makes life unbearable

[Groentje]

Hey,

I am Belgian and dyspraxia doesn't seem to be widely recognized or known here, so it may be difficult to find help
I find it weird that it is so unknown because in my experience it can lead to serious social, mental and learning problems.
- social isolation (having difficulty being around people) being extremely irritated; Can't handle people stand close to you or touch you, it makes me feel really aggressive or scared
- extreme mood swings
- inability to control emotions or to calm myself down
- lately sometimes feelings of depersonalization and brain fog which suddenly clears up; This happens mostly in the evening (linked to mood swings ? )
- very poor memory . (both short and long term) constantly forgetting what I was doing or where I left something (ex forgetting that I am dressing myself and what to do next)
- constantly loosing things
- very poor, blurry vision
- concentration problems, problems with organizing thoughts, speech and writing;
-problems with executive functioning, unable to put ideas into actions or to organize ideas
- very poor coordination ( hard time pouring water in glass, drinking, eating, cooking, ...) Sometimes this goes easier than other times;
- problems walking or taking public transport
- getting scared very easily (for example sometimes someone just says hey to me and I almost feel like I am about to have a heart attack or something
- phobias
- muscle tension and joint problems
- hard time telling whether or not you are hungry or have to pee ?
- hard time reading facial expressions

It feel like it resembles MS a bit in symptoms ?
...

I find that dyspraxia makes my life almost unlivable. I have the feeling that I cannot fully live my life and that it interferes with my intelligence. I really want to "cure" it or at least make it more bearable; I don't think I can life my life like this, if it never gets better; In the beginning I was so glad to finally get a diagnosis because I have been suffering all my life and nobody seemed to know what it was (not quite ADHD not quite autism) but now I know that it is not just psychological and I am going to have these problems for ever I feel so so depressed;

[Groentje]

- some other symptoms are
problems with reading (reading and not really getting what is said) and interpreting and registering what people talk to me;
- unable to control the pitch of my voice; speaking really loud (people think I am angry when I am not)
- hard to learn new things (makes working really hard)
- feelings of self loathing because you cannot do the things you want to do
- having problems with kissing or having sex ( this is a big problem because I really have sexual desires but putting it into practice is really hard because do not like to be touched, hard to know what to do due to lack of coordination and body awareness. Sex causes panic attacks and I try to avoid it besides wanting to have sex)
- problems with eye contact
- always looking at the ground when walking
- combination of being overly sensitive to surroundings and not noticing surroundings
- dropping things
- hating using the telephone
- have panic attacks in public places


...

are those symptoms recognizable ? I am new to dyspraxia so it is hard for me to know if these are related to dyspraxia

Lately things have become so hard that I had to take a break from University I am afraid that I will never be able to get my degree and will have to stop school (writing papers are especially horrible they give me severe panic attacks because I really don't know how to put organize my ideas)

dyspraxia really causes a lot of frustrations because it makes my wishes and desires almost impossible (sex, need for social interaction, love to read and learn but it is so hard for me, ...)
Are those feelings recognizable ? pfuh

[Moot]

Hello Groentje, welcome to the forum.

They do sound like dyspraxic traits. Unfortunately there isn't much we can do about these things, so it really is a case of trying to make the best of a not so great situation! It's frustrating enough being in this country which does recognise dyspraxia and yet doesn't really recognise, so it must be realllly frustrating to be in a country which doesn't really recognise it near at all.

I hope you will feel better about it in time.

[Tom fod]

Hi Groentje

Welcome. There are definitely things here that people here can identify with and I can see why you are finding life very difficult.

If you haven't already, please see your doctor to ask for help with your panic attacks and blurry vision and to have him or her rule out anything more serious.

All the best

[shisu]

Hi Groentje,

I hope you are feeling better about yourself?, I read through your list and it sounded exactly like I was reading a list I would write about myself and how I feel.

The hardest problem with dyspraxia for me is like that of an alcoholic - admitting to myself and others that I have a problem, I find it so hard to ever feel positive about anything and just see problems, I think I need to try some anti-depressants but will start with the herbal stuff first rather than medical, I will let you know if this helps.