Dyspraxic Adults

Hello!

So I have just recently really accepted that I have dyspraxia, I haven't been diagnosed but I have known for many years that something wasn't right. I heard about Dyspraxia a few years ago and everything started to make sense. I was working full time and was always quite hard on myself when I made a mistake, took a while to grasp an idea etc. I somehow got along anyway and was able to avoid things I wasn't so confident at. I left my job to look for something better as I really believed I could succeed in anything and that my difficulties were normal and that I was just full of negativity towards myself. When I started my new job I REALLY struggled, it was completely different and everyone else was so much quicker at understanding everything, I fell so behind in the first few weeks I just had to leave, I couldn't handle going in and embarrassing myself anymore! I was making myself ill with stress and worry and also the feeling of being so confident in my previous job to being an anxious mess. I feel like that experience has made me really take a step back and now every time I make a mistake or drop something, get lost etc I beat myself up about it so much!! I am thinking about it all the time and just don't know where to go from here. I almost wish I hadn't found out about it because I obsess over every little thing now that I feel because of my Dyspraxia. All the careers I had envisaged are so far out of reach because of it, I wanted to join the police but I have zero sense of direction (to the point I can't find my car in the car park sometimes) and I find it very difficult processing information quickly, especially sequences etc. It was my dream but now that I feel like I know these aren't just slight weaknesses, I feel like there's no point in trying to find a career in this field.

Sorry for the long post!

I was diagnosed around age 4 and I've always known that I have dyspraxia, but I only actually read into it a few years ago and my life started making more sense, all the **** I beat myself up for was largely out of my control, which funily enough makes me happier and more able to accept myself.

I can't offer you any in depth advice about work etc but I'm aware that if you are so passionate and motivated by something then it's possible to overcome ones difficulties.

Poppy91 wrote:Hello!

So I have just recently really accepted that I have dyspraxia, I haven't been diagnosed but I have known for many years that something wasn't right. I heard about Dyspraxia a few years ago and everything started to make sense. I was working full time and was always quite hard on myself when I made a mistake, took a while to grasp an idea etc. I somehow got along anyway and was able to avoid things I wasn't so confident at. I left my job to look for something better as I really believed I could succeed in anything and that my difficulties were normal and that I was just full of negativity towards myself.

When I started my new job I REALLY struggled, it was completely different and everyone else was so much quicker at understanding everything, I fell so behind in the first few weeks I just had to leave, I couldn't handle going in and embarrassing myself anymore! I was making myself ill with stress and worry and also the feeling of being so confident in my previous job to being an anxious mess. I feel like that experience has made me really take a step back and now every time I make a mistake or drop something, get lost etc I beat myself up about it so much!! I am thinking about it all the time and just don't know where to go from here.

I almost wish I hadn't found out about it because I obsess over every little thing now that I feel because of my Dyspraxia. All the careers I had envisaged are so far out of reach because of it, I wanted to join the police but I have zero sense of direction (to the point I can't find my car in the car park sometimes) and I find it very difficult processing information quickly, especially sequences etc. It was my dream but now that I feel like I know these aren't just slight weaknesses, I feel like there's no point in trying to find a career in this field.

Sorry for the long post!

This isn't particularly long at all and if it's long, so what. It's not an easy thing to try to put into words and if the detail is important it's necessary.

Personally I think we often make for good analysts as we are often very persistent and are capable of seeing the big picture and connecting disparate facts even if we do it in a way that is not logical or easily discernible, the result is still valid!. You're clearly intelligent but think differently when compared to most. Finding a suitable niche for oneself where you can start to feel more confident in yourself is all too often a difficult process. My paraphrasing might be a little off but I believe Albert Einstein said that if a fish is judged by it's ability to ride a bicycle it will grow up thinking it is stupid!

Welcome to the forum and I hope this is of some comfort. Feel free to ask more 8:)

Hi Poppy,
Without sounding dismissive and condescending, I can relate to so much of what you wrote, including being concerned about writing too much. At 63 y/o and learning about "this" has truthfully devastated me. I am actually going through the stages of grief I believe. I too have learned to compensate and have just come to believe certain truths about myself, I am: stupid, clueless, clumsy etc. People in my life are perfectly happy with me being "clueless" I believe. Opening Pandora's box has been painful for me and a major inconvenience for the people I thought I could trust the most. Truly, nothing has been a surprise, I have always felt that something was just not right.
Regarding work, I am a Registered Nurse, and have been one for 40 years. I learned and still do work small, no matter how intense, rather than large. For example, I hated working on the floors, yet working in specialty units such as ICU or CCU did not bother me.
Perhaps being a policeman is not in your future, (I have dysgeographia as well) however being a 911 dispatcher may be.
It gets frustrating and discouraging when jobs don't work out. I retired after 19 yrs. from one position as a supervisor. I tried to work at 3 different nursing homes and quit within 1 wk, I could not do the work. I was expected among other things to pass multiple meds to 40 patients and I could not get it. After the third failure I thought my nursing career was over. I was mistaken, I was working "large" again. I was blessed to find the perfect position as a research nurse. I would never ever have imagined I would be doing this.
One thing I have learned about working with others, they lie! They are masters of the game, we are not.

