Hi everyone
Just thought I'd come online and get some advice. I found out I had dyspraxia 9 years a go whilst in my second year of uni. Unfortunately my friends never really understood my problems and had already accepted me for me (which is great) and tried to convince me that it was a load of nonsense. Obviously i knew the truth but deep down I ignored the problems and kept going on the way I always have. Afterall I managed to get this far in life without knowing. Recently though I find myself noticing my problems more and more as I have gotten older. I'm reaching 30 soon and feel (in comparison to my friends) like such a dumbass. My girlfriend is living temporarily away and everytime we meet up she is starting to point out the my obvious problems as she is not used to living with my quirks anymore. Mostly my problems are hand eye co-ordination, thought processing and over sensitivity to someone touching me. A major problem for me is the ability to absorb information, this i have always struggled with (hence while i feel like an idiot most of the time) but since living on my own again I have noticed how badly organised I can be. I am also discovering more my over pronunciation of words and/or the wrong thing being said. Usually we both take it in good humour and I learned a long time a go to laugh at myself cos childhood was difficult enough and being bullied was never easy even by friends.
I have done more research over the last few days and have discovered my difficulties are much deeper than the traditional motor skills that the test diagnosed me with.
I am mainly just looking for people to chat to who are similar to me and can relate. I work for the special needs department in a grammar school and everyone else gets me in work but all my long standing friends still treat me like the village idiot and I can't blame them with some of the things i say and do.
Hi
Moderator: Moderator Team
Re: Hi
Hi Gaz,
Welcome to the forum. Like you I was bullied at school. I was always behind in class. Never got homework in on time. So never went to uni.
But I am 36 and I have been through Hell. When I was at school My mum had me assessed after many years of pushing the education department. And they told her i had Clumsy Child Syndrome.
I have lost many friends because of this happening. Kids avoided me or called me thick and stupid. As a Adult I don't have many friends. Well none that understand what i go through.
You are not the village Idiot you have a problem that can't be fixed with Pills. As My Mum used to say.
Good on you being a special needs teacher at a grammer school. That is something to look up to. I am unemployed and everytime I get a job i don't keep it long as I lose the job.
Welcome to the forum. Like you I was bullied at school. I was always behind in class. Never got homework in on time. So never went to uni.
But I am 36 and I have been through Hell. When I was at school My mum had me assessed after many years of pushing the education department. And they told her i had Clumsy Child Syndrome.
I have lost many friends because of this happening. Kids avoided me or called me thick and stupid. As a Adult I don't have many friends. Well none that understand what i go through.
You are not the village Idiot you have a problem that can't be fixed with Pills. As My Mum used to say.
Good on you being a special needs teacher at a grammer school. That is something to look up to. I am unemployed and everytime I get a job i don't keep it long as I lose the job.
Re: Hi
Hi Gaz. Sandy is right- you are not 'the village idiot.' Both yours and Sandy's experiences ring so many bells for me. I've lost count of the number of times people have mocked me or avoided establishing friendships with me because of things which are directly related to having dyspraxia. Gaz- you make an excellent point about dyspraxia being about so much more than just having problems with motor skills, but unfortunately a lot of people are ignorant of this. Not fully taking in what someone's said before making a response to it is a classic sign of having dyspraxia, and is due to problems with audio processing and working memory. It is very important for you to accept that this is due to a condition you have little control over and that you are not stupid! Above all, people who have dyspraxia need acceptance and tolerance from others but, from having read about people's experiences on this forum, it seems that it's all too rare that we get it.
Where friends are concerned, it's very important that the way they treat you does not erode your confidence and self esteem. Of course friends are important, but I've sometimes found myself coming to the realisation that the way in which a particular friend has treated me means that it is not worth continuing the friendship. Remember that it's ok for someone to laugh with you (for example, laughing briefly about something you might have done), but not at you. If they are mocking you, calling you names or subjecting you to ridicule, then that is not ok and it could be hugely damaging to your self worth.
Where friends are concerned, it's very important that the way they treat you does not erode your confidence and self esteem. Of course friends are important, but I've sometimes found myself coming to the realisation that the way in which a particular friend has treated me means that it is not worth continuing the friendship. Remember that it's ok for someone to laugh with you (for example, laughing briefly about something you might have done), but not at you. If they are mocking you, calling you names or subjecting you to ridicule, then that is not ok and it could be hugely damaging to your self worth.
Re: Hi
Hi Sandy and Alleycat
Thanks for the replys. I was wondering what sort of daily issues do you guys face? It's quite funny after I sent my first post of as I went to go food shopping (travelling by foot) and I looked at google to see the quickest route there. Usually I only go to this place by train or car but being a lovely day and saving cash I thought I'd walk. I managed to make it but as I got half way there I just kept feeling like I was lost as I didn't recognise the area. Walking back had the same effect until I got to familiar surroundings. Does that happen to any of you guys???
Also if you guys have any tips on how not to interrupt people in order to join a conversation that would be great. My partner is quite good at giving me a nudge but it gets very tiring.
Thanks for the replys. I was wondering what sort of daily issues do you guys face? It's quite funny after I sent my first post of as I went to go food shopping (travelling by foot) and I looked at google to see the quickest route there. Usually I only go to this place by train or car but being a lovely day and saving cash I thought I'd walk. I managed to make it but as I got half way there I just kept feeling like I was lost as I didn't recognise the area. Walking back had the same effect until I got to familiar surroundings. Does that happen to any of you guys???
