Out of my depth
Moderator: Moderator Team
Out of my depth
Hey I'm new here. I've have been diagnosed with dyspraxia since I was a child, I've graduated from high school where I got support, when I went to college I successfully graduated using my own strategies requiring no help. I got my first job and actively refused to inform my employer I have dyslexia and dyspraxia. I have been working here for the past year. about 7 months ago I've moved out of home and started a relationship(which I have very little experience in) . I haven't brought up to my partner that I have any condition either. The past few months I've been recieving more responsibility at work. Between taking care of the house, to working on new projects to trying to navigate a relationship I am feeling completely overwhelmed and find myself constantly messing up with all these new ventures due to my dyspraxia. I make such obvious errors my manager is starting to get the impression I am careless and lazy. My self esteem is going down the toilet and things just seem to be getting worse and worse. I have never felt so isolated and incompetent. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with any of this?
Re: Out of my depth
Hi Jacob and welcomeJacobP wrote: ↑Wed Jun 01, 2022 4:06 pm Hey I'm new here. I've have been diagnosed with dyspraxia since I was a child, I've graduated from high school where I got support, when I went to college I successfully graduated using my own strategies requiring no help. I got my first job and actively refused to inform my employer I have dyslexia and dyspraxia. I have been working here for the past year. about 7 months ago I've moved out of home and started a relationship(which I have very little experience in) . I haven't brought up to my partner that I have any condition either. The past few months I've been receiving more responsibility at work. Between taking care of the house, to working on new projects to trying to navigate a relationship I am feeling completely overwhelmed and find myself constantly messing up with all these new ventures due to my dyspraxia. I make such obvious errors my manager is starting to get the impression I am careless and lazy. My self esteem is going down the toilet and things just seem to be getting worse and worse. I have never felt so isolated and incompetent. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with any of this?
You're definitely not Lazy and it is possible to regain your feeling of being competent. We're often big picture thinkers and can easily become disorientated by the sheer multitude of things calling upon our time and expertise. We're not always very good at saying No or I'm not able to do that right now. Depending on your employer their policies towards inclusivity and whether your manager is on-board with these, you may want to talk about your struggles to see if there's anything they might be willing to do to help. There is not a legal obligation to avow Dyspraxia or any other difference/disability to an employer, though if they don't know they don't know that potentially there is a problem and they need/want you to be emotionally well enough to do what they pay you for, so some of the duty of care is their responsibility too. It may be helpful to write down what specific parts of your roles you're struggling with and their relative priorities.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator
With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
Moderator/Administrator
With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
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FrankieSoup
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- Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2022 8:46 pm
Re: Out of my depth
Hi Jacob
It sounds like you have a lot going on - I feel like overwhelm is a natural reaction. As Tom said, it looks like you’re seeing everything in combination so you might find it helpful to sort of… dismantle issues into component parts.
Firstly- work. The extra responsibilities you’re being given- have you had adequate training for or your contract amended? Adding 2 hours of extra tasks into what was a 35 hr contract originally should need a 37 hr contract, for example, or training on how to integrate these things into your day. If you work in a unionised industry, definitely join one and they can give advice. If not, it’s worth asking your employer about more hours/a reduction of tasks/better training.
Relationship- I feel like it’s worth asking yourself what you want with your partner. If they’re someone who you see being in your future then it’s worth telling them you’re struggling. It’s hard when a relationship is new because vulnerability is hard, but it will also help to build trust and space for you both to talk about how you feel- you’re setting precedence for healthy communication in future. If you’re not sure about the relationship, then is the investment of energy you’re putting in right now the best way to spend it? I’m not saying break up with them if you don’t see a conventional future- different relationships have different paths and there’s no right way to be together, but I think assessing what you want is a good idea.
Finally- living alone. It’s bloody hard work and takes so much executive function. Acknowledging this and taking time to rest can be really important. Even though we can do what others can, it often takes us twice as much effort- be kind to yourself. Seriously. It’s ok to head to bed early, to eat less than ideal food occasionally because it’s just easier, to just sit and do nothing in an evening. You’re absolutely enough as you are and rest is not weakness. Xx
It sounds like you have a lot going on - I feel like overwhelm is a natural reaction. As Tom said, it looks like you’re seeing everything in combination so you might find it helpful to sort of… dismantle issues into component parts.
Firstly- work. The extra responsibilities you’re being given- have you had adequate training for or your contract amended? Adding 2 hours of extra tasks into what was a 35 hr contract originally should need a 37 hr contract, for example, or training on how to integrate these things into your day. If you work in a unionised industry, definitely join one and they can give advice. If not, it’s worth asking your employer about more hours/a reduction of tasks/better training.
Relationship- I feel like it’s worth asking yourself what you want with your partner. If they’re someone who you see being in your future then it’s worth telling them you’re struggling. It’s hard when a relationship is new because vulnerability is hard, but it will also help to build trust and space for you both to talk about how you feel- you’re setting precedence for healthy communication in future. If you’re not sure about the relationship, then is the investment of energy you’re putting in right now the best way to spend it? I’m not saying break up with them if you don’t see a conventional future- different relationships have different paths and there’s no right way to be together, but I think assessing what you want is a good idea.
Finally- living alone. It’s bloody hard work and takes so much executive function. Acknowledging this and taking time to rest can be really important. Even though we can do what others can, it often takes us twice as much effort- be kind to yourself. Seriously. It’s ok to head to bed early, to eat less than ideal food occasionally because it’s just easier, to just sit and do nothing in an evening. You’re absolutely enough as you are and rest is not weakness. Xx