Ever since I've researched dyspraxia I have told myself that I need to talk to a doctor about this, that I need them to diagnosis me with something. I need to know what's wrong with me.. I go through phases where i'm ok for a few days than all of the sudden i'm reminded of how there something wrong with me and it destroys my self-esteem for awhile. it's always something stupid too... like how i can't write in a straight line Or cut paper in a straight line, or I can't use the manual can opener, or I can't open a plastic bag at work, or i'm taking too long to pick up change... Noone ever says anything but I see it and it drives me nuts. I find myself getting overwhelmed and giving up when I have too much to do like cleaning because I don't know where to start.. then I get beyond frustrated because I want everything to have a place. then I forget about it...after a day. I don't know if this is related to stress but i've started to notice something weird, maybe I have devolped some sort of clausterphobia.. anyways I need personal space I don't like when people stand too close to me. I work customer service and i've noticed when people are standing in line om the otherside of the counter and they're too close together, like right behind eachother with little space between them. I start to get anxious and want to actually scream, theyre not even violating my personal space....
anyways that was a little off track, i'm posting this because i'm actually terrified of the doctor. I'm so scared that this is going to be a repeat of being 5 years old all over again and being sent to specialists upon specialists to be told they don;t know whats wrong. I tried to talk to my dad about this and he seemed to try to push it away, like he didn't want to admit anything was wrong. It took me alot to actually tell my dad this was still bothering me after so many years... after elementry school I tried my hardest to wish my problem away... so I didn't talk to anyone. I guess after that reaction i'm feeling a little embarrassed and its put that idea back in my head that what if theres nothing wrong, and im just lazy and depressed or something... I don't even know how to go abouts telling my doctor about dyspraxia and why I think I have it.
Any tips?? I'm not in the UK so information about dyspraxia seems to be really slim and not understood.
I'm just really tired of this being the reason I don't succeed in life... and that I feel like I "Couldn't do it."
Sorry my posts are long, i guess i'm taking advangtage of venting on people that I feel finally understand me,...
