No job at 26, feel like a failure and that the lack of support I've had for dyspraxia is partially to blame.

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RedRevolver
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No job at 26, feel like a failure and that the lack of support I've had for dyspraxia is partially to blame.

Post by RedRevolver » Sun Apr 29, 2018 8:07 pm

Hi there,

I'm at a loss really. I did quite well at college, got my A-Levels (with the use of a laptop as handwriting is a no-no for me) and went to uni. Dropped out because of the self-care issues and depression I had relating to it.

I left, and wasn't able to get contribution based benefits (obviously, as I've never contributed) and now I've got to the grand old age of 26 without ever working. I'm very socially anxious because of this, and I'm really quite scared about my partner losing work/leaving me and therefore not having an income. It's been a vicious cycle of that for about 5 years which hasn't been healthy, although I was more optimistic at 22/23 when I still thought I could get an apprenticeship.

Now I don't know what to do. I've been thinking about vocational work, e.g. learning woodworking or something and doing that, but I just don't have the capital or the training providers nearby to do that and I'm really worried about using my hands because I always end up hurting myself and I fear I'll lose a finger (or worse) in the course of it.

I'm actually quite a good typist and I can type at quite a good speed, but it's very unorthodox and my hands hurt quickly.

When I was at university, I wanted to either progress to further studies and become an academic/professor (I think that's a dream to put to bed now) or become a journalist, further education lecturer in my respective subjects or work for a charity in policy research.

I don't think I'll be able to get this done now though? I'm not very optimistic anymore, and like I said, I've been depressed for years and become incredibly socially anxious to the point where I don't really like people and I'm not really the person I was in any way.

I just want to not feel like such a useless, lazy arsehole if I'm honest. I've looked at multiple questions like this, but many are either of people with previous jobs but changing mid-career or people being nasty about those who've never been in employment. I've looked at adult apprenticeships, but it seems to me that unless I've got the experience and an employer willing to hire me on an apprenticeship basis, it's not going to happen. I feel my work gap and incomplete education isn't going to get me anywhere.

I also think I need to be re-statemented, as I was statemented at university privately and (because I'm so well organised, obviously) lost it during the years I was moving about quite frequently.

I'm at a point where I think maybe I can accept life's not been great to me (I became socially excluded as a teenager, and left school with no GCSEs, managed to go to college at 16, get A-Levels at 18 and go to university on a scholarship, but refer to para 1) and social care as it is is pretty appalling.

I've reached out to charities, particularly when I was younger and in the 19-24 age bracket, it was all incredibly useless I found.

Okay, sorry for ranting. I might stick around here and try and help people out, that might make me feel somewhat better about life.

V.

EDIT: Topic title edited because obviously I'm to blame to a large degree, sometimes when I panic I can be blunt and forget that people won't infer how I feel things are being implied (or rather, it should be a given I'm obviously to blame for the large part, but also other factors that I've tried to address/want to address now).
Last edited by RedRevolver on Wed May 02, 2018 12:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Tom fod
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Re: No job at 26, feel like a failure and that the lack of support I've had for dyspraxia is to blame.

Post by Tom fod » Sun Apr 29, 2018 9:17 pm

Hi V

Please don't lose hope (stupid sounding statement no 1). It is really a struggle for too many us to find our way into a career path with so many disappointments, failures and setbacks along the way.

I certainly struggled to find and get into work. After doing my A Levels and getting an AS C Grade and a D. I was too concerned about debt/surviving at University that I didn't go myself. I was lucky in that I found a specialist training centre where I did an NVQ in Business Admin whilst I tried successive attempts to get into work applying for 150+ jobs with primarily local authority employers until the Training Centre I trained with created a role for me as a Research Assistant. Nearly three years later they went into insolvency (Feb 99) but after some searching around found a temporary data input role for the council as a short term 1 month contract before I got a Admin Assistant job and have been in work since though it has been a bumpy and difficult ride at times.

