Unable to make my own meals

[Lucky Star]

When I was in secondary school, they tried to teach me how to cook and bake. But, I always had a trouble with remembering what I was supposed to do and I never mastered cracking an egg. When I tried to crack an egg I got it all over the work surface and the shell in the container. The teacher shouted at me and I got scared. You see, conflict scares me. Sometimes it has even brought me to tears. Anyway, I kept on making mistakes and the more mistakes I made, the more I got shouted at. I left school afraid of using appliances because I believed I'd get shouted at.

All through college I never had to worry about making my own meals. My dad made meals for me and I'm very grateful. But I'm not a student anymore. I'm an adult. And the family dynamics are starting to change. Sometime this year, me and my brother will be moving into a rented accommodation together. I can't expect him to make my meals for me. But so far I've managed to make a boiling water volcano trying to make super noodles. My brother said he worries about me sometimes. But, my dad is teaching me how to cook without raising his voice. I can make curry as long as he reminds me what I'm supposed to do as I start. I still can't crack an egg and I don't know how to use an oven because my dad's oven door is sellotaped together. So, I'm scared of his door possibly falling off.

I'm trying my hardest to be independent though. Maybe one day I won't be a health hazard in the kitchen.

[Tom fod]

Experiencing/butting heads with people with no patience and very judgemental attitudes really doesn't help us! It's nice that your dad has the patience to give you some cooking lessons.

I'm relatively new to cooking for myself. I lived at home till 38 as to be honest I was scared about a lot of things. I think there's a lot of pressure to get things perfect and we often can be too driven by that.

I tend to use a table knife to crack eggs. I tap the egg enough to crack it then pull it apart over a container. Yes I sometimes end up with a bit of shell but I can always use the tip of the knife to fish it out. You'll find a way that works for you.

Like anyone else we do need need to be more focussed when we're trying to cook and not let other things distract us (including our own fear).

Start with simple things and perfect those to build your confidence and gradually branch out to try new things when you feel ready. If you can do curry, spaghetti bolognese is quite similar, only you would probably use minced beef (or maybe quorn) rather than lamb or chicken (or just vegetables). Remember to be patient and don't whack it on maximum and hope for the best! The synchronisation of various parts of a meal can be tricky and can trip anyone up so take care but do try not to worry too much.

Maybe politely suggest your dad fixes/gets the oven door fixed properly to allow you a better more relaxing learning environment. Find yourself a good beginners cookbook and try following recipes or find them in free supermarket magazines or off the web as you could print them and tick off the steps as you complete them.

Take care and remember it's a learning experience.

All the best

[Lucky Star]

Well, the newest thing I learned how to make is American style pancakes. My dad pre-cracked the eggs for me and put them in a container for me. I took four attempts for me to learn when to flip the things. The first three times, I tried to flip the too soon and they fell apart. On the forth, was a perfect pancake. And now my brother has discovered that I cannot tell the time off an analogue clock. I can only understand digital. I tried to time it by the hands on the clock, but I got mixed up between which is the minute hand and which is the hour hand. It didn't help that the hands were designed to look like a knife and fork. That only confused me more.

[Boo!]

I hated cookery classes in school. I was certain the teacher hated me because I couldn't do anything right. My school report from her stated I was lazy and needed to try harder. I must've looked like an incompetent fool to her but I tried so much harder than everyone else but it didn't make the slightest bit of difference. I still can't cook an egg 20 years later.

I have managed to almost perfect a handful of dishes but I need instructions beside me to know what to do next. I find it difficult to follow instructions in a cookery book or on the back of packets.

Why don't you get someone to help you by being there as you cook a meal and then you write down each step yourself in your own instruction book? Start with a few basic dishes first. This is what I'm doing and I'm finally getting to grips with it bit by bit.

I haven't tried anything too difficult yet but I'm moving towards it gradually. I haven't attempted to weigh different items yet.

It's so frustrating at times especially when I see my daughter cooking bolognese with her dad and I still haven't mastered it but I'm also proud of what I've achieved as my brain deserts me when I walk into a kitchen.

[Jim]

If cooking is a challenge to you as a Dyspraxic you could turn it into a routine.

This might sound a bit anal but you could consider making yourself a time-table of meals, in which you basically have set menu for each day and repeat it each week.

This way you are regularly cooking your core basic culinary diet and the repetition process could help you learn, as well as writing your own instructions (and maybe even recipes).

Many meals can be cooked in a variety of different ways and as such there are few "right" or "wrong" ways to cook them, just so long as you take care to adhere to the core food hygiene concepts (otherwise you could up end poisoning yourself).

It's about finding the processes and techniques which you are comfortable with.

Also a dish doesn't have to be complicated to be valid as a meal, simple dishes carried out well can be every bit as tasty and elegant as fancy and complicated recipes.

