Screwing up the best thing you had

[Habit]

Hey guys,
I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia in my early teens (i'm now 22) but never really properly understood how it effected me. I always knew i had a tendency to be clumsy, a lack of organization and problems with number sequences but was never aware that it could effect my emotions and behavior.

I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years in July and i was left feeling really down about myself. She told me that my erratic behaviour (up, down, up, down) was too much to handel and that it was really effecting her. I was also told that at times my behaviour could be extremely intimmidating and although i never lashed out physcially, on a bad day i could be verbally abusive. The final nail in the coffin came when she told me that she felt like she had been mothering me for the past 3 years and that sometimes she felt that I wasn't there to support her. Although she still wanted to be with me, at the time after hearing those comments i lost it and decided to end it.

6 months down the line (and after a point in the right direction from the only other dyspraxic i've ever met) and i'm starting to realise that alot of the negative aspects of my behaviour are directly linked to my dyspraxia and i'm feeling a fool because maybe if i had recognized this earlier i could have dealt with it properly and none of this would have happened. I've already started taking steps to help myself (started regular exercise again, trying different relaxation techniques, trying to kick an alcohol and drugs problem i've struggled with since my teens) and am already starting to feel better for it.

I was wondering if anyone has ever had a similar problem in their relationship and how they worked around it? Does it help if your partner is well aware of these symptoms being linked to Dyspraxia (neither her or I was aware at the time)? I'm frightened that the next relationship i get in i could fall into similar patterns when stressed or anxious and end up hurting someone else that means the world to me.

Usually i can be the most caring, sensitive boyfriend in the world, but once something knocks me (be it in the relationship or life in general) a real horrible side starts to emerge and i morph into someone i'm not.

[Catwoman42]

I am exactly the same. I start to push the person away and get angry with them and treta them badly. I am seeing someone at present, but I think it is only working because he works away. I love the idea of a relationship, but when I have one I can't wait to be single again. i always blow it.

[agsiul]

You know I'm the same. I like the idea of being with someone but then whenever I'm it's just so exhausting. I need to hide out to have a break.when you can do whatever you want when you're on your own. There are times when it would be nice to be withe somone like at a wedding or whenever you have to deal with drama but then on the other hand often times the other person is the cause of the drama in the first place. I think i'd need lessons at this stage on how to behave!

[Habit]

I start to push the person away and get angry with them and treta them badly.

Ditto. I start to say things that i don't even believe myself but at that moment in time i have to get it out and hurt them somehow. I always feel like a complete bastard afterwards

You know I'm the same. I like the idea of being with someone but then whenever I'm it's just so exhausting. I need to hide out to have a break.when you can do whatever you want when you're on your own.

I always feel exhausted after spending time with people. I get to a certain point where i just can't continue and it's almost like i completely shut down until i'm away from that situation. It used to drive her nuts when we went out with her family or friends because at some point in the evening i wouldn't be able to continue keeping up that brave face and have to get out of there. It led to some rather rude departures on my behalf.

I also find the same things with mates. I get to a point where i have to ask them to leave my house (or i suddenly leave theirs) because i just can't be bothered anymore.

[Grackle]

You know I'm the same. I like the idea of being with someone but then whenever I'm it's just so exhausting. I need to hide out to have a break.when you can do whatever you want when you're on your own.

I always feel exhausted after spending time with people. I get to a certain point where i just can't continue and it's almost like i completely shut down until i'm away from that situation. It used to drive her nuts when we went out with her family or friends because at some point in the evening i wouldn't be able to continue keeping up that brave face and have to get out of there. It led to some rather rude departures on my behalf.

This is awful, but one of the reasons that I can't quit smoking is because it gives me an excuse to get away from people. I don't know what it's like there but here smoking is banned in most public places and nobody lets you smoke in their house. It works great for me because it gives me an excuse to escape.

There are three things in particular that have helped in my relationship.
1. At home, we have negotiated morning quiet time. I really don't do well in the morning and my partner wakes up cheerful and chatty which is a recipe for disaster. She tries to wait to start conversations until I'm ready.
2. I can tell her (or she can tell by my expression) when I'm overwhelmed by noise and the chaos of too many things happening at once and she doesn't give me a hard time or make a big deal of it when I escape.
3. When we're arguing (usually my fault) she makes me sit beside her and hold her hand while we talk (we saw this on Oprah and it feels silly but seems pretty effective). It makes it a lot harder to say unforgivable things when you're that physically close to someone. Sometimes if I can't cope with talking "nicely". I will go somewhere alone until I cool off.

