Dumped dyspraxic

[cj254]

Is it me or?


Does this stupid thing make me analyse every little aspect in a negative manner?

I finished with my girlfriend a few weeks ago (I say this, she finished me- manhood, nowhere to be seen). I just want to cuddle her again, and I keep asking WHY? and breaking down every little part, I keep pestering her to be friends again because I miss interacting with her (although I don't, but I keep thinking she was about as accepting of me and my ways as I'm gonna find) but I dunno man I just...

I'm not sure if I actually got dumped because I AM dyspraxic and anxious and awkward. Probably not, she was a genuinely nice girl. I also really hope she moves on to someone better than me who doesn't make her life stressful with constant texts and desires to ADHERE TO PERFECT SCHEDULES ("It's 6.05, you said you'd be here at 6.00"). She did do wonderful things for me in terms of helping me out of the comfort zone, but then...I got to depend on her a bit as a result and when it ended, I felt uber-bad.

Anyone any advice? Want to comfort me or just laugh at me?

[Tom fod]

Hi CJ

The last thing anyone here is going to do is laugh at you and in the unseen before instance that anyone did we Mods and many other users would not be happy!

I think many if not all of us are deep thinkers who are constantly analysing. We're also really good at empathising with people/feeling their pain which is not always great.

I guess the best thing would be to allow her and yourself some space though I appreciate that is not easy. If it was not too acrimonious a split surely the friendship can continue but you both need to be clear on what the new boundaries are.

I think we're all a bit tied to our phones and online social media these days and many people become anxious when they don't get the reply they expect right away. A friend I know is very badly affected by this. She can become really anxious if people don't/are unable to answer and worries that she has become persona non grata. It's a very real fear for her.

Try not to feel it's personally all your fault she obviously cared something for you to have been your girlfriend to start with. It may rekindle but if it doesn't learn from your mistakes and try not to let it hold you back getting to know other people who will be equally accepting of you.

[cj254]

Cheers buddy,

I think she really did care about me.,,it's just she's going travelling soon and I think anything too serious would have caused us both too much pain. She was good at putting bravado about being independent and strong, but she used to show me her sensitive side and all the stuff she had to put up with. it made me sad but it drove me ridiculously close to her that someone who would want to actually connect to me on that level.

She has a blog and she wrote on there that she "loves someone more than life itself. I'm sorry I hurt you. One day you will find the girl you deserve and I won't know what I'll do"...I can only think that'd be about me? I hate how much I analyse things and the last thing I wanna do is keep bothering her if she wants nothing to do with me...but what if she does really love me? Life's hard.

I think the thing to do is just simply live life and let the chips fall where they may. Unless anyone else has any better ideas?

[darellecourtney]

Hey,

i just have to say that I hope you are feeling better. I think the thing to remember is she finished with you. I know it's totally hard - I am in a similar place right now. I finished with my ex but I am just realizing that he had been abusing me emotionally for the entirety of our relationship. I am in no way comparing but I think that sometimes people get a lucky escape.

I mean, if you think she might have finished with you because you are dyspaxic, or too awkward?! That's just awful. You don't need that kind of girl if that is true. Plus, I really don't think that she cares for you very much if she dumped you because she is going travelling - the only reason people do this that I know is cos they wanna be 'free' while they are away...

I'm sorry if this is coming off as a bit harsh. I am just apalled that I wasted so much of my life with such an idiot, who crushed my spirit. Being dyspraxic is no reason to think that someone can't love or understand you - the fact that you felt so dependant on her and how she is now saying, after dumping you, that she actually does love you, just rings huge alarm bells for me. It just seems like she is playing with you.

I would advise that you cut contact, try to feel better in yourself and allow yourself to heal before you speak to her again - after all if she still loves you then eventually it might work out right? Just don't jump back in with the intention of being perfect - SHE dumped YOU. She's gotta grovel and wait to get you back.

I hope that this helps you. She may well love you. I thought my ex did. Turns out he just needed someone to put down to make him feel better. I seriously can't stand the idea of that happening to anyone else. If you need someone to talk to I am totally here.

Darelle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[cj254]

Hiya Darelle,

Thanks for your response, I really appreciate that. It gets to me because I keep on over-analysing.."what did I do wrong, how could I have made it work", then she told me that I was ignorant for thinking like that.

Turns out the one she loved wasnt me, she told me that she loves someone else...but is now "friends with benefits" with another guy. I told her that I care about her regardless and she basically said, get out of my life and blocked me. And then retorted about how guys always hurt her, which made me feel bad to imply that I'm on the same level as those assholes. I didn't care if she wasnt able to say that she loved me, I just wanted to make her feel good. I feel mad that all I wanted to do was make her happy and then she goes and does this to me. Am I justified in feeling like this?

I certainly feel dyspraxia didn't help, because it made me anxious and made me want to analyse every little aspect. I'm glad it did not go any further though, hurts like hell though. She did go on about wanting to be "free".

I'd like to talk further to you about this if poss, be nice to just chat to someone else who can empathise. I'd appreciate that- drop me a PM if that's something you'd like to do

Thank You,
Callum

:-))) xx

[Jim]

I think to an extent, if someone doesn't want to be with someone then they don't want to be with someone. As hard as that can be to swallow, ultimately that person doesn't really need a reason.

Whether you still love that person or not, you're still better off without them if they don't want to be with you. Because you'll always want more from them than they can give you and you'd end up being indirectly abused.

Any relationship which works is an equal partnership, both sides have to be in it.

[uniquecharlie]

sorry to here about what happened, i understand what ure going though.
I was going out with a guy i meet on here for 3 years and he was also dyspraxic so we understood each other and it worked well but my dyspraxia was more severe then his and his parents didnt get that so his mom ended up splitting us apart. dyspraxia and relationships can suck alot, and makes things harder but we deserve love to
hope u find the strength to move on from her and get ur confidence back

[cj254]

dp. Balls

[cj254]

I AM better without I think. I still care about her and hope that things go well for her, but it's obvious thats all in the past now. I am hurting like hell however and I have no idea how to get my confidence back. I just...I'm not used to being single now; I also worry that when I next get in a relationship, the same will happen again. It was great at the start, but when I get more serious- I over-analysed things and became anxious...that didn't work well with her depression. She only wanted to share positive emotion with me. I NEED to not worry about the next one and just live and make the most of life, easier said then done...but I got to start small with little goals, I think?

I'm hoping that the saying that time is the greatest healer will ring true.

You guys have all been great with your wisdom, advice and care. Much love.