across the road. I struggle with emotional outbursts, retroactive jealousy. I used to get picked on at work because I was shy and done things awkwardly and it took more time than what it should of, colleagues didn’t understand, I barely understood it myself. I haven’t been able to work for several years because I feel incapable. I am extremely socially anxious I believe that is down to the bullying I had to endure at home and in the workplace. I have made a brave move earlier this year and joined an all-women Zumba group as I am told exercise helps anxiety and I thought it would help me make friends. I struggle at this class as although it is non-judgemental, I am different to all the other women. I am slower and it is very rare that I will get a move right. Last night I went to the class as usual, paid my £7 and waited around on my own for class to start. I say on my own because 11 weeks the women all know each other, and I feel like I’m just a tag along and I still don’t know anybody. Its really awkward every week when I go to the class I’m just standing around waiting for the class to start whilst everyone else is talking to each other. I have tried making conversations before, but they are just awkward. I dropped into conversation one day to the instructor that I’m wanting to lose a few lbs for my wedding. This got the other women asking me when the wedding is to which I replied 2025 they all said, ‘oh it’s a bit of a long way away.’ we’ve chosen 2025 as this is my first wedding, my fiancé’s second, we want it to be perfect. I’m only going to get married once and I don’t believe in rushing into it. Nobody from that group other than the instructor when paying her has spoken to me since. Last night I was mid-way through a dance when I could feel myself getting the moves wrong and feeling like I was stumbling. The only thing I felt I could do is look at my Fitbit pretending I had received a call and ran to my bag to get my phone then run out the hall pretending to be on a call. I then went back into the hall grabbed my bag and jacket made up an excuse that I was needed at home urgently and left. I got outside shaking of embarrassment that I had drawn attention to myself, I ordered my taxi with tears running down my face. Its dawned on me that having dyspraxia that has been overlooked for so long has had a major impact on every aspect my life. I struggle every day, I avoid important thing in the hope that they will go away. Due to the lack of support, I have had in my life I feel I am living life with the bare minimum life skills, I have obviously learned from mistakes but I am always on edge and fearful. My confidence has been knocked so much that currently I feel that I can’t do anything right. I have read that people who have dyspraxia develop coping strategies in life, I feel like I have developed none apart from feeling extremely anxious and depressed. I am on medication for anxiety and depression and I am doing some skill based work with a care co-ordinator but even with the work sheets she gives me I can’t describe or put into words how I am feeling or why. I have never been offered any sort of occupational health or further support for this as it has been overlooked for so long and even though I have found most if not every day a major challenge, can something be done now? Or is it too late? I have a GP appointment next week.

[Tom fod]

Hi Charlotte

Glad you've found us though sorry it's not in easier/happier circumstances.

Regrettably there are too many people who have slipped through the cracks. Even then there is a lack of understanding of dyspraxia and a massive gap in provision to provide the support people need to move from barely surviving. Teachers often label people as difficult, equally there is a myth that it just boys so females often failed to get recognition or support. There are also plenty in the idiot brigade who dismiss it as made-up.

Most of us struggle to fit in and have experienced bullying that regrettably so often has a corrosive effect on our confidence. Mental health conditions like anxiety and depression are all too common. Definitely worth seeing your GP to see what they can offer. Counselling with someone who understands Dyspraxia (or at the very least Neurodiversity/divergence and if you can try to find a way to connect with other dyspraxics in a similar position to yourself. It's worth seeing what the Dyspraxia Foundation can offer though there are non-aligned Dyspraxia Groups out there too. Very often we can become withdrawn, scared and/or turning our frustration impatience and anger on ourselves.

If Zumba and/or the other ladies in the group aren't meeting your needs it may be worth casting about to see if there are other activity groups out there that may be a better fit for you. That you've gone 11 weeks is testament to your determination!

It's absolutely not too late, athough we do understand that you probably think it is as many of us have been there at some point/ and still can return there some days.

Please do take a look at viewtopic.php?t=7385