Why is it some people just don't understand???

[minniemoo]

It's snowing again here and like most people where I am, I am compelled to travel by bike to work, something that I loathe and despise doing. I am no good at it, have no spatial awareness and have several near accidents every time I go. It stresses me out and I hate it - even in good weather. The alternative is a mixture of relying on public transport and walking and generally takes three times as long and would result in me being late (I can't be late as I am teacher). Tomorrow I have to be in early. I having been trying to explain to my partner (for the millionth time) that I quite simply don't know how I can get there tomorrow. I find it very hard to walk and keep my balance even without snow, but with makes it all the worse...having to get public transport or use routes that I don't is also really stressful...I have tried a million times to explain just how much I hate cycling because it is sooooo stressful and how my brain works and how I am not like other people. He just can't accept it and just pushes and pushes, saying I am putting up barriers and making my life difficult. Why doesn't he realize that it if it was just that easy to change, I would? He says he just wants to 'encourage' me...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
why is it that some people get dyspraxia and others, no matter how often and how well you explain, just don't

[joy]

The people who dont get it are usually the ones that it comes easy for them so they cant see what the problem is They dont seem to realise that it can be a struggle for you so they just think you are making excuses which makes you even more frustrated,which I can tell just by your post.

[minniemoo]

Thanks Joy. I think that is exactly what it is! I am so frustrated with not being understood and I end up feeling like the impatient, non-understanding one! Good know I am not the only one out there

[joy]

Just don't be put under pressure if you feel its too much for you to do, and usually you do end up having a mishap
If you are feeling stressed by it all

[maria]

I share your frustration, minnimoo, my dyspraxia is very, very mild compared to most people's problems, but I still have problems making ppl understand! In this kind of weather, I'd prefer to say to hell with the expense and get a taxi.

[rosie]

I get really anxious in snow/ice too I end up walking like a penguin or at snail speed I always think I'm going to fall I'm like that on a lot of uneven sufaces so you're not on your own.

[janetp]

I think you are amazing just to be cycling to work, I am afraid I dont ride a bike or even consider riding a bike in car traffic or other cyclists, I would not survive. I just could not do it. I cannot be aware of the traffic and ride the bike at the same time( and snow, you said snow) how do you do it. Iam fine if its on a quite road and one or two other riders all going in the same direction and the wheather is fair.

Brave girl, I hope you get a resolution to your delemma some sympathy and understanding wow.stay safe.

[Captain_Ludd]

I agree with Joy, I think your other half means well but just doesn't quite understand how difficult situations like this can be, to be fair how can he ? Unless your dyspraxic it would be very hard to understand.
I think the main point here is, is he trying to encourage you to try and improve you which is great, or trying to push you because its easy for him?
Maybe its a combination of both he finds it easy and so tries to push you thinking it'll improve you bottom line is if you really don't feel safe doing something don't do it he'll understand.
In my case I when't over 4 time yesterday just trying to make the 2 mile walk to the local shopping center and back and I'm now bruised all over, so I've now made it clear I aint going out unless I have to end of and the people that know me understand.

I get really anxious in snow/ice too I end up walking like a penguin or at snail speed

I thought it was just me that did the penguin glad to know I'm not alone. Has any one else ever adopted what I can only describes as the side ways crab to get down an incline when its icy? Or is that just me?

[minniemoo]

I do the penguin too!

Thanks everyone for your support. It is great that you understand so well how difficult these supposedly 'easy' things are. Being pushed into stuff really doesn't help us at all. In the end I did it my way and walked but not until we had had several more arguments about how I was making problems for myself and just being difficult. He is a decent bloke, but it isn't true love and to be frank he will never understand me! But such is life, a decent bloke is hard enough to find!

Captain Ludd - you so lucky to have people that understand you.

And Janetp - I really can't cope with cycling either. It is not safe for me to do it and I know it, but I have no choice and it makes most days extremely stressful. How I have lived this long is nothing short of a miracle. I put it down to luck and some very nice car drivers. I know though that every time I go out the chance of an accident increases and it scares me stupid!

Thanks again one and all. So nice to have support out there.
xx

[rosie]

I'm really lucky in that my boyfriend is really understanding I think he deffo has dyspraxic traits himself maybe not enough to get diagnosed so he often does things the same way as me and often is clumsier than me.

[minniemoo]

I used to have one like that - and I stupidly let him go!
Hold on to yours Rosie - they are few and far between!

[Valkyrie]

I feel for you. My lack of coordination isn't too bad but my cognitive abilities and info processing are awful. Like you, I try to explain again and again I'm not thick, I just need time to process stuff and still get treated like an idiot. I've prepared the saying, 'Don't treat me with contempt because you're incapable of understanding me. That's your failing, not mine.' I haven't used it yet, but I'm looking forward to it!

I'm sure your partner's just trying to be supportive, but his blindness is causing you stress and possibly even more lack of confidence. I wouldn't tolerate it, but it's hard when you love them. You could always just ignore them when they get like that! Let it run off you.

You're very brave for struggling on. People with disabilities are strong, courageous and creative.

Be proud of yourself.

Alexxx

[minniemoo]

Thanks Alex. It is so good to speak to people who understand and have the same hassle's with others. I wouldn't have put up with it either a few years ago - but now I have a baby (a wonderful accidental present) and she adores her dad and vice versa...so not so easy to walk away as it once was...

[Valkyrie]

Men tend to respect professionals, so I would, if possible, arrange a meeting with the Dyspraxia Foundation or a psychologist, who treats and diagnoses dyspraxia, with your partner and discuss your problems. (Is this forum American or British??!) The psychologist will explain to your partner what you suffer and that you need support. This'll put him in his place and hopefully make him support you!

XXX

[Shadwell]

the forum is british hence org.uk in the name Valkyrie, but we don't say no to anyone around the world if they want to join us.