Hi i'm Glow, this is my first time on this fourm? a bit nervous. I guess i've had dyspraxcia all my life but had no idea. I've always been shouted at, called names such as stupid and clumsy by family members, and teachers when i was a teenager. Dressed in dark colours and given things that had already been used because i'd "loose them, break them, or dirty them" I was always subdued just in case? I dont really blame them now because they didn't know. I've been Married and called every name under the sun divorced now.
Its been 3yrs now since i found out i have dys... the first two years i didn't know what the diagnosis ment. I was in a learning enviorment at the time.
Last year this time i saw a book in whsmiths "Dyspraxcia the hidden handicap" I was so taken by this book, i brought it, read some of it, then went to peices. serious depression all summer no one knew what happened to me. Every thing that i'd experienced was just flashing through my mind.
Because i was diagnosed in a learning institute its written how it affects my learning ability, but it also has an affect on my day to day living ability.
The biggest being organising. its so tiring and time consuming that things hardly get done, serious matters get real detumental. Just writing this has taken me almost an hour. What can i do?
general?
Moderator: Moderator Team
First of all, well done! Not many people have managed to get to the stage you have so far, and it takes a lot of personal honesty to analyse what you do and come to the conclusion that you're not stupid, merely different.
Secondly I got diagnosed myself a month or so after I was kicked out by my mother, who never really understood why I could juggle algebra and imagine functions in my head but still couldn't tie my shoelaces/remember simple daily routine ( and therefore took it as a personal insult)... And I spent a lot of the time guilt-ridden and navel gazing last summer not really going anywhere.
Then you have to realise you're *not* stupid, merely different. And then you start learning again. Even the small amount of confidence gained after realising this helps you in your day to day activities - you're suddenly not as worried about saying "pardon?" *again* or not worried about asking to write a list of instructions at work down and not worried about spending a little more money for clothes that aren't oddly scratchy and uncomfortable to wear and not ashamed of liking the subtitles on when watching DVDs and many many more I can think of. A lot of the time I don't even have to explain dyspraxia to people - I just ask for a piece of paper, or a little more room and say I've always been clumsy. Although some things you can't really escape, for example it still takes me the same time as it did at A level to write and balance half equations despite studying for a degree and everyone else getting quicker and quicker as they do it more. I still get glared on buses for being thrown about, and I get dodgy looks off people when it takes *ages* for me to pack my food and put my change away in a supermarket. But then they don't know, so it doesn't feel insulting anymore, merely a misunderstanding.
The trick is to get out of the navel gazing mode "omg I'm disabled" and move into all the things you now know you can do better because you've lived with it: for example stick me in front of a computer or a networking problem and I'm at home. You're probably a lot more emotionally resiliant because of what has happened to you. You're probably a lot more understanding towards people who are "invisibly different" like you and are far less likely to jump into tabloid style political opinions. You're probably an incredibly good visual thinker because your brain naturally compensates for the difficulty with memorising sequences. And eventually, you might be a "why not?" person in business circles instead of a "why?" person, which means you're more likely to head towards success and promotion in the better companies. Obviously the other negative bits are still there. But most people are great at adapting once they know how to adapt to their style of thinking.
In conclusion: it does end, but you have to shift yourself out of it.
The little organising things that helped for me:
1. Setting alarms on my phone, especially once you get into the habit of keeping it on vibrate.
2. A whiteboard/chalkboard in my kitchen and my bedroom to write down to do lists, food that needs to be purchased, approaching deadlines... Also a calender is handy.
3. If you are still studying, colour coded see-through plastic wallets with matching ring binder folders. If not, this still works with bills. It becomes a lot more automatic when all you have to do is empty the purple wallet into the purple folder, and so on.
4. I know this sounds obvious, but have ONE bag - get a record bag in grey/brown or something. Have a pocket for keys/wallet/phone and another big pocket for everything else: umbrella/waterproof, jumper, diary, deodrant and sun cream (damn irish burning blood). Don't bother with having another bag - it just provides an opportuinity to forget stuff. In my case, I have a zippble pocket for my laptop - flat when not in use. Plus it doesn't look like a laptop bag so I wont get mugged ( kinda important in central Reading ). If you're a bit squeamish about bags, or don't have as much stuff as I have, having a large dish near your front door for wallet/keys/phone and always empty them when you enter the house and always take the items when you leave the house, but that's harder for me IMO.