Thank you for your replies guys!

LizzyD, your story is exactly what I needed to hear, I too feel like along as I find a specific area of the job that I can get good at I will be able to succeed. I am currently a daytime manager at a restaurant, I manage all events and bookings and although this is very stressful and not ideal for someone with Dyspraxia (arranging table layouts, coordinating bookings etc) if I make sure I give myself extra time and because I have a very good work ethic, I seem to get through. On the other hand, I love training the staff.. this part makes it all worth while.

I think I just need to learn to be easier on myself and to try and push through the difficult stages that appear at the start of a new job. The office experience really shook me up and made me realise that I am different from everyone else! I'm glad that it has come to light and this forum has helped me a lot too.

I hope one day I can have complete independence, at the moment I think because I have been between jobs I have gotten away with excuses like "not being able to afford a car" therefore not driving anywhere and so avoiding my 'dysgeographia' from being so obvious. Any tips on how to improve this problem whatsoever would be greatly appreciated!!

Lots of love x

Poppy,
I am so proud of you. Every success "one" of us has feels like a personal success. As I said at 63 I could write a book on dos and dont's. We are extremely fortunate to be able to honestly express ourselves here. It sounds like you have found your niche at your present job, although it does involve multitasking. I believe we compartmentalize to compensate. In other words, some how or another in multitask situations we are able to quickly place them into their own compartment to deal with them. I had to learn this when working in the ER. My son admitted he had to learn to compartmentalize during the training to become a Green Beret and continues to do so on active duty especially when deployed.
As far as the dysgeographia(not a diagnosis rather a term used to describe us on the internet) it can be so damn frustrating and irritating.Use Google Maps on your phone, write down everything, anything that helps.
The other thing, please be careful who you tell about your diagnosis. Somethings may be obvious (like you can't tell your l from R). Never give others ammunition, especially "friends". I never lie on applications etc. (which are confidential) but I do not offer anything. This is extremely hard for me as a person and as a nurse. Although our brains work differently, you have the ability and right to live a full rewarding life just like everyone else. No one has the right to interfere with that.
I never want to sound like I am lecturing you, I detest that you feel the way you do about yourself. Knowledge from this site and other sources will bring enlightenment and freedom.
Wishing You the Best

Multitasking is a challenge.

Sometimes because we know.. We can be better at it. I work in an NHS call centre and believe it or not I'm using processing multiple phone calls at once as well as managing paperwork and other interruptions.

It's as about as undyspraxic a task as you could want yet as long as you know how to break things down and micro manage then you can do it. Others may get frustrated if you have to ask them to repeat themselves but ya know? Stuff them.

My son is 17 and was diagnosed at 4 years old.
I'm 35 and not diagnosed but know i 100% have dyspraxia.
I'm forgetful, slow, have moments where i'm lively and bubbly but then have those days where i'm crying, criticizing my work performance from the day working at a preschool. Want to work full time but i stress too much (even though i'm getting better at controlling it) so part time it shall be.
find conversations hard even with work colleagues but i do have a good team around me that put me at ease, even though there can be days where they forget my difficulties.
At times i wished i didn't have dyspraxia and hope my son doesn't have the same thoughts like me because he is like his dad and will stand up for himself and doesn't care what people say or think about him.xx

Welcome alb24.

It took a few years after I suspected Dyspraxia before I had confirmation.

I recognise the concerns expressed and am relived that my dyspraxic daughter has become an independent adult.

I hope posting here will give an outlet for your concerns.

Thank you.

Welcome

All too often we're harder on ourselves as a 'strategy' to try to avoid judgement of others.

It can be a struggle and confusing about when you can/shd give a s#$t about what others' think as they are being constructive. I think that given our long memories we are rately apt to repeat mistakes?

Poppy91 wrote: ↑Thu Nov 16, 2017 9:56 am Hello!

So I have just recently really accepted that I have dyspraxia, I haven't been diagnosed but I have known for many years that something wasn't right. I heard about Dyspraxia a few years ago and everything started to make sense. I was working full time and was always quite hard on myself when I made a mistake, took a while to grasp an idea etc. I somehow got along anyway and was able to avoid things I wasn't so confident at. I left my job to look for something better as I really believed I could succeed in anything and that my difficulties were normal and that I was just full of negativity towards myself. When I started my new job I REALLY struggled, it was completely different and everyone else was so much quicker at understanding everything, I fell so behind in the first few weeks I just had to leave, I couldn't handle going in and embarrassing myself anymore! I was making myself ill with stress and worry and also the feeling of being so confident in my previous job to being an anxious mess. I feel like that experience has made me really take a step back and now every time I make a mistake or drop something, get lost etc I beat myself up about it so much!! I am thinking about it all the time and just don't know where to go from here. I almost wish I hadn't found out about it because I obsess over every little thing now that I feel because of my Dyspraxia. All the careers I had envisaged are so far out of reach because of it, I wanted to join the police but I have zero sense of direction (to the point I can't find my car in the car park sometimes) and I find it very difficult processing information quickly, especially sequences etc. It was my dream but now that I feel like I know these aren't just slight weaknesses, I feel like there's no point in trying to find a career in this field.

