Talking on the telephone

[Creative]

How do you find talking on the phone? I'm ok with people I know well but i find it hard to ring up people i don't know well. I often find it hard to start the conversation off and know what to say.

[AlleyCat]

I used to absolutely detest talking on the phone! A big part of the reason for this was to do with all the bullying I experienced at school (and sometimes elsewhere) because of my speech, so I was always worried what people would think of me. Before I was diagnosed with dyspraxia, I had an admin job which included speaking on the phone- one day one of the members of staff I had to leave messages for was really nasty about the way I sounded on the phone and even seemed to be mimicking me! I was also gutted years ago when someone phoned to speak to my sister, I answered it and then (much to my sister's amusement), the caller told my sister that I sounded 'stoned on the phone.' My mum used to whinge about me 'never wanting to answer the phone', but you can see why I was so reluctant to do so. These days, I try not to care too much about what people might think of the sound of my voice on the phone, but I do sometimes have issues with ensuring that I get across what I want to say if it's an important call. For this reason, I sometimes write down the first bit of what I want to say, to make sure I get the important points across. Perhaps you could try that?

[Tom fod]

Never an easy thing for me either. I'm not greatest telephone fan unless I know the person. I have a tendency to be (or feel I've been) misunderstood which makes it stressful/worrying. I prefer to email if I can but sometimes phone or better still face to face can give you a clue that the other person has understood. Being patient and polite is also key.

Writing out what you want to say or bullet points as prompts are good ideas as is getting/giving read back of important points. Try to ensure you have something to write on/with. I find writing neatly while holding a phone to my ear can be tricky and I do need to tidy up what I've written straight away after the call.

HTH

Tom

[electric_blue101]

i can totally relate to this post!

it's so wierd, as generally i don't mind talking to people face-to-face but a lot of the time when i'm on the phone, i find it difficult to organise my thoughts and therefore feel that i'm overthinking about what i'm saying and am scared of embarrassing myself, particularly if it's a professional phonecall for work/placement at uni and i end up getting flustered and stuttering and saying the wrong thing.

in addition to this, i always feel really uncomfortable speaking to someone on the phone who i either don't know well or have not spoken to in person for a while. i feel that i always muddle up my speech.

[jeff1909]

How do you find talking on the phone? I'm ok with people I know well but i find it hard to ring up people i don't know well. I often find it hard to start the conversation off and know what to say.

It's pretty hard for me to speak on the phone. Do you guys have any tips that help you in times when you MUST speak on the telephone and don't have a choice? I often don't answer my Business Telephone because I am nervous. Its better for me to use online Softphones where I can send text messages instead of having to speak.

Thanks in advance,

Jeff

[Jim]

Weirdly I always found speaking on the phone less intimidating. Possibly because if someome at a workplace, or providing a service to you was to mock someone whatever the medium they'd be in for the high jump but also because it's a more detached way of verbal communication and it's easier to take your time with it.

Mercifully I haven't often been mocked for my speech as an adult, at least not to my face anyway yet I can remember all too well what it was like at school, being mimicked, ridiculed, called a spastic, accused of having a lisp and all manner of nasty things children do to other children who aren't like them.

[AlleyCat]

Weirdly I always found speaking on the phone less intimidating. Possibly because if someome at a workplace, or providing a service to you was to mock someone whatever the medium they'd be in for the high jump but also because it's a more detached way of verbal communication and it's easier to take your time with it.

Most of the time I just try to get on with it if I need to use the phone. However, not that long ago I was laughed at when I stumbled while speaking to someone from Animal Friends about my cat's insurance- the woman who laughed said she 'apologised for laughing,' but it still didn't really make it better. In response to Emma in another discussion on here, I have talked about being mocked to my face about my speech when I worked at MAFF- the member of staff who mocked me wasn't disciplined at all (although there were several others in the office who witnessed the way he was speaking to me) and is probably still working there many years later, whereas I was pushed out of my job after 3 months (the contract was temporary anyway) by a judgemental line manager who claimed that I 'couldn't be trusted to do anything,' although she couldn't give specific examples.

Mercifully I haven't often been mocked for my speech as an adult, at least not to my face anyway yet I can remember all too well what it was like at school, being mimicked, ridiculed, called a spastic, accused of having a lisp and all manner of nasty things children do to other children who aren't like them.

I am very glad that you haven't been ridiculed for your speech as an adult. Sadly, I can't say the same about myself. Having been cruelly mocked during my time at secondary school, and scared to speak as a result, I was devastated to witness a few students in my department at university thinking they had the right to mock my speech to my face. When I was on teaching practice during my PGCE, the mentor who was supposed to be supporting me criticised my speech, telling me to 'talk quicker.' My speech has even been criticised by the SENCO of a secondary school where I worked as a teaching assistant- she had employed me in full knowledge of me having dyspraxia, so I felt that she of all people should have known that people with dyspraxia can have issues with their speech, and that telling them to change the way they speak simply doesn't work and can leave them feeling humiliated.

[shadowgirl021]

I actually prefer talking on the phone, I get compliments for my "telephone voice" because I speak professionally and in a polite manner, saying that I also got mocked for my voice. The most annoying thing is school kids mocking your voice and then saying "why are you so quiet" you just feel like bashing there heads together and shouting "for goodness sake work it out"!
As I think it was suggested before, you could write down what you wanted to say. for example if it was for a job, write down key points you wanted to know about the job like hours.

[williamsuk]

omgosh! ppl despair that I don't answer my landline..im getting better at answering my mobile since ive missed some important calls (im 43 btw) I get anxious when having a private conversation (im fine at work in the hospital because I just have to relay facts) I guess im anxious incase one of us runs out of things to say, or not being able to judge how long it's polite to go on for! it makes such a difference to know there might be a reason and that im not alone. sali x

[Lemony]

OMG I thought this was just me, I had no idea it was a DCD thing - what a relief!!! I get really anxious on the phone & can;t judge people's reactions, can;t hear or understand them properly without bodily cues, never know when to talk ot shut up, constantly talk over & interrupt people accidentally. Hate it!

[Lucky Star]

I have issues with talking on the phone too! I cannot deal with phoning up my local doctors because if no one answers the phone it starts going through a series of telling you what number to press for what thing your calling about and then I get so confused. So, I end up just going down the to speak to the receptionist or my dad calls for me. I also get really nervous when I have to call someone I don't know personally. It usually takes me ten minutes of pacing back and forth until I feel brave enough to make the call.

[Slinky Siren]

Thank god 4 email. Much rather email the phone. I dont fe happy talking on the phone. I never realised i had a problem until i came on the forum. Yippee i am not alone.