5. Don't bother owning expensive mp3 players and such unless you can afford the insurance on them as well, or can afford a replacement. I have a discman and burn CDs from my iTunes. It's then only £7.50/$13 in the local ADSA or Argos ( or whatever your cheapy shops are ) to replace it.
Secondly I got diagnosed myself a month or so after I was kicked out by my mother, who never really understood why I could juggle algebra and imagine functions in my head but still couldn't tie my shoelaces/remember simple daily routine ( and therefore took it as a personal insult)... And I spent a lot of the time guilt-ridden and navel gazing last summer not really going anywhere.
Then you have to realise you're *not* stupid, merely different. And then you start learning again. Even the small amount of confidence gained after realising this helps you in your day to day activities - you're suddenly not as worried about saying "pardon?" *again* or not worried about asking to write a list of instructions at work down and not worried about spending a little more money for clothes that aren't oddly scratchy and uncomfortable to wear and not ashamed of liking the subtitles on when watching DVDs and many many more I can think of. A lot of the time I don't even have to explain dyspraxia to people - I just ask for a piece of paper, or a little more room and say I've always been clumsy. Although some things you can't really escape, for example it still takes me the same time as it did at A level to write and balance half equations despite studying for a degree and everyone else getting quicker and quicker as they do it more. I still get glared on buses for being thrown about, and I get dodgy looks off people when it takes *ages* for me to pack my food and put my change away in a supermarket. But then they don't know, so it doesn't feel insulting anymore, merely a misunderstanding.
The trick is to get out of the navel gazing mode "omg I'm disabled" and move into all the things you now know you can do better because you've lived with it: for example stick me in front of a computer or a networking problem and I'm at home. You're probably a lot more emotionally resiliant because of what has happened to you. You're probably a lot more understanding towards people who are "invisibly different" like you and are far less likely to jump into tabloid style political opinions. You're probably an incredibly good visual thinker because your brain naturally compensates for the difficulty with memorising sequences. And eventually, you might be a "why not?" person in business circles instead of a "why?" person, which means you're more likely to head towards success and promotion in the better companies. Obviously the other negative bits are still there. But most people are great at adapting once they know how to adapt to their style of thinking.
In conclusion: it does end, but you have to shift yourself out of it.
The little organising things that helped for me:
1. Setting alarms on my phone, especially once you get into the habit of keeping it on vibrate.
2. A whiteboard/chalkboard in my kitchen and my bedroom to write down to do lists, food that needs to be purchased, approaching deadlines... Also a calender is handy.
3. If you are still studying, colour coded see-through plastic wallets with matching ring binder folders. If not, this still works with bills. It becomes a lot more automatic when all you have to do is empty the purple wallet into the purple folder, and so on.
4. I know this sounds obvious, but have ONE bag - get a record bag in grey/brown or something. Have a pocket for keys/wallet/phone and another big pocket for everything else: umbrella/waterproof, jumper, diary, deodrant and sun cream (damn irish burning blood). Don't bother with having another bag - it just provides an opportuinity to forget stuff. In my case, I have a zippble pocket for my laptop - flat when not in use. Plus it doesn't look like a laptop bag so I wont get mugged ( kinda important in central Reading ). If you're a bit squeamish about bags, or don't have as much stuff as I have, having a large dish near your front door for wallet/keys/phone and always empty them when you enter the house and always take the items when you leave the house, but that's harder for me IMO.
5. Don't bother owning expensive mp3 players and such unless you can afford the insurance on them as well, or can afford a replacement. I have a discman and burn CDs from my iTunes. It's then only £7.50/$13 in the local ADSA or Argos ( or whatever your cheapy shops are ) to replace it.
HI Glow.
