Controlling ones Dyspraxia

[Mopps]

Can anyone tell me please how to control my Dyspraxia? I also am Dyslexic too. And have Dyiscalcula also. I do try my very best to control it. But tonight I go an Email from a non Dyspraxia friend who said I,should learn how,to control it better but never gave me any advice as to how too. She also was going on about my bedroom being In a state and I need to spend time doing it and not be on the Computer,so much I do not think I am on the computer so much really. I would never be criticising someone with a condition at all I do try to keep my room better but I make cards and jewellery and do my writing too so I have all my stuff out for that. I have also heard that being cluttered and messy is a Dyspraxic thing. Can anyone help me with these questions please?'ta a,lot I was a,bit weepy after I read that friends Email would you say to someone with cancer you must control it or someone with Altzchimers you must control it . Because they cannot do,so. Sorry,to go on and on,I always seem to,do that I,don't mean to do so.'thanks for listening to me. Mops.

[Jim]

I would hope that your personal insight and capacity will tell you if you need to work on your coping mechanisms or not.

Whilst well meaning your friend is probably slightly ignorant on what Dyspraxia is like to live with, and so I'd try not to take it to heart too much.

[Tim G]

I am not too sure what you want to achieve when you say controlling Dyspraxicia - yes there are competing stragities but unforantly Dyspraxicia is not something you can really 'cover up' or control it totally

I think that your friend probably doesn't really understand Dyspraxicia that so I would say talk about it and try to educate and help your friend understand.

[Tom fod]

Can anyone tell me please how to control my Dyspraxia? I also am Dyslexic too. And have Dyiscalcula also. I do try my very best to control it. But tonight I go an Email from a non Dyspraxia friend who said I,should learn how,to control it better but never gave me any advice as to how too. She also was going on about my bedroom being In a state and I need to spend time doing it and not be on the Computer,so much I do not think I am on the computer so much really. I would never be criticising someone with a condition at all I do try to keep my room better but I make cards and jewellery and do my writing too so I have all my stuff out for that. I have also heard that being cluttered and messy is a Dyspraxic thing. Can anyone help me with these questions please?'ta a,lot I was a,bit weepy after I read that friends Email would you say to someone with cancer you must control it or someone with Altzchimers you must control it . Because they cannot do,so. Sorry,to go on and on,I always seem to,do that I,don't mean to do so.'thanks for listening to me. Mops.

Hi again Mopps

Responding to this sort of unwarranted and ill considered but ultimately well intentioned advice is not easy.

I appreciate you're polite and unassuming and would not wish to issue a sharp "Thank you but please mind your own business" reply.

I know I would feel equally stung by such a criticism had I received it myself and would be equally unhappy and just as likely to turn it over and over in my mind. Please don't feel you're "going on and on" unnecessarily. You feel hurt/upset and that is a perfectly natural reaction. Being dyspraxic is a state and not something we can control as such. I guess we can teach ourselves to be better able to ignore or respond differently rather than react to upsetting or unhelpful things casual observers choose to point out.

[Mopps]

Thank you once again for your helpful advice Tom.You are right people who do not have Dyspraxia cannot understand those who do it can affect each person in different ways some to more or less degrees. People who say things like that do not know the pain and hurt they are causing others. I try to explain to non Dyspraxia friends, just what it is like and that I cannot help being the way I am or how I do things. But I do not think I am getting through very well. I have one very good non Dyspraxic friend from school days and there are times she needs support so I support her. And when I need support she will support me. She never says control your self Mopps. She,gives me praise and encouragement, and that is very good I try to,do that to others as well. I am so,sorry that others don't understand it is not their fault really but it is very upsetting when something like that is said to,you
I don't look for people to,pity me or feel sorry for me. But just to accept me as I am just as I accept,others as they are Tom. Perhaps it is better not to speak about my conditions to who do not understand things but then how can we educate these people as to what it is really like for us folks? Many thanks again Tom.

Mopps.

[Mopps]

I am sorry but it is me again pratelling on. Again this non Dyspraxic friend has been upsetting me to do with my Dyspraxia. I do not. Hold it against. Her as I know being non Dyspraxic they do not understand what wemDyspraxics have to go through. But she was going on saying that I give Dyspraxia to much credit and again she was saying I should be controling it better and not let it control me so much. She had me in tears again after she said that she also said I need to keep on top of my room and have it tidy and wait for it folks my friend thinks I am on t he lap top and I pad to much and she thinks I am on the Dyspraxic forum to much also and that I should controling time spent on my I pad and my lap top and on. The forum. I am not aware I am on these things to much and I have other things to do any way so can't be. I don't tell my friend what she should or should not do. What is wrong what I am doing anyone like to tell me Please? I am doing my level four in P C at the Learning Center, where I stay here and I go on to look for things for it,surely that can't be wrong can it? Do any others people have problems with their non Dyspraxic friends who upset them even though they may not mean to do so?

Many thanks for listening again to my woes.

MOPS

[Tom fod]

Hi again Mops

You're by no means a prolific poster. Looking at your user statistics (click on User Control Panel to look at these yourself) you have posted 31 posts in the 3 months since you joined an average of 0.34 posts a day. (or an average of around 1 post every three days).

Irrespective of how well-meaning your friend is, she should be aware that her well meant words are particularly ignorant, unhelpful and upsetting rather than being supportive and encouraging.

Giving Dyspraxia 'too much credit' is a odd way to put it. Did she/you perhaps mean blaming it too often? Many of your visits to the forum seem directly related to people having caused you upset by their ignorant unhelpful or upsetting interference. What business is it of anyones to dictate what you do, how you should do it or how often? Even if her advice is meant in a 'well meaning' the effect it is having is on you is not good for you. Do you know anyone who could have a quiet word with her on your behalf? Maybe she is not aware of how hurtful her well meant advice is.

[cluttered]

If you want her to understand the problem with saying what she said, I think visual impairment, hearing impairment, or paralysis might be better analogies than cancer, because unlike these disabilities, cancer is a disease, and a deadly one at that. In my experience people get confused about what point you're trying to make if you compare a developmental disability to something that's different in too many significant ways, such as cancer. Using other lifelong, non-fatal disabilities that are not technically diseases as analogies is more helpful. People understand why it doesn't make sense to tell someone with deafness or blindness to "control" it, and, like dyspraxia, they are disabilities but not diseases.

[Greenartists]

I never heard of dyspraxia till I was in my 40's it explained a lot of things I find difficult and frustrating.

It sounds to me as though your friend, has some need for more control than you do! This is something that I have observed in my life of people getting very frustrated with me. I am on this site specifically because my untidiness, with other things, has become a barrier for me, and I was looking for tips, and reassurance, (I am 54).

Take a fresh look at what your friend is saying. If you can focus on your other things without being distressed by your "apparent" untidiness, then you have an aptitude that she does not. How tidy do you actually want to be anyway?

I have been tussling with this question for years.

We have choices, not in how easy we find things, but in how much time and effort we want to spend trying to make them easier.

It sounds as though you are very creative. This can be a safe place when we are overwhelmed with getting tidy, but it can also be that it is simply more important to us, and easier for us. Have you ever asked your friend to help you tidy up? Would you want her to do that?

Often, people enjoy giving advice, but if she can not understand that it is challenging for you, there may be a chance for learning both ways, if you invite her to show you how? I must admit, I did not really appreciate people who tidied my desk, at school, or my room at university, without being asked!

It does not mean that you have to imitate what she does in the future.

The simple question is, are you aware when you make the "mess". I am not, simply because I am usually thinking about something else. On a practical level, it can be useful to be more "present", but in truth, as well as being difficult, I find it very boring!