Also if you guys have any tips on how not to interrupt people in order to join a conversation that would be great. My partner is quite good at giving me a nudge but it gets very tiring.
Re: Hi
Yes, I've definitely experienced feelings of doubt about my surroundings, even when I've been somewhere before. It's especially likely to happen when it's somewhere I haven't been for a while. I find myself starting to question whether I've seen that building before etc and ironically, it sometimes becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that I end up lost because I allowed the doubt to set in! Having the tendency to doubt things (especially those we aren't very familiar with) is probably something which people with dyspraxia have often conditioned themselves to doing due to not being trusted to get things right when they were younger.
I can also relate to the issue of finding it difficult to join a conversation without appearing to interrupt. When I was school age, I can remember many occasions in group conversations when I didn't get to say what I wanted to at all because no one gave me the opportunity to get in. By secondary school age I had very much developed a non-dominant personality due to being bullied, so I think this caused me to be ignored. To make it more likely that other people will notice that you want to say something, therefore giving you the opportunity to join in without appearing to interrupt, the only thing I can suggest is using body language to encourage them to take notice. You could do things like attempting to catch someone's eye and making a point of smiling at them. Sometimes people with dyspraxia might find it hard to join a conversation without interrupting because they have issues with judging the timing of it all- unfortunately, there's probably not a great deal you can do about this apart from trying to look for natural breaks in the conversation. However, having identified a natural break, someone with dyspraxia could then have the issue of not having thought of what he/she wants to say quickly enough, by which time the conversation has moved on! Having said all this, conversation is of course a two-way street and it might not always be the person with dyspraxia who is at fault. One of the people who used to complain the most about me interrupting was a teacher in a secondary school where I worked as a teaching assistant who used to talk very quickly, making it difficult to get a word in. If I needed to say something, sometimes the only way to get it said was by interrupting, which of course annoyed her, but she was someone who even the pupils used to complain about due to her endless talking in lessons.
I can also relate to the issue of finding it difficult to join a conversation without appearing to interrupt. When I was school age, I can remember many occasions in group conversations when I didn't get to say what I wanted to at all because no one gave me the opportunity to get in. By secondary school age I had very much developed a non-dominant personality due to being bullied, so I think this caused me to be ignored. To make it more likely that other people will notice that you want to say something, therefore giving you the opportunity to join in without appearing to interrupt, the only thing I can suggest is using body language to encourage them to take notice. You could do things like attempting to catch someone's eye and making a point of smiling at them. Sometimes people with dyspraxia might find it hard to join a conversation without interrupting because they have issues with judging the timing of it all- unfortunately, there's probably not a great deal you can do about this apart from trying to look for natural breaks in the conversation. However, having identified a natural break, someone with dyspraxia could then have the issue of not having thought of what he/she wants to say quickly enough, by which time the conversation has moved on! Having said all this, conversation is of course a two-way street and it might not always be the person with dyspraxia who is at fault. One of the people who used to complain the most about me interrupting was a teacher in a secondary school where I worked as a teaching assistant who used to talk very quickly, making it difficult to get a word in. If I needed to say something, sometimes the only way to get it said was by interrupting, which of course annoyed her, but she was someone who even the pupils used to complain about due to her endless talking in lessons.
Re: Hi
Hi Gaz,
Most of what I was going to say has been said! I have only recently found out I'm dyspraxic and can relate to all you have said. I've worked in an office but now I work with small children in a day care. I run the 0-3 yr room and have 3-4 staff to look after as well. I've done lots of work with children with special needs and wherever I've worked people tell me they don't know how I do it day in day out. People who work in this field are very special, so you are not dumb, you are in fact very talented!
As we live out of town we drive everywhere but I still get muddled with where I am in my trip to and from work and sometimes in the dark think I've missed my turning, although I've got 4-5 kms to go! I'm hopeless in shopping centres as well.
As for socially, I tend not to go out, it's too stressful. I always feel like an idiot and can't keep up with whats happening - sensory overload I think.
I'm clumsy all the time and messy too. I also get my words muddled up all the time,names confused etc. My workmates laugh when I walk into things that have been there for ages but they laugh with me not at me. I tell them I give them something to smile about every day.
When I get fed up with this dyspraxic thing I remember something I read somewhere - If I wasn't dyspraxic I wouldn't be me!
Kim
Most of what I was going to say has been said! I have only recently found out I'm dyspraxic and can relate to all you have said. I've worked in an office but now I work with small children in a day care. I run the 0-3 yr room and have 3-4 staff to look after as well. I've done lots of work with children with special needs and wherever I've worked people tell me they don't know how I do it day in day out. People who work in this field are very special, so you are not dumb, you are in fact very talented!
As we live out of town we drive everywhere but I still get muddled with where I am in my trip to and from work and sometimes in the dark think I've missed my turning, although I've got 4-5 kms to go! I'm hopeless in shopping centres as well.
As for socially, I tend not to go out, it's too stressful. I always feel like an idiot and can't keep up with whats happening - sensory overload I think.
I'm clumsy all the time and messy too. I also get my words muddled up all the time,names confused etc. My workmates laugh when I walk into things that have been there for ages but they laugh with me not at me. I tell them I give them something to smile about every day.
When I get fed up with this dyspraxic thing I remember something I read somewhere - If I wasn't dyspraxic I wouldn't be me!
Kim