Romantic relationships

[david456]

I just notice signs, you can tell alot from eyes. Nothing is 100%, I'm sure I'll be proved wrong at some point.

Out of interest, what do you make of the top two paragraphs of my last post, about being knocked back. It is a little bizarre that identical things happened on a few occasions.

[Esioul]

Maybe they think they're not good enough/nice enough, David.

I'm very wary these days about guys, I can never relax with them until I've spent a lot of time with them.

[Daniel]

I wonder if girls (perhaps without consciously being aware of it) are looking for a practical, hard, testosterone fuelled guy rather than someone who's nice. Although not the case for all, us dyspraxics aren't generally good at fitting the bill for James Bond lookalikes. Poor muscle tone, not practically adept, probably not the owner of a flash car since we can neither drive nor hold down a well enough paying job to afford such snazz. The list could easily go on.

I recall seeing a documentary - I think one of those Robert Winston ones - about that one sex looks for in the other. Not on an individual basis but hard wired and who would be a good mate for good children. That's what it comes down to after all. On this scale I wonder if we simply don't fair well. Any thoughts?

[Esioul]

'hard, testosterone fulled guy' sounds a bit scary and not very nice...

I think often a lot of guys have quite set ideas of what they like in women, without really questioning why they like such things, like they tend to prefer blondes etc.

[Shadwell]

it is a tricky type of point louise,

because I don't go for looks to a certain extent, I don't go for outspoken people. and I can't stand someone that can't hold up a conversation.

whether it is to do with people that I have met, or the way I have been brought up I don't really know.

but extremely few girls I have actually fancied, due to the reasons above, my body might still be holding out for my first true love, or just haven't found that right person yet!

what ever it is, "the female of the species is more deadlier than the male!!"

and ok I know I screwed up the true love, because I couldn't phone her, due to being so shy when younger.

I still am shy, just try not to let that part of me show so mch now!

Mike

[Esioul]

My ex boyfriend always forgot to phone me, and his phone was usually switched of. what with the relationship having become long distance, that made it all impossible...

I don't know if I beleive the whole 'true love' soulmate' idea. I look for people who I have things in common with, are friendly and nice to me, and I can have a laugh with, and that's for friends, not just boyfriends.

[Shadwell]

yeah, we did have a lot in common:

we both went to the IoW every year.
same taste in music.
she used to run a million miles, and I would be a million miles behind her!!

well as for the phone, then it was always on (unless the battery was flat, which wasn't very often)

mainly, as my parent's had a thing about always wanting a way of contacting me, so I have had a mobile since 1999, which is nearly always with me, so it wasn't like she couldn't contact me herself.

the distance, then I would have moved closer if she wanted, and whenever I was closer, I would contact her in some shape or form, to arrange meeting up, so it isn't like I wasn't making any effort. just not enough effort most of the time it would seem.

and there is other stuff I regrete as well, but I won't go into that, but let me assure you, it isn't majorly bad. it is just other details

[Greg]

It's been about four years since I've read any interpersonal attraction studies, but yeah, what's left in my memories does indicate that there are some hardwired predispositions. The manifestations of some of these vary culturally, what makes a good provider in one place is useless in another. Some things are fixed though, across cultures men with perfectly symetrical features are considered more attractive and women with a hip waist ratio of 0.8 (I think) are considered attractive regardless of weight. Someone needs to clue obsessive dieters up to that one ;)

I think it's probably our social manner rather than any hardwired results of millions of years of intersexual selection that do us in though :P

Generally it's a lot easier to spot the state of a relationship and the likely future course(s) it might take from the outside. There are a whole bunch of studies that show we're terrible at understanding ourselves and those close to us compared with understanding strangers :P Perhaps the best thing to do would be to get advice from people you've never met in person.

...but where to find them? ;)

[robyn]

we're supposed to be attracked to people who have the opposite immune systems from ourselves

[Miss Jayney]

i find that i avoid relationships. not because i dislike relationships but because well it's hard work, invested emotion and herisk of a lot of pain at the end of it (i've had one bf and it ended - well badly is perhaps an understatement) now i loved my ex, wanted to spend every minute of every day with him - i (thought) i got hm and i (thought) he got me.

i don;t seem ableto i dunno attatch myself to somene unless i really really damned well want them a lot, burning all consummin passion want. otherwise it seems like far too much bother and giving up too much of oneself...


I'm also only interested in peole who seem to actually like me (physically yes, but mentally/ emotionally too) I also tend to go for people very similar to myself in a lot of espcts (not entirely but aeugh that the and i empathise and sympathise with each other)


but that's perhaps just me?

[robyn]

Iv never heard anyone else say that they only go for people that like them first!! I though it was just me! I never seem to have been with anyone who doesnt adore me more than I do them, that sounds bitchy I know but its not an intentional thing, its just always happened that way. iv never really not had a bf or male intrest though so maybe if Id ever been a single girl I might have found I actually liked someone who didnt like me first. However after exchanging guys every 3 months or so i met my current guy (when I was 19) and am able to report that there is such a things as a perfect man.

[david456]

I have been single for years. I don't have anyone interested in going out with me at all at the moment and there is no one that I like.

I've asked out girls in the past and some even said yes, they have then got back with ex bf's before we have been due to go out, which just hurt my feelings.

[Greg]

There's a load o psychology literature that suggests we go for people who like us first :P I wonder if I could initiate a relationship by walking up to someone I fancied and telling them I liked them.

[Miss Jayney]

There's a load o psychology literature that suggests we go for people who like us first I wonder if I could initiate a relationship by walking up to someone I fancied and telling them I liked them.

i do this *grin* i get mildly tipsy and go... "hello pretty" however i don't go near a relationships unless they make it clear they're intrested to.

[Liz944]

I would love to go out with the new James Bond.... Think I may be waiting a while... though...

I am having no luck on the bf front at the moment all the guys which I really like and get on with at uni are married. So won't go down that road..... so will carry on sharing coursework and coffee breaks...