Dealing with loss

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lubellasquee
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Location: South East, England

Dealing with loss

Post by lubellasquee » Tue Jul 10, 2018 9:40 pm

If this is in the wrong topic please let me know.
I’ve recently lost my Grandad to a stroke and suffice to say, I’m struggling.
I just can’t stop thinking about him and wanted to die myself so I could see him again. He was always there and it’s taking a lot of getting my head round that he’s gone.

How do people cope with losing a loved one?

allesandro
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Re: Dealing with loss

Post by allesandro » Wed Jul 11, 2018 2:07 am

Oh, I am so sorry. I have a friend who went through the same thing last year when her grandfather died. Right now your ruminations are intrusive and painful but eventually they will stop being painful ruminations and become something else--memories. All of us eventually become memories. In the Jewish faith they say that our memories keep the deceased alive. Ruminations to memories is an alchemical process. I think Antoine St. Exupery said it best in his story, The Little Prince. As his friends gather round him to grieve their impending loss he tells them that when they look upward into the sky tonight it will be in one of the stars that he shall be living, and it will be in one of the stars that he shall be laughing, and there is beauty in the laughter of the stars, and sweetness in the memories of those you love.

lubellasquee
Getting settled in
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Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2018 9:14 pm
Location: South East, England

Re: Dealing with loss

Post by lubellasquee » Wed Jul 11, 2018 7:21 pm

Thank you, it’s been a rough couple of months since he passed away, I thought that after the funeral it would be easier and it would sink in more but it’s not been the case thus far.

allesandro
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Re: Dealing with loss

Post by allesandro » Thu Jul 12, 2018 10:13 am

The friend I told you about said she did nothing but cry for months which she originally saw as a waste of time. She had a dream one night that she was crying and crying and that as her tears fell, they had turned into diamonds. She saw the symbolism of the dream to be that what she thought to be useless had actually turned into something quite precious, diamonds. Don't try to avoid your pain, embrace it and feel it to its zenith. Don't be afraid to cry, it's the path to healing. Two other important points: you must also express your pain to someone who you trust to reflect it back to you. You must also become that sweet, dear, loving , nurturing person to yourself. Hook into the part of yourself that is loving and nurturing and think in accordance with its principles. Then use that to love to nurture yourself. All messages you send yourself must be messages of unconditional love: eat a very healthy diet, get plenty of sleep(you'll need it), exercise, keep appointments with your GP and other physicians and dentists and adhere to their prescribed treatment protocols. Make a list of positive affirmations you send to yourself; this must be done while you are greiving and allowing yourself to feel your pain. Otherwise in your grief you will feel self abandoned.
If you can join a support group for the bereft: many hospitals have them. And lastly, if you feel it will be of benefit find a kind empathic therapist to help guide you through this difficult journey. I have found this to be the best way to cope with grief and loss. Good luck, keep me posted

lubellasquee
Getting settled in
Posts: 38
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2018 9:14 pm
Location: South East, England

Re: Dealing with loss

Post by lubellasquee » Thu Jul 12, 2018 9:08 pm

Thank you, I think having a word with my GP might be a good idea, especially where I’ve been having intrusive thoughts, I’ve been trying largely on my own to cope with things I even almost burst into tears about sausage rolls the other day.

Tom fod
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Re: Dealing with loss

Post by Tom fod » Thu Jul 12, 2018 9:46 pm

Sorry for your loss. Please give yourself time and remember there is no wrong way to grieve it's individual.

His positive influence will remain with you always.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

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