Don't know if I should disclose please help!

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Don't know if I should disclose please help!

Post by allesandro » Tue Jan 16, 2018 10:20 pm

Hi all, Forgive me if this is a long post but I have to get some of this out. I started a new job in September. My supervisor was originally thrilled to have me aboard because I am well qualified with many years of experience in private practice (as a psychotherapist) and was once on the Board of Directors of this agency(voluntary non paid position).

Well, I can do the job I was hired for because I am well credentialed and experienced however the problem began with the computer system. I have a great deal of difficulty processing information which is verbally given to me and which contains multiple steps. By the time the instructions are given, I've forgotten about 50% of what was told to me. Well, with computers 50% of the information is probably worse than none because you just end up generating computer errors which then have to be fixed by someone else. Well, the mistakes came pouring through for weeks some of them manifesting as things undone because one has to save the information processed twice in order for the computer to save the information.

So, needless to say, it appeared quite often that I didn't perform duties that I actually had but had forgotten that there are two separate places where one must save information. To compound this is the multitude of mistakes I mad just because I'd forgotten certain critical steps necessary to perform a particular function. Well my relationship with my supervisor began to deteriorate and that deterioration picked up momentum quite rapidly.

She began to become quite pedantic and to reprimand me as though I was a child, which is something that simply makes me clam up and shut down. The reprimands got worse with me just shutting down and being as compliant as I could but functioning at a minimum simply because of the stress of the mistakes I would have to fix from the data entry attempt compounded by mistakes I was currently making in the present and ever increasing anxiety as the day went on. I only work part time because I am also on disability for diabetes. Each day my blood sugar would be up and down like a roller coaster, and I would often leave so exhausted I could do nothing else but go home and take a sleeping pill and go to bed. The next time I'd go to work it would just be a repeat of the same thing: having to fix mistakes from the previous day, being reprimanded pedantically as though I was a child, total exhaustion and more mistakes.

Well, to fast forward to today: the good news--I finally get the computer system and can do what needs to be done; the bad news----my boss no longer has any confidence in me and won't give me any more work--essentially when the clients I have have completed their therapy I will have been 'in effect' terminated without the drama of actually having to tell me to go, and terminating a former board member.I've even noticed the assistant director no longer even says hello to me when he passes me in the halls.
So, in essence I am completely humiliated and demoralized. I have been depressed and not taking care of myself. I am anhedonic, and don't enjoy things as I once did. I have become very reclusive and somewhat agoraphobic. I don't know if I should just quit or if I should disclose to my supervisor the situation with the dyspraxia, not that I think she'd even know what it is because I live in America where very few people even in the mental health field have heard of it. We would almost invariably diagnose it as ADD in adults. So I'm tormented by this, thinking of it day and night and not being able to make a decision. I would appreciate any suggestions.
Last edited by Tom fod on Tue Jan 16, 2018 11:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Don't know if I should disclose please help!

Post by Tom fod » Tue Jan 16, 2018 11:25 pm

My dyspraxia makes me a frustrated perfectionist and a pedant too. If you're convinced you'll be let go anyway, why not try disclosing? She/they may be more amenable to your admission than you give her/them credit for!

Hell I'd even venture there is a large gap/gaping chasm in the market to help those of us
with Dyspraxia better accept ourselves as equally valuable members of society!

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

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Re: Don't know if I should disclose please help!

Post by NoLimitations » Wed Jan 24, 2018 2:10 am

Hi Allesandro,

So sorry to hear about your situation. Adjusting to a new job is tough enough without the additional stress of also having to master the computer system. Just wondering if you were provided with much training or opportunity to practice using the system before hand. Having to perform tasks which I haven't fully mastered increases my anxiety and sometimes makes me fear seeking support due to fear of being judged. This is due to having negative experience during my postgrad training with two people who immediately zoned on skills or anything I didn't know rather than supporting me to learn.

However, I was lucky enough to have more people in the workplace who were non judgemental, could see my strengths, and had understanding that I was training. It sounds to me that you have achieved a lot in the past in terms of qualifications and experience. Please don't let this experience ruin your career. Your job is also complex and takes up a lot of mental energy. In my previous job all staff were offered training in using the computer system, some people took longer to learn, and they weren't judged on this, as their expertise and professional knowledge was more valued.

Just wondering whether you reached a decision on whether to inform your manager about dyspraxia.

Hope things work out for you.


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Re: Don't know if I should disclose please help!

Post by wobblyboots85 » Thu Feb 01, 2018 12:43 pm

Hi All

I would definately disclose anything you feel is necessary to work. This new factor to them might make them think carefully on how they can help and treat you. Sometimes pre-diagnosings (and a previous job but same organisation) I could be described as unreliable, dismissive, lazy etc. but soon after i gave and explored reasons for this relating to my dyspraxia the employeers sat back and became a lot more understanding. Granted it may and still hasnt resolved everythign for me but it WILL be beneficial!

I sturggle a LOT with my new job. its so much computer work and processing , i am on a performance review i dont see a way out of so trying to help myself the best i can. with honest, regular meetings, check lists, conferring with colleagues when i have a difficulty or cant do something.

hope all is well

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