I only really began to understand I was Dyspraxic and what this meant for me in about 2010/11, when I stumbled across this site while wrestling problems at work and learning that I was affected. As far as I remember, nobody ever explained it to me when I was Statemented whilst in secondary school. They focused on my visual impairment so the disconnect as to why while I was theoretically intelligent and worked and tried hard, the fact I stupidly got things mixed up, went into panic and beat myself up was never explained.

In 2009/10 I was beginning to really struggle with workplace change and keeping up with my peers. Whilst learning about Dyspraxia was a lightbulb moment, I was really very fearful about what it meant for my identity and future prospects. Finding this site was probably the most useful thing for myself in starting to understand and accept myself and gain confidence in my abilities again.

Please have a good look around the Forum Topics here and fire as many questions as you want at us and we'll hopefully be of use to you too.
Tom
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Re: No job at 26, feel like a failure and that the lack of support I've had for dyspraxia is to blame.

Post by allesandro » Sun Apr 29, 2018 10:33 pm

Well, I can certainly identify with much of what you said. I stumbled around for most of my life, jumping from one job to another in a very incoherent fashion. the best job I ever had was my own business which thrived for about fifteen years and then went south, in large part because I didn't change business strategies and the strategy that worked in the beginning of the business, no longer worked fifteen yrs. later.
I think that anxiety and self flagellation only draws energy away from finding a solution; it's important to live in the solution, not the problem. I also think that recovery from this type of problem often lies in stages: that is, feeling better is a stage oriented process. Find some type of job that begins to stabilize you: something that just gets you out of the house, helps you to get your mind off yourself, and enables you to earn a little bit of money.You'll find that it will stabilize you somewhat and that in time you will be able to take on something bigger. Right now, take it one day at a time and set a small, achievable goal for yourself.
Don't give up hope. You're too young for that. You'd be surprised at the number of people your age who are in the same place as you and do not have dyspraxia. You'll find this out as you get older. For now you've got plenty of time to get back up on your feet. Just remember to try and live in the solution, not the problem. Negative thinking only draws energy away from this.
Good luck and keep us posted.

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Re: No job at 26, feel like a failure and that the lack of support I've had for dyspraxia is to blame.

Post by RedRevolver » Tue May 01, 2018 9:54 pm

Thanks for the advice.

I guess it's just hard, on paper, to do anything. I got a job a few years ago, working nights full time at a Welcome Break service station, which would have been difficult to get to and from anyway (I would've had to walk 4 miles home every night, 5 times a week). They also had dubious clauses in the contract, like not maintaining a profile on the company's in-house social networking site could be grounds for dismissal. I had a panic attack the night before the induction and because of SAD, found it difficult to ask for help before jacking it in before I'd even started. Like I said though, I'd volunteered for a while during this in a charity shop (i.e. a retail role) and found it hard and not really to be what I was made for.

I'm really having trouble going to the doctors, and this has exacerbated everything. I find it difficult to explain to receptionists why I need certain appointments; doctors haven't picked up on me needing a longer appointment until I get frustrated and avoidant; this has caused several issues (body image disorder, IBS, menstruation problems and support for lifestyle changes e.g. smoking, jaw problems also) to continue until I'm now like this - a homebound, hopeless wreck.

Idk. I've not applied for many jobs in my life, particularly the past few years (fear of rejection being a massive issue); I feel I need to be sure I fit the job description as well as wanting to find references which I don't have and don't really want to make up. It's all been very circular and hard to break through and I think the various issues needing to be addressed. I now live in rural Lincolnshire, where there's few opportunities to do much of anything.

RedRevolver
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Re: No job at 26, feel like a failure and that the lack of support I've had for dyspraxia is to blame.