I found myself nodding as I read your post. It is really hard and tiring doing everyday stuff and I get seriously blue for a while after diagnosis, looking back at my life with this new knowledge.......it was all a bit crap really. But now I know I find that I don't get so angry with myself anymore - I know why now I'm like it's ok I'm special. Sometimes it really is funny now.
artmelows advice is good and there is more all over this site and things that will make tyou smile too - for me it has really help with my 'journey toward self acceptance' (I can't read on a screen too well so sometimes I print off the page to read it - costs a fortune in ink but..I think it' s worth it.) so have a trall and see what you can find
I have a magic phone that keeps me organised um most of the time. I also don't expect too much of me. I know if I try to do too much it doesn't get done so I set do able goals like put on a wash today and make an appointment at the hairdressers( todays goals both of which I have done yay)
hope that helps a bit, keep posting
I found myself nodding as I read your post. It is really hard and tiring doing everyday stuff and I get seriously blue for a while after diagnosis, looking back at my life with this new knowledge.......it was all a bit crap really. But now I know I find that I don't get so angry with myself anymore - I know why now I'm like it's ok I'm special. Sometimes it really is funny now.
artmelows advice is good and there is more all over this site and things that will make tyou smile too - for me it has really help with my 'journey toward self acceptance' (I can't read on a screen too well so sometimes I print off the page to read it - costs a fortune in ink but..I think it' s worth it.) so have a trall and see what you can find
I have a magic phone that keeps me organised um most of the time. I also don't expect too much of me. I know if I try to do too much it doesn't get done so I set do able goals like put on a wash today and make an appointment at the hairdressers( todays goals both of which I have done yay)
hope that helps a bit, keep posting
Hi,
This is also my first time on the forum and like for every one els it was a huge relief to find people with such similar circumstances. I really identify with this particular thread as I am 26 and only realising that it is dispraxia that has impacted on my life so much to this date. As this is a recent conclusion I still have that sinking feeling in my stomach that things aren't going to just click into place it is going to be a constant thing of making sure that I am doing what is right for me and not neccesssarily what 'I supposedly should be doing'. The advice that has been given on this thread is so helpfull but what really scares me is the social factor. I would love to be able to share myself with a partner or have a group of friends to socialise with. Does any one have any advice here? Is there a way in which this can become easier or even possible?
Also do people find that their mood drops when their is less sunlight? Is this a common thing in dyspraxia.
Thanks alot to you all.
Sara
This is also my first time on the forum and like for every one els it was a huge relief to find people with such similar circumstances. I really identify with this particular thread as I am 26 and only realising that it is dispraxia that has impacted on my life so much to this date. As this is a recent conclusion I still have that sinking feeling in my stomach that things aren't going to just click into place it is going to be a constant thing of making sure that I am doing what is right for me and not neccesssarily what 'I supposedly should be doing'. The advice that has been given on this thread is so helpfull but what really scares me is the social factor. I would love to be able to share myself with a partner or have a group of friends to socialise with. Does any one have any advice here? Is there a way in which this can become easier or even possible?
Also do people find that their mood drops when their is less sunlight? Is this a common thing in dyspraxia.
Thanks alot to you all.
Sara
Welcome to the forum, Sara.
Social anxiety and problems getting to know people are common problems. How have you got on with these so far? What particular areas would say are most difficult for you?
I think a major issue for many is that the venues and types of socialising in mainstream culture don't suit dyspraxics, be it due to noise levels, numbers of people or for other reasons. It's an individual thing though, so some people have less a problem with going out to the pub with friends whereas others find it impossible, with many gradations inbetween. If you do find it difficult it's a matter of finding alternative venues to get to know people which better suit you. Suggestions include joining clubs, societies or evening classes where you'll be able to meet others with similar interests. The internet shouldn't be overlooked either.
I'm not sure about the sunlight thing. I think it's normal that it affects you but it may be some people are more sensitive to these changes.
Social anxiety and problems getting to know people are common problems. How have you got on with these so far? What particular areas would say are most difficult for you?
I think a major issue for many is that the venues and types of socialising in mainstream culture don't suit dyspraxics, be it due to noise levels, numbers of people or for other reasons. It's an individual thing though, so some people have less a problem with going out to the pub with friends whereas others find it impossible, with many gradations inbetween. If you do find it difficult it's a matter of finding alternative venues to get to know people which better suit you. Suggestions include joining clubs, societies or evening classes where you'll be able to meet others with similar interests. The internet shouldn't be overlooked either.
I'm not sure about the sunlight thing. I think it's normal that it affects you but it may be some people are more sensitive to these changes.