[Lucyletitia]

Video jug is good, I have problems sometimes just make sure you crack an egg into an empty container so you can take the shell bits out with a fork lol

[Wayward]

Aw sweetie I'm sad to hear you're so worried about cooking. I remember being convinced when I was younger that I'd never live independently because I wasn't able to lift and pour a kettle full of water (guess how many cups of tea I made myself today!)

I think the main problem you have is that you're scared to get things wrong (I know the feeling!) Try to remind yourself that nobody is going to shout at you. It's ok to make mistakes.

Other than that, here are my tips:

Get a kitchen timer that you can set to seconds as well as minutes. That way you don't have to worry about the clock (frankly, I think most people would struggle with novelty 'knife and fork' hands, not just a dyspraxic!) Play about with the timer and get used to the sound of it going off so that it doesn't startle you too much!

Don't be ashamed to use pre-prepared ingredients like chopped carrots, grated cheese etc if it will save you the stress of using knives etc. You can get gadgets to help with opening tins more easily, things like that can make a difference.

Allow yourself plenty of time. Get all your ingredients ready before you start using the oven or hob, that way you're less likely to get flustered. Use a microwave if it will save you worrying about a pan boiling over.

Start simple. If you worry about not cooking meat through properly, try making something veggie.

Well done with the pancakes - NOBODY finds those easy!

Oh, and with breaking eggs, the technique I use these days is i tap it on a clean flat work surface (over time I've increased how hard I tap it, now that I've got used to how firm you can and can't be with an egg) then stick my fingers into the weakened part of the shell and just pull it apart over a bowl. You can fish out any eggshell afterwards with your fingers. Mostly with breaking eggs for me, it's been getting over the uckiness of touching raw egg! I used to try and break eggs on the side of the bowl and of course the bowl would rock over to the side or I'd hit too hard and get egg all over the place, but the new method seems to work for me.

Good luck! Let us know how you get on.

[screengreen]

Why, don't teachers use simple aids to help people learn to cook! personally I recommend meal assembly... by this I mean putting together and assembling packets and tins and pot dishes. Also I find the 'u' shaped peelers much easier to use than the regular ones! I hope you don't mind but I am posting my pasta bol recipe
You need: 1 jar of pasta sauce / passata and pesto
frozen/ dried onions
some mince.
put all of said ingredients in a pan and cook on a high or medium heat for about ten minutes ( I use a digital timer because I forget times even when I am in the kitchen)
meanwhile put some pasta in a pan of boiling water for about 15mins.

For a pasta bake you can put all of the above ingredients (although you do need quick cook pasta or macaroni for the pasta) in an oven proof dish and cook at about 200degrees for about half an hour to forty mins. hope this helps someone.

If any one wants any tips on cooking other things I'd be happy to help as I developed quite a few super easy recipes over the years.

[Jim]

I think it's also quite important to have a kitchen which fits you. By this I mean a kitchen which is sensibly designed and laid out so that you're able to develop your routines and methods.

I've recently moved, and the kitchen I've just been inflicted with is pathetic, I could have designed a better one wearing several blindfolds. There's no work-space basically and for someone who does a lot of their prep work before cooking that's difficult because you've got nowhere to put things and you end up tripping over yourself or pacing around the kitchen with a hot tray you've just taken from the oven thinking "well where the **** am I going to put this?".

It's damaged my personal strategy of organizing myself in the kitchen and it's difficult not to get flustered as a result. Why only last night I almost deep fried my fingers! But at least the Schnitzel I made tasted awesome.

We're having a new kitchen put in soon, and I insisted in having some additional work-space to well you know cook. And I'll also be looking forward in the next couple of years in buying my own house so I can have kitchen of my own. It can be difficult sharing a kitchen because you can't control the clutter left by others.

In general I'm not too bad at cooking. I wouldn't say that I enjoy it but I do like cooking myself something nice so that I can say "Hey! I made that and it's a thousand times better than a supermarket ready meal". I tend to stick to relatively simple things, or I'll search the internet for ideas and recipes and adapt them to my own ends.

I'll never be able to chop up ingredients like one of those super professional celebrity chefs but if that's peoples barometer of what makes a good cook then they can "GTFO". No I give myself extra time to prep my ingredients and I cut things up slowly and deliberately.

Pasta is one of the main things I cook. Pasta is pretty versatile and you can basically make a sauce up as you go and it'll still come out ok. The key to me is simplicity and sensible methods. It's surprising what you can achieve when you find simple but good recipes and clever techniques which remove some unnecessary complications left by greater society.

[screengreen]

yep good kitchen design helps and if you can't afford a new kitchen then you may be able to create space by getting one of those sturdie kitchen trolley things ... we got one to put our microwave on so that I had space to put things on when getting them out of the oven! also take care with oven trays we have set with large metal handles lovely except I have lost count of the times I've burned myself on them OUCH!