I was just wondering if anyone knew any Dyspraxic-friendly places where it is easier to make friends. Joining a club of something you are interested in is often a good and recommended idea, but the trouble is that all the ones I seem to find are at a time when it would be very difficult to make it.
Most of the time I don't mind being solitary but there are times when I wish I had a close friend who I could share my interests with and who was very understanding. I still have some friends from school but we don't keep in touch often enough. I think they may have moved on, I don't want them to stop being friends with them but maybe I should try finding new people too. Any tips?
Finding friends
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rhubarb_crumble
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There are many different ways of making new mates, Rhubarb. Try and marry it in with what your interests are- a club perhaps.... there should be plenty of differnt clubs so why not try lots if one time doesnt suit? There is also the net, which is an excellent way to meet ppl, esp if you arnt a massive fan of face to face encounters like many dyspraxics. Can i ask- are you at uni/ college or working?
Goodbye, and have a pleasant tommorrow!!
I swear to drunk im not God.....
I swear to drunk im not God.....
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Thirteen-thirty-seven
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keiraknightleyfan27
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You could also try to start an interest group if you can't find one you like.Thirteen-thirty-seven wrote:Is there a DANDA group near you?
If not, maybe there's a club you can join. If you like reading, join a reading group.
Another thing is you could talk to the people in your class and see if they have the same interests as you and then maybe start a club. Rory Gilmore (to Lorelai as she leaves for an internship in Chicago): Mom, you've given me everything I need.
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Luke Danes (to Lorelai): I just like to see you happy.---"Gilmore Girls" series finale, 5/15/07
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Luke Danes (to Lorelai): I just like to see you happy.---"Gilmore Girls" series finale, 5/15/07
Going and doing things you enjoy will likely mean you will meet people with similar interets. Also you'll be relaxed and feel comfortable because you're doing something you like and that helps.
It can be tricky I've gone years without finding a new friend and then just like busses several come along at once.
The small talk thing is tricky sometimes. When i meet new people I tend to ask about films or music and see if there is anything i can say to their response.
It can be tricky I've gone years without finding a new friend and then just like busses several come along at once.
The small talk thing is tricky sometimes. When i meet new people I tend to ask about films or music and see if there is anything i can say to their response.
I don't seem to have a social life (outside the internet) at the moment. I used to have quite a few friends at school/college/uni but everyone has moved away, etc.
I do miss going out with mates to pubs, n clubs and stuff.
I don't know about anyone else, but I would say people find it hard to get to know me well, and work out how to take me and I am not one for small talk.
I am just getting back into cycling again though (need to shift some pounds and get my rear end off the computer seat) and hopefully when I am ready to seek employment towards the end of the summer I should meet some friends at work.
For the moment I need to concentrate on finishing my PhD, which isn't eas y to say the least, as writing isn't my thing.
I do miss going out with mates to pubs, n clubs and stuff.
I don't know about anyone else, but I would say people find it hard to get to know me well, and work out how to take me and I am not one for small talk.
I am just getting back into cycling again though (need to shift some pounds and get my rear end off the computer seat) and hopefully when I am ready to seek employment towards the end of the summer I should meet some friends at work.
For the moment I need to concentrate on finishing my PhD, which isn't eas y to say the least, as writing isn't my thing.
Pooky, I wouldn't worry so much about lacking an 'offline' social life when you're in the middle of something such as your PHD. It's probably best to drop your friends an e-mail or text one in a while to show you've not fallen off the face of the planet, and when you do get finished with your work you can go out and booze all you want 
I have found though that once everyone's finished Uni they spread out across the country if not further afield and get involved in their own lives. It can make getting together with people a bit difficult and not as frequent as you'd previous been used to. Although I've lost touch with a lot of people from my Uni course the strong friendships persist even if you don't see a person for 6 months or a year.
My experience has been similar to yours with meeting new people I think, Pooky. The only friends I've made in recent times are people I've got to know online through the forums, which is a different sort of discourse to someone getting to know you during an evening out.
On a related note, from reading posts and chatting to people with dyspraxia I get the impression that quite a number of us like socialising on our own terms. This might mean getting together with others but in limited manageable numbers or for some of the students on the forum not keeping to the same hectic alcohol fueled schedule as everyone else. I personally don't think there's any problem in sticking with your guns and doing things the way you're happy with doing them. It can mean you have to try harder with meeting people, but at least you're living your life on your terms.
I have found though that once everyone's finished Uni they spread out across the country if not further afield and get involved in their own lives. It can make getting together with people a bit difficult and not as frequent as you'd previous been used to. Although I've lost touch with a lot of people from my Uni course the strong friendships persist even if you don't see a person for 6 months or a year.
My experience has been similar to yours with meeting new people I think, Pooky. The only friends I've made in recent times are people I've got to know online through the forums, which is a different sort of discourse to someone getting to know you during an evening out.
