help!

[ellabella]

hi,i,m a new member and would love to have the benefit of your knowledge,experience and help.I'm a parent of a wonderful daughter(1 of 3)who really needs some help,we had an undocumented diagnosis of dyspraxia 16 years ago(she's 19 now)and during this time we've had various problems (social,educational,physical)most of which we've managed to muddle through but this time i really am at my wits end,she's just left college (advised that she couldn't hope to keep up with the work)and now finds herself in the position of having to find work or alternative,she's done work placements but they seem to treat her like she's stupid,she hasn't a clue about interview process,she takes me to docs appointments etc. as she cant get relevant info across,have tried speaking to docs etc,they seem to think i'm an overbearing mother,told by hospital consultant that dyspraxia just means clumsy,tolds by psycotherapist she has resentment to being oldest child,health professionals not interested as because of her age she's not a child she needs to ask for the help herself(refer back to docs appoints)I'm in floods of tears as i write this because she is such a wonderful person with so much to give but no one seems to be giving her a chance,i'm so frustrated all i seem to do is shout at her which is so unfair and affects everyone at home

[AlleyCat]

I'm sorry to hear about the problems your daughter has been having- I have also had various problems in higher education and the workplace, largely due to other people's ignorance of dyspraxia. It is so frustrating when people say it's just to do with being clumsy, when it affects so much more than that. In my case it affected the fluency of my speech (which then became worse because of bullying), so I can understand your daughter not wanting to ask for things herself. When I went away to University, I had to deal with health professionals etc myself, but I can recall at least one nurse speaking to me in a patronising way, probably because she was making assumptions about me based on the way I came across. I think it's terrible that your daughter has been pushed off her college course because of things taking her longer (a common symptom of dyspraxia), but unfortunately the ignorance the so-called tutors have shown towards her doesn't surprise me. She should not have been pushed off the course and should have received reasonable adjustments (such as more time to complete assignments) under the Disability Discrimination Act. Unfortunately, the only way to be covered by this legislation is to have been formally diagnosed- I was only permitted to return to complete my PGCE with allowances for dyspraxia because I'd been through a formal assessment. Although it's quite expensive (probably a few hundred pounds these days), I think it's worth your daughter getting a formal diagnosis- you can find a psychologist who could do this by going to the British Psychological Society's website:

http://www.bps.org.uk/bpslegacy/dcp

As your daughter is still young, her best bet is probably to try to pursue some form of further education (perhaps by getting a qualification relevant to the area of work she wishes to go into). If she gets a place, she should ensure that tutors are aware of her dyspraxia and insist they take it into account (using the Disability Discrimination Act). If she has been formally assessed, she could also use the Disability Discrimination Act to get adjustments in the workplace. If there are still problems on a course or in the workplace, she/you could contact Key4Learning for help, as they are very good at working with employers or educational establishments to ensure the student's/employee's needs are met:

http://www.key4learning.com

[joy]

Hi ellabella
You say your daughter has had an undocumented diagnosis of Dyspraxia when she was three who told you this ,and wasnt this followed up by whoever told you.Usually the GP will refer you or should have refered you to a child development centre for a proper diagnosis. Its no wonder there are so many adults that have never been diagnosed with Dyspraxia who have struggled all their lives with their problems. It used to be that you would not be able to test children until they are eight years of age or thereabouts because some primitive reflexes dont become postural reflexes until around that age and they can involve balance and coordination so they usually wait till then.I ended up taking my son for private diagnosis in the end as I was not happy with the way things were done at the hostpital.After being diagnosed and going there for several weeks for assement and physio because his right foot turned in he was supposed to go back prior to starting his senior school when he would have been 11 He is now twenty five hes still waiting for that appointment with the hospital,

[capbiker]

i'm an overbearing mother

ellabella

Over the years, while I was growing up my mum and dad had to fight for everything for me. They got told they were overbearing mother, or father or even parents. They never let up for me, because they knew me better then these so called specialists who only see you once in a blue moon. And then, those good specialists could only do so much because their hands were tied about the help that they could offer etc.

Crying is a good thing, let it out. Your daughter knows that you don't mean it when you lose your tamper at her.

I am in my 30's, and did find it hard to get jobs, to get the right support etc. Luckly for me, I managed to get into the civil service and they have been very supportive. But to do that, it took a number of tries, and afterwards getting promotion is another thing. I managed to do it, and get the interviews sorted out to give me the best chance. If you or your daughter ever want to talk or get advice from me about the applications, support for interviews etc just drop me a line and I will let you know what I did.

cap