Hate being so clumsy!

[katherine100]

Feeling really down about how much I break and spill things tonight. I spill a drink most days and break something most weeks. I also hurt myself all the time. My legs are covered in bruises from where I've walked into things but that doesn't bother me so much because no one else gets mad at me for hurting myself. My husband, however, gets really cross when I break our things.

Tonight I managed to break the bathroom sink! It was my daughter's bath time and for some reason I lent back on the sink and it made a cracking noise and a small bit of plastic snapped off. Can't see where the plastic came from but probably will need fixing. I felt like such an idiot. Don't know why I went and lent on it. I immediately apologised but my husband got really cross about it and then I got cross at him for being cross with me! Silly but I get so embarrassed when I break things I wish he wouldn't make me feel even worse.

My dad was just the same when I was growing up (or much worse actually). He was terrifying if I broke or spilt something. He would really shout at me and go on about how clumsy and careless I was. Really gave me a complex and never made me less clumsy.

Anyway to this day I hate breaking and spilling things but I still do it all the time. I wish other people wouldn't over react about it although I know it must be so annoying. Does anyone else feel like this?

[Tom fod]

I suspect a great many of us have days like that I know I can and do.

I think it can become a bit of an ingrained/learned reaction that is not easy to unlearn. I think living in a bit of a clumsy chaotic world we try to make a very much greater extra effort to take care so when things still invariably go wrong, it's then doubly upsetting/annoying/frustrating and we often turn that anger in on ourselves especially if we feel bad for initially having snapped at others around us. Losing things or making innocent mistakes can sometime drives me spare causing me to catastrophise and descend into a downward spiral of self recrimination.

[Jim]

My level of clumsiness is relatively minor, although my poor motor control does result in my using things differently from the average Joe. Some people don't understand that and either mock or criticise me for it. Meh, that's their problem. I'll use the coping mechanism that works for me.

So you leant on a sink... Big deal. Normally you'd expect a sink to withhold a bit of occasional pressure and I suspect everybody leans on a sink to some extent from time to time if not on a daily basis. Your husband getting cross with you was both irational and counterproductive.

Irational because it's not your fault the sink wasn't strong enough to take everyday use and counterproductive because getting cross and putting more pressure on you is most likely to increase any 'clumsiness'.

To anologise that... If you want more mayonnaise to come out the bottle what do you do? You squeeze harder. So it stands to reason if you pressure someone... It's simply going to compound their anxiety and increase the very behaviour you're trying to prevent.

Basically you're not clumsy. You're very aware of what you're doing, only most of it is outside of your control. Whoever associated the word clumsy with dyspraxia all those years ago deserves a big slap around the back of the head because it infers things which are not true.

On the whole we don't give ourselves enough credit. Remember that we're trying to achieve the same things as non dyspraxic people. We're handicapped before we even start and yet on the whole we get there.

In many ways... that's quite impressive.

[lemoutonbleu]

I had a dad similar to yours - always on at me to 'be more careful'. I didn't find out I was dyspraxic until my 20s and so always thought he was right!

So what, you're clumsy. It's a pain but this does not make you less of a person. Spilling the odd drink and walking into something here and there is not the end of the world. This might sound a bit harsh and blunt but you need to find ways of accepting it, and living with it.

Two things I've found helped me:

- Be calm in the way you move around. Take deep breaths and relax. This might make you (even) slower, but this doesn't matter. Foster a heightened sense of awareness of calm. Mindfulness techniques can help with this.

- Make your environment you-friendly. As much as possible, leave things tidy so you don't trip over them. Keep certain things you need at your eye level. When making purchases, make decisions based on the design of a product. E.g is the mug's handle big enough so you can grip it easily?

[katherine100]

Hello,

Thanks for the replies. Chatting about things on here really does help to put them in perspective. I will try and be calmer and less down on myself, which I think is the general gist of your messages and good advice.