Post by RedRevolver » Tue May 01, 2018 10:08 pm

allesandro wrote:Well, I can certainly identify with much of what you said. I stumbled around for most of my life, jumping from one job to another in a very incoherent fashion. the best job I ever had was my own business which thrived for about fifteen years and then went south, in large part because I didn't change business strategies and the strategy that worked in the beginning of the business, no longer worked fifteen yrs. later.
I think that anxiety and self flagellation only draws energy away from finding a solution; it's important to live in the solution, not the problem. I also think that recovery from this type of problem often lies in stages: that is, feeling better is a stage oriented process. Find some type of job that begins to stabilize you: something that just gets you out of the house, helps you to get your mind off yourself, and enables you to earn a little bit of money.You'll find that it will stabilize you somewhat and that in time you will be able to take on something bigger. Right now, take it one day at a time and set a small, achievable goal for yourself.
Don't give up hope. You're too young for that. You'd be surprised at the number of people your age who are in the same place as you and do not have dyspraxia. You'll find this out as you get older. For now you've got plenty of time to get back up on your feet. Just remember to try and live in the solution, not the problem. Negative thinking only draws energy away from this.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Thanks.

I think I'm paralysed, needing to have a much more simple care plan and can't cope with the prospect of training or being in work whilst needing to attend lots of doctors appointments. It's been a cycle of needing to feel fitter and healthier and have a manageable, rather than perfectionist, route forward or letting my physical health continue to fail as I manage, meaning I'll continue to have no friends, no hobbies and not achieve anything in terms of 'pleasure'.

I really don't think I have the ability to get a job. I don't have references, I have 4 GCSEs, none of which are vocational, I have 3 A-Levels (History, Government & Politics and English Literature) which are A*A*A respectively and then Part 1 of my degree, which was a spectacular failure (History, 2:2, Politics, 3, Philosophy 3). I've volunteered as an online mentor for a now defunct charity for precisely a week before giving it up because I didn't have the support I needed, given I was working with vulnerable young people and was still quite a young, vulnerable person myself; I volunteered for one day in a Sue Ryder charity shop but gave it up because I moved; then I volunteered, as much as I felt I could, for The Children's Society for about 2 years, but ended up feeling the environment was quite hostile and ended up spending most of my time smoking outside with the assistant manager. I have no admin experience, my family don't have any connections to help me, I don't have any hobbies/talents outside of my fledgling academic career. As above, I'm now living in rural North Lincolnshire, about 20 miles outside of Lincoln. Public transport makes things terribly hard to get to. I'm thinking about getting a driving license but being uncoordinated and prone to anxiety, as well as massive outbursts of anger, I think it would be dangerous for me to drive.

I know it might seem like I've not tried hard enough, but I'm quite moral and try to be reasonable to myself and my employer - I'd rather have gotten the skills, and given up my time for free doing relative work experience and then applying for work *knowing* I could achieve something, rather than apply for stuff, fluke it, and then get fired for not actually having the skills I pretended I had, which helps no one and takes away opportunity from someone with the relevant skill set.

I couldn't receive benefits because I was actively looking for work, couldn't get contribution based benefits and my partner was never on more than £28k whilst we were living together. We didn't receive any help, so all of his income went pretty much on rent, food, bills etc. Without getting him to take out loans (which is now a criminal offence and an act of domestic abuse [economic]) to send me back to college or buy many of the auxillary things I needed, like train fare, interview clothes etc., I didn't know what to do. I did apply for a few apprenticeships, but they were Level 2, and the framework didn't make it abundantly clear that people with A-Levels won't get funding for Level 2 under the apprenticeship guidelines specifically (I thought it was a separate classification for apprenticeships). So it wasn't until I was almost 24 I realised I should be applying for advanced/higher - but these almost always want work experience or a relevant L2 apprenticeship.

allesandro
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Re: No job at 26, feel like a failure and that the lack of support I've had for dyspraxia is to blame.

