Help much needed!

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Bizzarebird
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Help much needed!

Post by Bizzarebird » Sun Jul 23, 2017 2:10 am

I work in social care and have had problems with my written communications in the past, I disclosed in a team meeting a few months ago that I am dsypraxic and apologised my written is blunt and says what it needs to say in a communication book between staff. I am working on this, I am a new member of staff energetic and outgoing and have made lots of suggestions to improve systems etc and this hasn't gone down well. Yesterday my manager says a colleague has reported me for targeting her with my messages in communication book are getting at her! She has involved the union and we have to go to mediation next week, but this will result in us both being moved to a new workplace separately! It's taken so long to build my confidence here that thought kills me, and I am struggling to understand why. In hindsight I read back my messages days after and think oh yeah a bit blunt but says what it needs to say. You left a window open that couldn't be closed can we not use that window. I have tried to write it down somewhere else and think about it but I forget to put it on official book then I be in trouble for not documenting it. I only found out about the complaints today I don't know how to deal with this my confidence is in my boots yet again.

Tom fod
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Re: Help much needed!

Post by Tom fod » Sun Jul 23, 2017 4:57 pm

Hi and welcome Bizzarebird

I've also find my written communication can sometimes be perceived by others as rude as I tend to be quite direct and spell out exactly what needs to be done, so some might perceive it as patronising too. I too have found myself in conflict with others in the way things are done and if you're not established people can feel like their perceived position in the pecking order is being challenged and/or that you are exceeding what they perceive as your level of authority. I think we also are better at seeing the worst case scenario and care (maybe) too much, while our colleagues/managers are more 'that's the way it is' and working around (or ignoring) a problem. It drives me mad too and I'm not one to easily let things go, though sometimes you have to for the sake of harmony. Its sometimes a case of choosing your battles.

Your message about the window could, (in hindsight) have been phrased. Please can someone advise maintenance/management that the window in room x has a fault and is a potential hazard. That way it is more a statement of there's a problem with x thing. We need to find a way to sort this out and in the meantime I strongly recommend we all do Y. If a window physically can't be closed, how can it be left in any other state than open and is any one person to blame?.

Before writing the message in the book could you write it on a post-it note/notepad first and ask for another colleagues thoughts on the wording/tone? Is there any formal guidance about writing communications in the book

I thought the whole idea of mediation was to address any problems between staff members so that they can work well together rather than separate them which may leave you feeling as though they're treating you like a child. Are you also in the Union?

Hope this gives you some ideas but please send me a private Message or reply here if there's anything we/I can help with. Do you think they understood your disclosure and how you and they can best work together?
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

Bizzarebird
New member - welcome them!
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Jul 23, 2017 2:01 am

Re: Help much needed!

Post by Bizzarebird » Mon Jul 24, 2017 6:44 pm

I could have sworn the beginning of message you work with me, I am a perceived threat at work they don't like me. No matter how much l try and explain l am not confident and my esteem is non existence they don't believe me and I am just rubbing everyone up the way I am. I can't change me and I am fed up of apologising for being me. I go to work and l am stay at home I have no social circle and don't go out so l am wayward and throw myself into work. It's multi messages I have written I am blunt and to the point and the staff member has takin it as personal but it's not and I explained all this in a team meeting on 11 January this year disclosing my problems to the whole team. But yet again l am being called to explain again I am tired of saying sorry I just feel like in grow in confidence and this happens and l feel knocked down! We are single staffed so l don't have anyone else to proof read, I tried writing it on separate paper to reread before entering in book but I forgot to do it once as I also have Another arm to my diagnosis listed as Other to cover specific problems with short term memory. As me what I did this time last year easy ask me what I have for breakfast it would take time to think! The mediation has been rescheduled for Friday now. I just feel like a lamb to slaughter, I will never manage to achieve my goal of being good enough to succeed in something!
Yes I am in union same as the other staff they are facilitating the mediation. I don't even image the staff had told the union I have a LD and will deny knowing but she was present at team meeting in Jan so can't really deny it!

Tom fod
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Posts: 1880
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Location: SW UK

Re: Help much needed!

Post by Tom fod » Tue Jul 25, 2017 12:26 am

So have you considered taking the initiative to inform your Union about your Dyspraxia?
U
One of the frustrations is that other people are v unlikely to remember what was said at a meeting six months ago, and even if they did, the message clearly hasn't been understood or properly appreciated.

This is regrettable but it is not fair for them to blame you or you to blame yourself for this communication failure. If mediation doesn't work maybe you need to consider future options such as a written response. If they are intent on finding a pretext for letting you go they will. Is it worth fighting if they're unwilling to help you develop or work to resolve any conflict or misunderstanding. You can only do so much and if you have hand on heart done everything you can you might be better off resigning and going elsewhere. Tthat decision is yours alone but you can use is as a sounding board for possible solutions you might suggest..
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

Bizzarebird
New member - welcome them!
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Jul 23, 2017 2:01 am

Re: Help much needed!

Post by Bizzarebird » Fri Jul 28, 2017 12:56 am

Why should I have to leave and find a new job because I have a learning difficulty that doesn't seem fair! I don't have any issues with this woman but she has complained to manager and now got union involved saying that I am targeting her when I am not. I don't think it's fair that I should have to leave when I am good at my job and this all seems like I am too good at my job in her eyes and she is complaining!
Meeting tomorrow Friday At 1.30 x

Tom fod
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Posts: 1880
Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 10:05 pm
Location: SW UK

Re: Help much needed!

Post by Tom fod » Fri Jul 28, 2017 6:23 am

Because they're a crappy employer who can't seem to accept your difference and maybe don't deserve you.

I can see fro your other post why maintaining employment is going to feel important.

Good luck with meeting and I hope the mediation resolves this crap.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

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