struggling

[amp78]

Hi I am 34, was diagnosed with dyspraxia in my late teens, struggled in childhood parents could not understnad why i was so annoying ect ect, no self esteem. Then I went to college and my tutors realised I was a little different so I was tested and everything just fell in to place.
Problem is I am struggling now more than ever .....or maybe it just seems that way. I have never really shared this issue with any one and I think I have got to the stage now where I will just look like I am making excuses for being a bit quirky/clumsy/strange/difficult. Before I didnt share because I was always told at school and home that i was thick and I infruriated people especially my family and I just wanted to work hard to proove everyone wrong if that makes sense -probably not
Well there is the history, now for the problem. I am in a relationship and my partner does not know my issue and i think i am driving her away ....or up the wall or both. Its been more problmatic recently because i have come under pressure at work.
1) can stress make this issue worse?
2) Can the symptoms get worse?


Anyway I think she is ready to leave me and its the last thing i want, she is my whole life but i am struggling to communicate and I dont want it to seem like i am making excuses. My last Girlfriend left me after a number of years because and I quote "i am one of the most infruriating indivisduals she had ever known" However after we had broken up I told her my problem and she was devastated that I had never told her and found that a lot of things made sense and was very mad that I had not told her previously........... now heres my issue its been 4 years with my new partner and I have known her for 7yrs. I dont know why I didnt tell her I think I can cope and get on and get my head sorted but obviously I can't I dont want her to think that I was hiding it, I just struggle with the whole thing and feel weak -and I hate weakness especially in me.
I just dont know where to start and I dont really have anyone to talk to because the one person who who I shared everything with thinks I am a bit of a dick right now and as stopped talking to me.
Has I ahev said some of the symptoms got really bad when I came under a lot of pressure at work before that I was controlling it and holding things togather, I just want to know is that possible really? for the symptoms to get worse? and so 'apparant' in the space of a few months. I mean I have always been a bot dippy but at the moemnt I am terrible.
Help please, just need advice, someone to talk to

Thank A

[Jim]

1) can stress make this issue worse?

Definitely yes.

2) Can the symptoms get worse?

They can feel worse the more stressed and fatigued you get, because that's when your coping mechanisms will break down.

I think it would be so incredibly difficult to advise you in this situation and probably irresponsible to try. Everyone is different and we all view things from different perspectives.

However, you're not alone and your'e definitely not weak. Low self esteem is probably the most common factor of having Dyspraxia and I'd imagine that every single member on this forum can relate to this in some way.

You say that people find you infuriating. It sounds like they simply try to tolerate you without understanding you which suggests that they're trying to apply their own perspectives on your behavior. (This is futile.. it'd be a bit like plonking a DVD into a Blu Ray player and then getting all upset when it fails to play).

The only thing I would suggest is to try and have a sit down (and heart to heart) conversation with your family (or girlfriend). People are less reasonable and tolerant in the way they react to real-time situations, so sitting someone down and giving each other a genuine chance to describe and listen to each others perspectives. It's also a much more tactful way of dealing with things.

So, you need to give them an opportunity to understand you better and see things from your perspective. But also you may need to reflect, and appreciate how and why they find you so "infuriating". If you can understand that and their perspectives better then you'll be better equipped to adjust your behavior around them, just like they will with theirs around you.

However, if people are too close minded and intolerant about something, then very possibly you're better off with out them, some people are just too incompatible with each other. In these situations both sides think the other side is being a "dick" when in actual fact the blame is equal.

[amp78]

thanks jim sometimes u just need to hear it from someone else. I infuriate myself with my avoidance of issues I know I am doing it but can never stop. Starting difficult Or emotional conversations just never happens and I eat myself alive with it until I can't sleep eat ...... Or do n y thing which of course makes everything else worse. I was at the end last night hence the 2 am write up. You will never know how difficult it was just to pick up the lap top and research dyspraxia never mind write on the forum. I have never admitted even needing help before. Just avoided the whole thing from day 1. Never even went back and told my parents because I just thought it would affirm everything they ever thought of me. Thanks again for replying