Do you have/want children?

[Adrastos]

Ild love children but i cant even get it up, as soon as a female even touches me i burst out into laughter so sensetive and i connect with so few most females i meet only wish a good time and dont wish develop any kind lasting relationship and the ones that do dont see me as suitable partners


I also have frontal lobe damage which dosent help

[wiliamson]

I decided as a child that I didnt want children when I grew up. I had one elder sibling who only stopped talking complete and utter rubbish when she was stuffing her mouth with food or sleeping. One day I was in the house alone and I realised I felt strange. Then I realised it was happiness. I realised there is no peace in a house with children in it. And I also feared if I had a child, it would be like my sister. Dyspraxia reinforces my dislike of children. I cant stand high pitched noises, especially unexpected ones. Babies and small infants scream a lot. After my sister I don't like people who talk a lot, forcing you to go through a long mental palaver trying to figure out what they mean, only to discover they were saying, effectively, nothing. Children babble. But two baby sitting experiences (about the only two) made me realise I was not competent to look after children. On one occasion I was walking to the shops along a busy road with the two year old and five year old holding my hand. Suddenly, the two year old snatched his hand out of mine - he was on the side nearest the traffice and bolted towards the road. I just stood watching him, going through the long slow process of working out he was no longer holding my hand, and he was running towards fast moving traffice. Then my brain registered - you had better do something about it. Fortunately he slammed on the brakes at the pavement. I realised then I dont have the reactions needed to respond to childrens crazy behaviour, to keep them safe. The other experience was milder. Simply the two year old after being put to bed, got up again. Well, kids do that. But I realised you could never feel safe with children in the house. You might think they are safe in bed, but they could be in the bathroom trying to get at the bleach. You cant take your eye off them for a moment, and in my case it wouldnt make any difference if watching them constantly was possible. I couldnt react fast enough if they did something dangerous. I go out of my away to avoid proximity to children at all times.

[Tim G]

I compleatly agree with you Wiliamson I too just can't stand children for the reasons you mentioned it will just make me worse and probably just bring back my sevier axianty and panic.

I wont be having any children in my current relationship, if there was the possablitie of being with somone in the future not wanting children will have to be part of the relationship as having children is somthing that really scares me. I know for a fact it will cause me major prblems, also at the end of the day bringing another life into this world is not a deshion to be made lightly and you have to be 100% comitited to it and give it the best. I know for a fact that allthough I may be commited if it happens I wont give it what it needs - I don't want and need this responasblitie.

I know that people say well when its yours its diffrent, you will deal with it, it changes you for the better, you may be surprised at what you can do etc.
I understand that thats there view point but I know myself well enough to make a deshion.

[Jim]

I got into a children conversation at work today and inevitably I got asked the question "do you want children someday?"

I had to reply "Well, as it stands now, no"

"whys that then?"

"Well, it's not that I dislike children, but I'm not particulary fond of them and I do have trouble coping with all the noise and associated mayhem which goes with it. Because of this I don't think I'd be a great parent because I'd lack the patience to support them properly".

"but, do you have a girlfriend? What if she wanted to have a family?"

"No, look I'm not saying it couldn't happen, I'm saying I'd rather not have children because I find in general being around kids really tiring and stressful and I don't think I want that in my life 24/7. Maybe one day I'll meet the ideal woman and she'll change my mind. But now? No."

For me I don't think it's a capability issue. I'm sure that physically and practically I could look after children, I certainly keep a keen eye on my sister's kids safety when they visit and that's only for a few hours a week. But I fear that I'm too selfish to be a good father. I'd struggle with singing nursey rhymes, reading bed time stories and there's always the danger that I'd end up being to strict with them. I don't want to be that... But I fear my aversion to noise and mayhem would push me into being petty and things like that.

And the last thing I'd want is to be a poor father.

[AlleyCat]

I know that people say well when its yours its diffrent, you will deal with it, it changes you for the better, you may be surprised at what you can do etc.

Those kinds of comments are so annoying and patronising! I don't know if I'll have children or not, but I found it so frustrating when I worked in schools/nurseries and other women seemed to regard me as 'not fitting in' to their social group because I don't have any. A teacher at a special school where I worked even patronisingly said to me that 'you only really understand children when you have them yourself.' I think she said it to make herself feel superior but, on reflection, I've realised what an inappropriate thing it was to say! When I remember what that teacher said, I can't help thinking about my dad's cousin, who had a successful 30+ year teaching career despite not having children of her own.

[melissad1113]

I have a daughter who will be 4 in December. She is very clumsy like me and has had a few broken bones and busted out her front tooth already I was always afraid people would think I beat her! She was late on all her motor skills but actually a very early talker. I think she is just like me.

[Philip]

I don't have a girlfriend.

It will be a tricky if she wanted to start a family. I have another condition called NF1, my mum also has NF1 (we don't know why my mum has it, as there is nobody else in the family who has it as far as we know (or who had it)

Even though there is a 50% chance the child could have it, the child could have it worst than me or the same level or slightly better than me it should not stop me if I do find myself a girlfriend and she wants kids (just the marks what I got might be a little bit off putting)

[Jim]

What's NF1?

[Philip]

What's NF1?

Doctor spotted something he did not like in my eye when I was younger.

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Neurofibro ... ction.aspx

[kira]

hi. i have an 8 month old baby he was not planned and i am a single parent and had to deal with the pregnancy on my own aswell. i found it made my dyspraxia alot worse it was managed quite well but i had alot of problems with my pregnancy so all my coping methods broke down and now he's here i have no real structure and i am still unable to put my coping methords back in place. i feel this is due to being on my own with no help at all. i have alot more problems with memory and i struggle getting motervated to do anything and i really struggle speaking in a mannor that people can understand very oftern saying words in wrong order or thinking one thing and saying something compleatly different.

Tylor is very healthy and looked after he is enough motervation in himself to do that. and it's not like my house is a compleate mess the living room and kitchen stay imaculate they are the important bits. and i would say it is more than worth it. me with no support has a happy healthy child and he seems to be ahead in every thing except speech which he is on target for so i hope and pray he doesn't have dyspraxia like me and his uncle or autism like his farther.

[karrier-bag]

17 year old son, 12 year old daughter, both healthy & no signs of dyspraxia or dyslexia.

[lauraECFan]

I would love children as I have always been great with kids (all my neices and nephews love me to bits and vice versa) but I am going to get myself settled into a job before thinking of starting a family and I know that my family and my fiances family (especilly his sister who I am best friends with and is a mother) will all support me if I have any problems with them. The only thing I am worried about is that my dyspraxia will make me a bad mother as I want everything for any future children and also if I pass it onto them I will feel bad. I have even got a name if I have a daughter and that name is Ayla