Thanks Daniel,
Yes I agree with your advice! Yes the large number of people and noise is always a problem but also moving between different social groups I always end up looing 'odd' in some way and while I can communicate on a one to one level I get very confused when in a group of people. As for relationships this social factor becomes a problem but also I tend to feel like I am being suffocated by my partner which evokes negative reactions on my part. I think it is all just about experiementing more and learning about your self, at the risk of sounding cheesy! Thanks for the sound advice! Where are you going travelling to?
Sara
Yes I agree with your advice! Yes the large number of people and noise is always a problem but also moving between different social groups I always end up looing 'odd' in some way and while I can communicate on a one to one level I get very confused when in a group of people. As for relationships this social factor becomes a problem but also I tend to feel like I am being suffocated by my partner which evokes negative reactions on my part. I think it is all just about experiementing more and learning about your self, at the risk of sounding cheesy! Thanks for the sound advice! Where are you going travelling to?
Sara
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robyn
I like the dark, I can see better than most people and as long as there's even a tiny bit of light I don't need anymore. Daylight hurts my eyes though. I think I'm meant to live in a cave or something.
Seasonal affective disorder is a well-recorded phenomon where people get depressed in the winter due to a lack of sunlight. I'm not saying anyone here has anything that serious but the same solutions can work. You can get special lightbulbs that are more similar to sunlight than normal ones which are supposed to help a good deal.
I'll keep to winter and the dark though :P
Seasonal affective disorder is a well-recorded phenomon where people get depressed in the winter due to a lack of sunlight. I'm not saying anyone here has anything that serious but the same solutions can work. You can get special lightbulbs that are more similar to sunlight than normal ones which are supposed to help a good deal.
I'll keep to winter and the dark though :P
NNOO!!' don't send me back t' dark place' ( old Vic and Bob reference) It's interestinghow much we have in common and yet how different we all are. i need the sun and wind on my face - one of the reasons why I'm being a student instead of an optician is because ,as an optician, you spend your liffe shut in a small dark room. in the winter it's bloody awful!! like torture for me 1/2 hour of sun at lunch time and dark dark ever after nnnooo!!!
ahem do excuse me - slight over reaction perhaps.
I know I got 'Autumnitis' and had made a rule ' never make life changing decisions in the autumn' and then I heard of SAD and though ooohh look that's me that is. my worst month is October - I think it's the change in quality of light. Then I get used to it and I'm just plain grumpy til christmas whihc saves my bacon and then it's watching for signs of spring evryday til it comes.
I do enjoy curling up in front of the fire to escape the outside but what I need is sun and wind ( and maybe a bit of rain)
xxx
ahem do excuse me - slight over reaction perhaps.
I know I got 'Autumnitis' and had made a rule ' never make life changing decisions in the autumn' and then I heard of SAD and though ooohh look that's me that is. my worst month is October - I think it's the change in quality of light. Then I get used to it and I'm just plain grumpy til christmas whihc saves my bacon and then it's watching for signs of spring evryday til it comes.
I do enjoy curling up in front of the fire to escape the outside but what I need is sun and wind ( and maybe a bit of rain)
xxx
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robyn
i like the wind and the rain, infact other than sun I like the outdoors in general. I do get far groggier in winter, but I sill prefer it to hot weather and sun light!!!! Although I hate in door artificial lights also. I like how you said we're all different. dyspraxia may have similarities, maybe lots in some cases, but it def doesnt outline who we are or what we cant do.
Well put!
But would you agree that most people with dyspraxia are generally more creative than the 'average' individual or even are driven by a need to create?
And Ruth I share your sentiments exactly- have you tried those spevcial light bulbs for SAD? I think that I am going to give them a go this year.
But would you agree that most people with dyspraxia are generally more creative than the 'average' individual or even are driven by a need to create?
And Ruth I share your sentiments exactly- have you tried those spevcial light bulbs for SAD? I think that I am going to give them a go this year.
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robyn
i generally think that too. i def think my creative side comes from dyspraxia, as well as many other positives along with the negatives, or atleast I try hard to think that! But I dislkie the idea that as nds we are the same, I know that there is so much more that makes up who I am and the experience I have, but also just in itself dyspraxia varries dramatically, never mind when you add in all the other nd conditions.