Boredom and anger

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Xam
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Boredom and anger

Postby Xam » Thu Feb 08, 2018 3:20 am

Hello there.

So, like many among us, I lived my dyspraxic life without anybody to relate to. As I told in my Introduction, I have friends, I even had one or two very close friends, even one withom we considered as brothers (even though we never said it that way).
Well, it's been a while since life and many people around sickens me, but it has worsened since one year, and even more these last monthes. I don't have many outlets considering it's hard for me to focus on some stuff (reading, watching a movie alone) or to do some other stuff (drawing, while I'd like to express myself through it sometimes), and even things I normally like (i.e. music, some videogames, watching speedruns, sociology) just don't passionate me most of the time and feels so dull.

And what about other people ? Don't get me started. I've been extremely disappointed in many people whom I valued in many different cases. Some positive stuff here and there, but nothing that compares to the negative. Let's say that in one year, I either got in very bad blood with people I liked a lot, or had to walk away, for a total of five "break ups" with friends. And yes, I know that makes me look like I am responsible for it - I always am partly, but never in any cases was I really the one at fault.
And that is about people I liked or I felt I could relate with. Cuz you know, then comes the rest, and it ain't any better : able/neurotypics people tend to be greatly uninteresting and dull to me, or even worse : amoral and stupid. I'm not targeting specifically "people" who don't have time or means to be to my social standards (lower classes), but people whom are born from the same social level (if not above sometimes) and with straight better aptitudes (like for exemple, who don't need to do as much effort to read or think) than me. Yet very often, if not almost always, I simply can see how shallow they are.

Last but not least : next week it's the Valentine days of doomn with so many couples made of random and commutable people I despise, and I will be on my own as always. This lame day isn't only hard for us ofc, but think well about it : all these charades, these "seduction games" are a weapon pointed against the abnormal, like us.

tl;dr : I hate my situation, """normal people""" tends to be boring, stupid and unworthy, I don't know what to to do, screw this world, screw this life.

I have no idea why I wrote this. I hope for you you don't feel the same, but I hope for myself I am not alone to feel this way.

Tom fod
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Re: Boredom and anger

Postby Tom fod » Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:05 am

Sometimes it's good to get stuff out without screaming it at someone and it's not our place to judge here

They say hell is other people and while just the same as us, 'normal' peope are doing the best they can to get by it is really annoying and infuriating when you feel it's you who they're walking all over.

The feeling that you just don't care about things you normally would, will hopefully pass but do consider talking to someone.

I hate Valentines Day too as it reminds me of what I'd love to have, yet it always seems so frustratingly out of reach and there's a real temptation to resent those who are blessed yet take it for granted and lie and cheat.
Last edited by Tom fod on Fri Feb 09, 2018 6:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

Xam
Getting settled in
Posts: 24
Joined: Wed Jan 24, 2018 3:15 pm

Re: Boredom and anger

Postby Xam » Wed Feb 14, 2018 12:30 am

Yeah, that feeling of emptiness comes and walk off in a irregular pattern. While it happens to me not soooo often, I'm still am not overjoyed by a monotonous life, without much social perspectives in the end. Damn, even professionnally : I have a clear goal (being a Labour Inspector, that does exist only in France and Belgium), I have a teacher job, but I still feel off of it. (Dunno if I'm clear.)

Tomorrow's VD (today for me in fact, it began half an hour ago). I'll make sure to show no respect to all these "people in love" whom bring their shameless behaviors on public space. It's the least I could do.

Tom fod
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Re: Boredom and anger

Postby Tom fod » Wed Feb 14, 2018 1:51 am

VD can also stand for Veneareal Disease (aka STDs which is oddly amusing perhaps). That said it's a bit uncharitable. Yeah they should get a room and it can feel difficult to be happy for them sometimes but wouldn't we all like the same for ourselves?

I'm guessing teaching isn't your ideal career choice but pays the bills? So what does a Labour Inspector do. Is it to do with ensuring employers are fulfilling their duty of care and ensuring workers are paid and treated fairly etc?
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

Xam
Getting settled in
Posts: 24
Joined: Wed Jan 24, 2018 3:15 pm

Re: Boredom and anger

Postby Xam » Wed Feb 14, 2018 12:46 pm

Tom fod wrote:VD can also stand for Veneareal Disease (aka STDs which is oddly amusing perhaps). That said it's a bit uncharitable. Yeah they should get a room and it can feel difficult to be happy for them sometimes but wouldn't we all like the same for ourselves?

Haha, unwilling trust me.
But no, I wouldn't, especially because I know what would that mean, something arrogant and cruel to some.
And the ones whom act first this way produces that meaning. They can pretend to ignore it, but as a matter of fact they overall don't care. They have the right to do that of course, but should they do that give them no rights to complain and whine if they face more or less some backlash about it.

Tom fod wrote:I'm guessing teaching isn't your ideal career choice but pays the bills? So what does a Labour Inspector do. Is it to do with ensuring employers are fulfilling their duty of care and ensuring workers are paid and treated fairly etc?

Ideal, not, but I enjoy it more than I thought. The highschool director pressured me to work to be titular, which I'm not. Not sure I wanna go that far.
And yes it is : it's a State job created during the XIXth century so to be sure that your boss doesn't try to f*** with you and your rights, and to give hime some penalties and quite a fright if he/she does so. What a splendid career plan.

Xam
Getting settled in
Posts: 24
Joined: Wed Jan 24, 2018 3:15 pm

Re: Boredom and anger

Postby Xam » Mon Apr 02, 2018 10:07 pm

Hello there.
It's been a while since I wanted to comeback in here, but I didn't because all I have to say is basically the same stuff.
But now I have new exciting stuff to say, so let's go ! : I still feel lost, especially within both my job, and my "outlet" (is that the right word ?) which is to go to concerts where people will dance by doing karate moves like this. Considering my not-so-flawed genetic legacy and the fact I've always been a bit overweight (which I try to overcome), and the fact that you have much more consideration when you manage to do cool stuff in the moshpit, well even what would normally be a moment to chill and relax becomes an obstacle.
Not to mention : some girls whom have much better disposition to this stuff as I am will get praised a lot for doing so (which I don't criticize, after all they overcome patriarchy y doing so right), while I won't, cuz nobody cares about dyspraxy lulz. In fact, some might reprove the fact that a boy can't and won't do macho stuff.

Well believe it or not, I know that I don't have to be a manly guy who can do a triple-kick-jump, but I would rather enjoy to be able to. Reason : empowerment etc etc. Yes, I'm working out again, yes I'm planning to do some Hapkido in the future (I heard that there's a good gym in my town). But it ain't happenning tomorrow, and none around to understand well and therefore support me.

Yeah, complicate and unusual stuff, after all I'm describing a not well-known subculture and the problems you'll have to deal as a dyspraxic.

Oh and also as a side-note : my father told me last week I was disappointing. :cool: I thought he'd be prouder after I managed to suddenly become a teacher without any formation, well I was wrong it seems. :D

Now then comes the time to repeat myself : screw this (ableist) world, screw this (ableist) life.


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