On a related note, from reading posts and chatting to people with dyspraxia I get the impression that quite a number of us like socialising on our own terms. This might mean getting together with others but in limited manageable numbers or for some of the students on the forum not keeping to the same hectic alcohol fueled schedule as everyone else. I personally don't think there's any problem in sticking with your guns and doing things the way you're happy with doing them. It can mean you have to try harder with meeting people, but at least you're living your life on your terms.
Hi,
Sorry for not posting for ages. I've had lots going on. I'm really lonely at the minute. I've been actively trying to broaden my circle of friends and get to know more people, but I am finding it very difficult.
I think I know enough guys, but know only a few girls. I just want to talk to people and get to know them.
It's like a can't build bridges, I would really like to just start talking to people and have them interested in my conversation and make friends with them.
I would also like a relationship at some stage, everyone my age I work with is. This bothers me, as when I do go out socially, I seem to be the only one alone. I certainly wouldn't want a relationship for the sake of it, no way, but I would like to meet someone I can talk to and spend time with, my own age.
Sorry for not posting for ages. I've had lots going on. I'm really lonely at the minute. I've been actively trying to broaden my circle of friends and get to know more people, but I am finding it very difficult.
I think I know enough guys, but know only a few girls. I just want to talk to people and get to know them.
It's like a can't build bridges, I would really like to just start talking to people and have them interested in my conversation and make friends with them.
I would also like a relationship at some stage, everyone my age I work with is. This bothers me, as when I do go out socially, I seem to be the only one alone. I certainly wouldn't want a relationship for the sake of it, no way, but I would like to meet someone I can talk to and spend time with, my own age.
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Shark Repellent Batspray
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I seem to be quite lucky in this respect, a friend I made at school introduced me to a group of people he knew outside of school. Over the years they've become really good friends and I often go out with two of them who are very extovert and very into meeting new people. They are also very good at introducing me to the people they meet. This means I now have a fairly wide circle of friends purely because of one friend I made about 6 years ago.
The internet does help a lot as well, if i get introduced to a friend of a friend on a night out it's pretty hard to make a bad impression in the short time I'll speak to them (especially if our mutual friend has talked me up or something). Then I can just add them to myspace or msn or whatever and the next time we meet we know each other a lot better than I would have without the internet and I'm a lot more confident to talk to them for longer.
This is being highlighted for me tonight especially as I'm going ino London to meet up with someone for drinks who I've met in real life about 4 times and who was introduced to me by someone much more outgoing than me. From there I'm going on the birthday drinks of someone I've only met 3 times in real life and again was introduced to me in the same circumstances. Realistically there's no way I should know either of these people as well as I do and I shouldn't feel confident enough to go out and meet them without the friend that introduced us. There's a good chance that going out tonight will result in me adding more people to myspace tomorrow and knowing even more people.
I also found that once I had made the leap of meeting up with people I don't really know it became easier to do it as a each positive experience makes me more open to the next opportunity.
When I think about I would know about 90% less people than I do now if I hadn't been sat next to that person in year 11 English.
The internet does help a lot as well, if i get introduced to a friend of a friend on a night out it's pretty hard to make a bad impression in the short time I'll speak to them (especially if our mutual friend has talked me up or something). Then I can just add them to myspace or msn or whatever and the next time we meet we know each other a lot better than I would have without the internet and I'm a lot more confident to talk to them for longer.
This is being highlighted for me tonight especially as I'm going ino London to meet up with someone for drinks who I've met in real life about 4 times and who was introduced to me by someone much more outgoing than me. From there I'm going on the birthday drinks of someone I've only met 3 times in real life and again was introduced to me in the same circumstances. Realistically there's no way I should know either of these people as well as I do and I shouldn't feel confident enough to go out and meet them without the friend that introduced us. There's a good chance that going out tonight will result in me adding more people to myspace tomorrow and knowing even more people.
I also found that once I had made the leap of meeting up with people I don't really know it became easier to do it as a each positive experience makes me more open to the next opportunity.
When I think about I would know about 90% less people than I do now if I hadn't been sat next to that person in year 11 English.
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Sartresue
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Finding friends
Re Friendship
I am a married woman who is almost 53 years old living in Barrie, Ontario, Canada. I prefer to be alone or with my three not so young children (two still at home.)Yet sometimes I wish I had someone my age (preferably female) to write to here and there who is like me and is living with both dyspraxia and Asperger's Syndrome. I belong to an Aspergian Pride Helpsite but I cannot find anyone similar. My husband and I don't have many similar interests but he is a good man and is very emotionally supportive. I tend to think and write out loud and because I don't converse very well many people tend to ignore me. I suppose I'm the rectangular peg in the oval hole. If anyone has any ideas please do not hesitate to contact me.