Post by allesandro » Wed May 02, 2018 12:24 am

Well, I'm in the US, so I don't know what type of mental health care might be available through the NHS however if you were in the States, I would recommend a partial hospitalization program. They must have an equivalent in the UK. You spend the day in treatment fro, 9-5, Mon through Friday. They focus on self care, hygiene, exercise being sure to get up early in the morning, make your bed, then shower, and get dressed and be ready to tackle the day. They also focus on cognitive therapy to address negative thinking, and thoughts that perpetuate anxiety. This also includes daily counseling sessions to train you in the use of cognitive therapy.
You would also see a psychiatrist weekly who would prescribe antidepressants and medications to address anxiety. I don't know how one goes about setting into motion a request for this level of care in the UK, but perhaps your GP or someone on here could be of more help. Good luck

allesandro
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Re: No job at 26, feel like a failure and that the lack of support I've had for dyspraxia is to blame.

Post by allesandro » Wed May 02, 2018 12:43 am

Just wanted to mention that you are welcome to private message me anytime.

RedRevolver
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Re: No job at 26, feel like a failure and that the lack of support I've had for dyspraxia is partially to blame.

Post by RedRevolver » Wed May 02, 2018 1:17 pm

I'm not sure. Unfortunately, because of the way the NHS is funded, there's a lack of co-ordinated care. I could try, but I've developed some pretty poor working relationships with the doctors I've seen due to health problems building up but having precious little in the way of help.

Thanks for your help. I keep on looking at jobs but they all require years of experience or certificates and training I don't have and am unlikely to get. I'm lucky to have a partner who is successful and really cares about me.

Dan
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Re: No job at 26, feel like a failure and that the lack of support I've had for dyspraxia is partially to blame.

Post by Dan » Wed May 02, 2018 2:57 pm

I dropped out of university for the exact same reason, but I did end up finding work in a field I loved. It's different for me, as I did very well at college so had some good qualifications to market myself, but please don't give up. :(

What do you enjoy doing? There are lots of avenues for you to go down. I'm sure me and the others on this forum could help you figure out the best road to employment in a field you think you'll enjoy.

I'm also a very fast typist and can play piano quite well, so I've always assumed those two types of tasks are gross motor control, not fine motor control, otherwise I'd have no chance!

I'm also a very anxious person and enjoy my solitude on the whole, but I do get quite lonely often and find that socialising online is ideal for me. Perhaps mainly sticking to online socialising is the best idea for you? I do think anxieties get worse the longer you are a recluse though, so do try to do a minimal level of socialising in-person if you are able.

RedRevolver
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Re: No job at 26, feel like a failure and that the lack of support I've had for dyspraxia is partially to blame.

Post by RedRevolver » Tue May 08, 2018 1:28 pm

Dan wrote:I dropped out of university for the exact same reason, but I did end up finding work in a field I loved. It's different for me, as I did very well at college so had some good qualifications to market myself, but please don't give up. :(

What do you enjoy doing? There are lots of avenues for you to go down. I'm sure me and the others on this forum could help you figure out the best road to employment in a field you think you'll enjoy.

I'm also a very fast typist and can play piano quite well, so I've always assumed those two types of tasks are gross motor control, not fine motor control, otherwise I'd have no chance!

I'm also a very anxious person and enjoy my solitude on the whole, but I do get quite lonely often and find that socialising online is ideal for me. Perhaps mainly sticking to online socialising is the best idea for you? I do think anxieties get worse the longer you are a recluse though, so do try to do a minimal level of socialising in-person if you are able.
Yeah, I'm just going to say this now, I did excellently at college. Superbly. In fact, I got into the local newspaper I did so well at college.

They are academic qualifications, however, and not vocational ones, so I have no science/IT qualifications of which to do an apprenticeship. Online socialising is actually probably the biggest part of my problem and something I dislike as a consequence. I know, from experience, I've done a lot better when I felt I could go out and do something e.g. at college with a good level of support at home (i.e. the ability to eat and clean without worrying too much about being in someone else's shoes etc.). It's not having anywhere to go and no reason to go out that's the issue. I'm not really a reclusive person, I just don't have anything to feel proud of so I choose not to socialise with other people through fear of judgement over my appearance (I used to be very overweight, but have since lost a good amount of weight, I struggle with sagging skin).

