I'm 27 and recently lost my job at an animal shelter because my dog handling skills weren't up to par. This is humiliating because I am a certified dog trainer and have been around dogs and owned them and walked them since I was about 4. But the problem is that I'm just not good at manipulating the leashes and collars, getting the dogs to walk on one side of me, lassoing the dogs in cages, and controlling my body well enough to not move quickly or awkwardly to scare the fearful ones or set off dangerous ones. The worst part is...I KNOW how to do it. If you ask me how to do these things I'll explain it well, but I just struggle to actually do it. Often I would feel myself doing something wrong, and desperately try to do it right, but just fail, often feeling like I couldn't get my body to do what I wanted, or not being sure of where/what my body was doing. I very often feel (and have been told) that there is a disconnect between what I know and what I do.
This is the first time I've ever had a job or major activity where my body/being physical was necessary. I now realize this is because I had previously avoided activities that involved a lot of coordination, precision or skill with my gross or fine motor skills. I am terrible at and always avoided things like drawing/art past age 8, as well as music that involved moving my fingers along instruments, and using my pathetic excuse for rhythm. As a very little child it took me a long time (until 2nd grade) for me to tie my shoes and even put on socks, and master other activities like art and crafts that came easy to everyone else. Unless they were extremely simple, I avoided things other girls in my school did like hand games, oragami and cat's cradle because I was so bad at them and would be embarrassed. For the longest time I was even miserable at video games, unless the were 2D like SuperMario because I didn't have the coordination necessary. I am and have always been clumsy, as like to trip when I'm running or walking as when I'm standing. I sometimes have poor control over how hard I sit down and end up plopping, at least when I'm not concentrating on it. I have poor spacial judgement and depth perception and am not the best at parallel parking. My mother always joked that I "held things wrong" and I apparently have always held pens and silverware differently than most people do. Sometimes I have difficulty controlling the volume of my voice or keeping it at the volume I want. I often drop things or even struggle to pick things up (but that might be my bitten down nails). My first girlfriend said I was "Adorably bad at everything", something that now feels true and not so adorable. I've been making mistakes with almost everything in my life in the past year or so, even when I'm trying very hard. Previously this wasn't the case. I was always an A/B student, and got a lot of praise from teachers, employers and others in charge. I felt good at things. Now I feel like a complete failure and I don't know if these are all things of a very clumsy nature and unfortunate events or...something actually wrong.
But at the same time I saw a bunch of symptoms listed for these issues that I don't have. I am good at typing, speaking, interacting with others, and some other things. Does it sound like I have Dyspraxia or a motor skills problem? Are there any exact tests that can be done? (in the event I can afford one). Are there any exercises or anything I can do to get better at these issues? I'm just really depressed now and don't know what to do, and I'm also really scared I'll never be able to get a job with dogs like I want if I can't get control of this. And what's worse is this is my second choice career after I spent 3 years trying to get a job in a field I went to college and grad school for.
Can anyone help me?