Regards, Susan
I am a married woman who is almost 53 years old living in Barrie, Ontario, Canada. I prefer to be alone or with my three not so young children (two still at home.)Yet sometimes I wish I had someone my age (preferably female) to write to here and there who is like me and is living with both dyspraxia and Asperger's Syndrome. I belong to an Aspergian Pride Helpsite but I cannot find anyone similar. My husband and I don't have many similar interests but he is a good man and is very emotionally supportive. I tend to think and write out loud and because I don't converse very well many people tend to ignore me. I suppose I'm the rectangular peg in the oval hole. If anyone has any ideas please do not hesitate to contact me.
Regards, Susan
It seems I am wondering why many of you feel the need to be on this forum. ](./images/smilies/eusa_wall.gif "Brick wall")
Most of you aren't exactly social recluses. For instane Pooky has mates. It is just Pooky is doing a PhD which I didn't know was possible for someone with Dyspraxia. Sartresue has kids and presumably has a hubby to spend time with, though she doesn't state, so isn't so desperate for friends. Shark Repellent Batspray has a circle of friends and has no problems interacting or it seems running that circle of friends. By "runninng" I mean keep the circle going.
Unlike me. All I do is "know" people. So I have never ever had a friend or a group of friends I could go places with and do thing for. That is the difference with me. Because when we finish a course, it usually is on a course I meet folk, we never see each other again because I am terrified of taking things further when it ends. Because I am terrified of asking whether they want to be my friend in case they say no and say **** like "I don't really want you as a mate right now".
I am not good looking, rich, talented, succesfull or even cool. I am not someone people would be proud to have as a mate. I have no esteem or confidence. And as women will tell you no confidence is unattractive.
As I said I am untalented. So the tired old advice of the Salsa Class isn't an option. It is to much for me to master.
What can I do?:*(
Most of you aren't exactly social recluses. For instane Pooky has mates. It is just Pooky is doing a PhD which I didn't know was possible for someone with Dyspraxia. Sartresue has kids and presumably has a hubby to spend time with, though she doesn't state, so isn't so desperate for friends. Shark Repellent Batspray has a circle of friends and has no problems interacting or it seems running that circle of friends. By "runninng" I mean keep the circle going.
Unlike me. All I do is "know" people. So I have never ever had a friend or a group of friends I could go places with and do thing for. That is the difference with me. Because when we finish a course, it usually is on a course I meet folk, we never see each other again because I am terrified of taking things further when it ends. Because I am terrified of asking whether they want to be my friend in case they say no and say **** like "I don't really want you as a mate right now".
I am not good looking, rich, talented, succesfull or even cool. I am not someone people would be proud to have as a mate. I have no esteem or confidence. And as women will tell you no confidence is unattractive.
As I said I am untalented. So the tired old advice of the Salsa Class isn't an option. It is to much for me to master.
What can I do?:*(
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robyn
what to do would be to find ways of building your confidence and self esteem then you could feel happier about making friends
confidence is attractive, but its not the be all and end all, I have friends that have confidence, and some that dont, and they are my friends for other reasons, like they have a great sence of humour, and listen and support me and we like the same stuff etc lots of reasons and confidence is not high on the list
If you cant do salsa then find what you can do, what you like, then look round to see if theres a club for you, cinema club, jewerly making, yoga, animal care etc etc
if you cant think of anything your into then try something new, having something to be passionate about helps with confidence, meeting people, developing new skills
we all have different problems from dyspraxia, coming here doesnt mean we cant make friends or study or work, just that we want to talk to people who can understand all of the things that are unique to us
confidence is attractive, but its not the be all and end all, I have friends that have confidence, and some that dont, and they are my friends for other reasons, like they have a great sence of humour, and listen and support me and we like the same stuff etc lots of reasons and confidence is not high on the list
If you cant do salsa then find what you can do, what you like, then look round to see if theres a club for you, cinema club, jewerly making, yoga, animal care etc etc
if you cant think of anything your into then try something new, having something to be passionate about helps with confidence, meeting people, developing new skills
we all have different problems from dyspraxia, coming here doesnt mean we cant make friends or study or work, just that we want to talk to people who can understand all of the things that are unique to us
Do you think then even if confidence DOESN'T attract friends like moths round a lightbulb it would make it easier?
And even if I were to become super confident surely their is not more to attracting friends than simply feeling better about yourself.
What about the certain things you need to do or to say that sells yourself to people that your someone they go with?
On the activities I don't think their is anything I can do and do well.
And even if I were to find something at the local Comminity Centre a stones throw from where I live how do I break it to my parents that I have found something to do? I am scared that they may be cut up about it that it will mean I won't be around for a time.
I think I basically need help.
And even if I were to become super confident surely their is not more to attracting friends than simply feeling better about yourself.
What about the certain things you need to do or to say that sells yourself to people that your someone they go with?
On the activities I don't think their is anything I can do and do well.
And even if I were to find something at the local Comminity Centre a stones throw from where I live how do I break it to my parents that I have found something to do? I am scared that they may be cut up about it that it will mean I won't be around for a time.
I think I basically need help.