As for things I'm interested in: "
I'm actually quite a good typist and I can type at quite a good speed, but it's very unorthodox and my hands hurt quickly.

When I was at university, I wanted to either progress to further studies and become an academic/professor (I think that's a dream to put to bed now) or become a journalist, further education lecturer in my respective subjects or work for a charity in policy research." That was what I was passionate about. Otherwise, I'd like do computer programming, but I feel like I'll never have the skills to do it through sheer not practicing and not getting so good already.

I'm pretty much planning a life on PIP. I'll see what the doctors say, but I think I've pretty much blown all of my options. Like I said, I like this forum, but internet socialising isn't really my thing and I prefer human company and encouragement to physically move around.

Ram
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Re: No job at 26, feel like a failure and that the lack of support I've had for dyspraxia is partially to blame.

Post by Ram » Tue May 08, 2018 5:24 pm

RedRevolver wrote:
Yeah, I'm just going to say this now, I did excellently at college. Superbly. In fact, I got into the local newspaper I did so well at college.

When I was at university, I wanted to either progress to further studies and become an academic/professor (I think that's a dream to put to bed now) or become a journalist, further education lecturer in my respective subjects or work for a charity in policy research." That was what I was passionate about. Otherwise, I'd like do computer programming, but I feel like I'll never have the skills to do it through sheer not practicing and not getting so good already.
If I understand you correctly, it sounds as if you liked university study, but you were not that keen on other aspects of university life. I was wondering if an Open University course might be your thing. You would be able to study in your own privacy and at your own time and pace. It might give you some direction in your life. Would you be able to get funding for anything like that?

I apologize if I've come up with something too obvious and trite that you've considered before.

I just feel a bit sad that you are such an intelligent person who has lost her purpose and hope in life. By the way, I don't mean to be judgmental because I have been there.

Dan
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Re: No job at 26, feel like a failure and that the lack of support I've had for dyspraxia is partially to blame.

Post by Dan » Tue May 08, 2018 6:18 pm

Ram wrote:
RedRevolver wrote:
Yeah, I'm just going to say this now, I did excellently at college. Superbly. In fact, I got into the local newspaper I did so well at college.

When I was at university, I wanted to either progress to further studies and become an academic/professor (I think that's a dream to put to bed now) or become a journalist, further education lecturer in my respective subjects or work for a charity in policy research." That was what I was passionate about. Otherwise, I'd like do computer programming, but I feel like I'll never have the skills to do it through sheer not practicing and not getting so good already.
If I understand you correctly, it sounds as if you liked university study, but you were not that keen on other aspects of university life. I was wondering if an Open University course might be your thing. You would be able to study in your own privacy and at your own time and pace. It might give you some direction in your life. Would you be able to get funding for anything like that?

I apologize if I've come up with something too obvious and trite that you've considered before.

I just feel a bit sad that you are such an intelligent person who has lost her purpose and hope in life. By the way, I don't mean to be judgmental because I have been there.
I have been looking into doing an Open University course myself recently too. It's only £500 for the first year and could make an exponential difference to employment opportunity, even if one has done exceptionally well at college. I got the top mark at college, but it was a computer course back when computers were relatively new ideas, so despite supposedly having an equivalent to three As at A Level, I don't really feel that it was anywhere near as challenging as it should have been.

I'm looking into doing a pure programming degree on the Open University, a decision I should have made the first time around - my main issue with university was that the course focused so little on the aspects I enjoyed.

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Re: No job at 26, feel like a failure and that the lack of support I've had for dyspraxia is partially to blame.

Post by ALADDIN » Wed May 09, 2018 11:34 am

Hi,

I received my diagnosis of dyspraxia, late aged 33 in 2012. It has caused me a history of problems. I got 4 A Levels including an A in Maths .

I had problems socialising, memorising lots of information, coping with change, learning style. I suffered from depression.