I still have a lot of trouble with other social situations though and I tend to avoid them.

[sarahlouise22]

Hey,

I know the feeling all to well...i seem to blow it before it has chance to possibly develop into something more.... very insecure i am, paranoia can be a problem... for instance when i was with someone in a relationship i constantly text them and always worried that he was going off me... and everytime i didnt hear back i always wanted to know why. In general i came across in a totally negative way and in general push guys away. I know people tell you to just be yourself, and i do... but i always get the feeling that thats not enough. can anyone relate? or help? because i am worried that if i do find someone i really like that im going to ruin any chances of it becoming something more.

[agsiul]

I know what you mean. I do a runner myself when i'd see that someone was interested because I'd be expecting it to turn sour before it had even started! How much of a coward am I

[sarahlouise22]

I know what you mean. I do a runner myself when i'd see that someone was interested because I'd be expecting it to turn sour before it had even started! How much of a coward am I

I wouldnt say you were a coward at all... like ive mentioned before i push people i like away by being how i was being. What i think is if you to meet someone you like and you start dating them... is go with the flow, take each moment and day as it comes, best way i think... enjoy the time your with someone and dont over analyse things like do they like me, do they fancy me,do they want more etc....(that does make me abit of a hypocrite because i over analyse things all the time lol) but i will have to practise i preach. and also you need to have more confidence in yourself.... if they wernt interested... they wouldnt make it known. I think i have been told this so many times.... but you got to love yourself before anyone else will.

[agsiul]

Too true

[Habit]

but you got to love yourself before anyone else will.

Amen! It's taken me a while to understand the concept but i think i'm finally starting to grasp it

[mummytoowen]

I'm exactly the same. I always mess up relationships. Coz I'm insecure and paranoid and think they can do better etc

[mummytoowen]

Hey,

I know the feeling all to well...i seem to blow it before it has chance to possibly develop into something more.... very insecure i am, paranoia can be a problem... for instance when i was with someone in a relationship i constantly text them and always worried that he was going off me... and everytime i didnt hear back i always wanted to know why. In general i came across in a totally negative way and in general push guys away. I know people tell you to just be yourself, and i do... but i always get the feeling that thats not enough. can anyone relate? or help? because i am worried that if i do find someone i really like that im going to ruin any chances of it becoming something more.

Hey, i can relate totally to that, i do that when i'm in a relationship. your not alone, ive always felt i'm not worth anything or good enough, and that they will find somebody better. no matter how much reassurance someone gave me it was never enough, i think i just pushed them over the edge and they just had enough of me.

if you fancy a chat then send me a message

[jad101]

I'm exactly the same. I always mess up relationships. Coz I'm insecure and paranoid and think they can do better etc

THIS is me. i'd only been dating this girl for 6 months and met up a few times (maybe 8 or 9) and i fully could not stop thinking about her and was paranoid. when she said she was seeing someone else my paranoia went crazy lol i told her i worked that out a few weeks ago and that i was obviously expecting the worst. she deleted me off facebook and she probably thought i was stalking her because of that comment lol. luckily i started dating other people before i was officially finished with her.

[FAndrews]

i suffer from similar problems, as I'm usually ignored by women and yet to really meet someone interested in me, the only time a girl has asked me out was at school and was a prank

' its better to have loved and lost then not at all' so folks at least you tried anyway, you had a go and saw what happened, so you can be proud of that in the end.

[Stopfordian-Matt]

I can relate to this. difference is this story is my own fault (and im not expecting sympathy lol) but i had the best girlfriend on the planet (who im still madly in love with) she was the girl i lost my virginity to which without sounding too shallow made her extra special. but at the time we were together my mother passed away and i got depressed and started drinking and she used to get annoyed because i wouldnt open up to her about it (i really wanted to i just didnt know how) and gradually my drinking got worse and i started seeing less and less of her. all i wanted to do was sit and drink alone, she started feeling neglected because i wasnt there for her as much because all i wanted to do was drown my sorrows. the irony of the story is it was ME that ended the relationship because i didnt want to bring her down and i thought she deserved better than someone who just drinks all the time. i now realise i was incredibly selfish choosing drink over my girlfriend and ill regret it for the rest of my life