Don't know if I should disclose please help!
Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2018 10:20 pm
Hi all, Forgive me if this is a long post but I have to get some of this out. I started a new job in September. My supervisor was originally thrilled to have me aboard because I am well qualified with many years of experience in private practice (as a psychotherapist) and was once on the Board of Directors of this agency(voluntary non paid position).
Well, I can do the job I was hired for because I am well credentialed and experienced however the problem began with the computer system. I have a great deal of difficulty processing information which is verbally given to me and which contains multiple steps. By the time the instructions are given, I've forgotten about 50% of what was told to me. Well, with computers 50% of the information is probably worse than none because you just end up generating computer errors which then have to be fixed by someone else. Well, the mistakes came pouring through for weeks some of them manifesting as things undone because one has to save the information processed twice in order for the computer to save the information.
So, needless to say, it appeared quite often that I didn't perform duties that I actually had but had forgotten that there are two separate places where one must save information. To compound this is the multitude of mistakes I mad just because I'd forgotten certain critical steps necessary to perform a particular function. Well my relationship with my supervisor began to deteriorate and that deterioration picked up momentum quite rapidly.
She began to become quite pedantic and to reprimand me as though I was a child, which is something that simply makes me clam up and shut down. The reprimands got worse with me just shutting down and being as compliant as I could but functioning at a minimum simply because of the stress of the mistakes I would have to fix from the data entry attempt compounded by mistakes I was currently making in the present and ever increasing anxiety as the day went on. I only work part time because I am also on disability for diabetes. Each day my blood sugar would be up and down like a roller coaster, and I would often leave so exhausted I could do nothing else but go home and take a sleeping pill and go to bed. The next time I'd go to work it would just be a repeat of the same thing: having to fix mistakes from the previous day, being reprimanded pedantically as though I was a child, total exhaustion and more mistakes.
Well, to fast forward to today: the good news--I finally get the computer system and can do what needs to be done; the bad news----my boss no longer has any confidence in me and won't give me any more work--essentially when the clients I have have completed their therapy I will have been 'in effect' terminated without the drama of actually having to tell me to go, and terminating a former board member.I've even noticed the assistant director no longer even says hello to me when he passes me in the halls.
So, in essence I am completely humiliated and demoralized. I have been depressed and not taking care of myself. I am anhedonic, and don't enjoy things as I once did. I have become very reclusive and somewhat agoraphobic. I don't know if I should just quit or if I should disclose to my supervisor the situation with the dyspraxia, not that I think she'd even know what it is because I live in America where very few people even in the mental health field have heard of it. We would almost invariably diagnose it as ADD in adults. So I'm tormented by this, thinking of it day and night and not being able to make a decision. I would appreciate any suggestions.
Well, I can do the job I was hired for because I am well credentialed and experienced however the problem began with the computer system. I have a great deal of difficulty processing information which is verbally given to me and which contains multiple steps. By the time the instructions are given, I've forgotten about 50% of what was told to me. Well, with computers 50% of the information is probably worse than none because you just end up generating computer errors which then have to be fixed by someone else. Well, the mistakes came pouring through for weeks some of them manifesting as things undone because one has to save the information processed twice in order for the computer to save the information.
So, needless to say, it appeared quite often that I didn't perform duties that I actually had but had forgotten that there are two separate places where one must save information. To compound this is the multitude of mistakes I mad just because I'd forgotten certain critical steps necessary to perform a particular function. Well my relationship with my supervisor began to deteriorate and that deterioration picked up momentum quite rapidly.
She began to become quite pedantic and to reprimand me as though I was a child, which is something that simply makes me clam up and shut down. The reprimands got worse with me just shutting down and being as compliant as I could but functioning at a minimum simply because of the stress of the mistakes I would have to fix from the data entry attempt compounded by mistakes I was currently making in the present and ever increasing anxiety as the day went on. I only work part time because I am also on disability for diabetes. Each day my blood sugar would be up and down like a roller coaster, and I would often leave so exhausted I could do nothing else but go home and take a sleeping pill and go to bed. The next time I'd go to work it would just be a repeat of the same thing: having to fix mistakes from the previous day, being reprimanded pedantically as though I was a child, total exhaustion and more mistakes.
Well, to fast forward to today: the good news--I finally get the computer system and can do what needs to be done; the bad news----my boss no longer has any confidence in me and won't give me any more work--essentially when the clients I have have completed their therapy I will have been 'in effect' terminated without the drama of actually having to tell me to go, and terminating a former board member.I've even noticed the assistant director no longer even says hello to me when he passes me in the halls.
So, in essence I am completely humiliated and demoralized. I have been depressed and not taking care of myself. I am anhedonic, and don't enjoy things as I once did. I have become very reclusive and somewhat agoraphobic. I don't know if I should just quit or if I should disclose to my supervisor the situation with the dyspraxia, not that I think she'd even know what it is because I live in America where very few people even in the mental health field have heard of it. We would almost invariably diagnose it as ADD in adults. So I'm tormented by this, thinking of it day and night and not being able to make a decision. I would appreciate any suggestions.