At school , I had problems.

I got a BSc(Hon) Maths & Computer Science , only a 3rd from Birmingham university. I have a PGDip. I have a Professional qualification in Statistics.

I passed my driving test after 10 attempts (I only drive locally). My coordination is below average. My working memory and processing speed is average. I have below -average perceptual organisation.

Could have been offered a permanent job in IT, if there was room, aged 26. I have had jobs in IT, Telemarketing/Market Research (call centre & face to face) , Maths Tutoring, Data Analysis etc.

I do not have a great work history, my degree was from a different era. I have barriers including not certain jobs being unsuitable.

I get a few interviews, but lots of competition.

I think, I am being rejected because I am not a recent-graduate with a poor work history.

I think, having a late-diagnosis is much worse.

What do I do ?

I guess, improve my skills. I am improving my skills. The only way I have of getting a stable well paid job is a Stastician/Data Analyst (I know SAS, SPSSS, Stats Techniques, SQL, Python, Web Development, Computer Programming, Microsoft Excel, Databases).

I could not get a job in IT because it is too competitive. Finance and Banking are too competitive. I applied for teaching (it was not for me).

I want to be a Data Analyst / Statistician. I apply for many jobs. If I apply to the NHS, I quite often get replys back, as far as private sector I get rarely get replys back. I get a few interviews.

I have friends who have dyspraxia (moderate/severe), diagnosed in adulthood with degrees, they are doing voluntary work/casual work/part time work.

I feel I have no future.
Last edited by ALADDIN on Wed May 09, 2018 7:41 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Ram
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Re: No job at 26, feel like a failure and that the lack of support I've had for dyspraxia is partially to blame.

Post by Ram » Wed May 09, 2018 11:39 am

Dan wrote:[


I have been looking into doing an Open University course myself recently too. It's only £500 for the first year and could make an exponential difference to employment opportunity, even if one has done exceptionally well at college. I got the top mark at college, but it was a computer course back when computers were relatively new ideas, so despite supposedly having an equivalent to three As at A Level, I don't really feel that it was anywhere near as challenging as it should have been.

I'm looking into doing a pure programming degree on the Open University, a decision I should have made the first time around - my main issue with university was that the course focused so little on the aspects I enjoyed.
I remember reading years ago that people with ADD should stick out further education as long as possible because typical operational level jobs expose their weaknesses such as lack of speed and poor short term memory. I think the same can be said for dyspraxics, too. After completing my BA, my main regret was leaving it so late.

Anyway, Dan I wish you well on your programming course if you decide to take that decision.

Goggzy60
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Re: No job at 26, feel like a failure and that the lack of support I've had for dyspraxia is partially to blame.

Post by Goggzy60 » Wed May 16, 2018 8:18 pm

I have had the same issue as everyone above. Unfortunately I left high school at 16. I was put up a year at high school due to my intelligence and actually left halfway through fifth year in the middle of my highers and never took the exams al tough I do have 4 A's and a couple of B's and C's from my Standard Grades/Int 1's. Now the reason I left high school was because I was giving the opportunity to play Football in Scotland and then Spain. I had to retire at 18 due to injury. Worst mistake I ever made this was as I gave myself no back-up career and now at 25 all I do is stay at home care for my wife and try to find a part time job it's now been 7 years without a job for me. Football was a dream job for me and having that opportunity tore away for me along with the death of my best friend has put me into a depression that I can't overcome but help is just not there. I tried to get into coaching at 20 but it's far to expensive. As is pretty clear the balance and movement issues in Dyspraxia doesn't actually affect its the memory writing and everything else that has affected me. I know I could have got A's in my highers as I found school boring as I wasn't learning anything I didn't already know. I was STUPID when I was younger and due to it I'm suffering the affects now. If I could go back and change it I would.

Thank you to anyone who might actually read this as this forum seems like a place that people might understand better than most what it's like to feel a failure as I can't take care of my wife and daughter the way a man should.

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