Sorry for the long post!

I relate heavily to your post.

I have struggled with every job I've done and often feel that I'm incapable of anything. I work on the frontline, medically, and so far - bizarrely enough - it seems to be the best fit. You'd think it would be tough - and I definitely have my struggles and frequently feel like quitting - but it fits in reasonably well with my issues.

I know you feel incapable, but I think there will be something that plays to your strengths and forgives your weaknesses. If you try to get a diagnosis, you could then seek support from any future employer.

I often worry about my career. I can't do what I'm doing now forever because it isn't practical, so I will end up having to find another job that isn't a huge struggle.

It's so stressful, isn't it?

Poppy91 wrote: ↑Sun Nov 19, 2017 10:51 am
I hope one day I can have complete independence, at the moment I think because I have been between jobs I have gotten away with excuses like "not being able to afford a car" therefore not driving anywhere and so avoiding my 'dysgeographia' from being so obvious. Any tips on how to improve this problem whatsoever would be greatly appreciated!!

Lots of love x

Can't you use sat nav? I use mine all the time.

I try to avoid giving tips or advice regarding dyspraxia/DCD related matters because, as I understand the condition, the co-ordination difficulties that are at the heart of DCD can vary significantly for each of us.

I try to share my experience and to attend to what others share of theirs and avoid anyone who is described as an "expert" especially self described!

I was seventeen when I learned to drive in 1965/6 and for my upbringing - with my family running a small business, that involved lorry driving - it was a rite of passage to be able to drive and I was highly motivated to do it.

I effectively normalised the skills involved - gear changing, slowing and stopping and accelerating all whilst controlling the direction of the vehicle by just doing a lot of it.

Route finding and even turning the way I need to go even at a familiar junction has always been problematical - I got used to going the wrong way and turning back and going the right way and I still have trouble on large roundabouts when their are not clear direction signs at the exit - so I just got used to doing an extra circuit and concentrating especially hard on the second time around.

BS - Before SAtNav - if driving an unfamiliar route - I would work it out in advance - using a route finding road atlas & reduce my directions to a list of places to follow the direction signs to - with the road numbers written in along side with simple codes - TR or TL - turn right/left. I would then stick the list on the dashboard - I even have an interior light I can plug into the cigarette lighter - that can be used at night.





I got used to doing that in the early 1970s and do not do it nowadays as I am pretty familar with the layout of where comes before where for several parts of Britain where I have lived and anyway now have Google Maps on the rare occasion I venture anywhere anfamiliar - very rare.

In fact I prefer to seek landmarks rather than Mrs Google giving instructions - because that helps me to learn a sense of place.

A friend was coming on a forty mile journey to a meeting in a hall a few villages from me, that I was running.

He arrived early as I was setting things up, I realised I had forgotten to bring milk for the tea/coffee and he offered to go to the shop about a mile away to buy some - which way is it says he - I reply - you know the pub on the corner where you turned by - No said he, I just followed Mrs Google!



Even with Sat Nav I never go anywhere without a recent edition of what I believe is now the best route finding map available in Great Britain - which seems cheaper than when I first bought it about twenty years ago -- not often available in shops - it is around £20.00 online but has saved me more than that on a single journey in time and extra miles around congestion-

Well, I can totally relate to your post. Last year I took a part time job which went south real fast. I had tremendous difficulty navigating the computer system and it took me way longer than it should have to attempt to complete the documentation on the computer system. I'm 63 and when I first entered this field everything was done on paper so that was not an issue. Anyway, the job itself was not of significant consequence financially because I wasn't earning that much money. However, if it had turned out well, I could certainly have moved into a full time position with benefits which is what I very much needed because we don't have a NHS in the US and as a senior citizen living on disability I could really have used the prescription insurance. The job turned into a disaster and I fell further and further behind. The anxiety alone left me paralyzed with fear and shame, particularly because I was once a member of the board of directors at this agency, and had been well regarded. The anxiety and depression led to a downward spiral and I was quickly making myself ill. After six months of trying and slowly getting better I realized that it was all for nothing because my boss had written me off after the second month ( I believe). I finally decided to resign which did not go well, as my boss decided she wanted me to do a lot of closing work for which I would not be paid. At that point, I was so drained between my own shame over my failures as well as my failure to stand up for myself when I was being treated unfairly ( and I clearly had been treated unfairly and had been disrespected), I just left and told my boss I wanted no further contact with her or the agency.
Since then, I have definitely been reticent to pursue any kind of employment in my field, even though I am good at it. It's not the work so much as it is the computer systems I would have to master in order to complete documentation. I don't think I could go through that again at my age. I would definitely pursue other jobs except I can't drive because I have no sense of direction and am very bad at spatial relations. It doesn't help that I live in a city with very small, narrow streets, and lots of detours due to constant construction work. I am now in a position where I am going to have to engage in something because I am rapidly going through savings which I depend upon just to exist. I don't have any real advise because my knowledge of my diagnosis is only about a year old. Before that I was just told I had ADD. So at this late stage in life I am just now trying to wrap my head around all of this.