Marriage and Employment

Discussions relating to jobs and working, including finding work, interviews, the work place etc.

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eYh
Getting settled in
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat May 21, 2016 3:51 am

Marriage and Employment

Postby eYh » Sat May 21, 2016 7:48 am

Hi

First time posting but I've been reading these forums for over three years to help me with my dyspraxic boyfriend- now husband. I think overall we have a very happy life together and wanted to make a bit of an "ask me anything" post. I may have questions for you as well because I'm the non dyspraxic half.

We got married on world literacy day in the local library because he's chairman of the board and I am a writer. We became friends online, met four months later and been together almost four years now. :banana:

He moved from England To Canada to be with me and we've finally gotten the permanent residence status for him. \:D/ Life looks great. :bumps: How can I best support him as he looks for work after three years of not being able to (because his status was only visit here).

Thanks,

Y

Tom fod
Administrator
Posts: 1489
Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 10:05 pm
Location: SW UK

Re: Marriage and Employment

Postby Tom fod » Sat May 21, 2016 9:36 pm

Hi and welcome Y

I've moved this into work as I feel the purpose of this post better fits within this category.

You haven't what sort of work your husband is planning to look for hoping to find, what expectations he has and what qualifications and UK-based employment experience he can draw on? The fact he's chairman of a board does suggests he has some management skills?

Has he made any job applications yet or created a resume/CV to send to prospective employers? Has he thought about how he will explain his strengths and weaknesses and what if any support he might want to ask an employer for or what he might choose to tell them about his dyspraxia?

Do you or he have any specific concerns?
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

eYh
Getting settled in
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat May 21, 2016 3:51 am

Re: Marriage and Employment

Postby eYh » Sun May 22, 2016 6:03 am

You haven't what sort of work your husband is planning to look for hoping to find, what expectations he has and what qualifications and UK-based employment experience he can draw on? The fact he's chairman of a board does suggests he has some management skills?

OK. Love the questions! It may help him too.

He was a healthcare aid in the UK but here he needs a certificate which takes six months and several thousand dollars. No advanced education, so other than health care experience I believe from our discussions that anything 'interesting' would do for now. He has gone through a program to make a resume, cover letter. They did mock interviews, and that sort of thing too as far as what to talk about with an employer.

We think he may have ADHD, though he was never diagnosed with it. My concern has been him being able to settle down, help out at home and actively look for work. He might go see the Dr on Tuesday about the ADHD and find out if there is a treatment that would work better. From our talks it seems that he's always had trouble just settling into a task, becoming hyper, talking too fast, and a few other things.

So maybe if he can learn to manage it better he will have more confidence?

I'm not sure, but sometimes I feel extremely impatient that he is not trying much harder to look for work.
I work at home, so things can be a bit "too much togetherness" at times.

So I'm curious how to keep my cool, and somehow be supportive so that he is more motivated.

Or, assuming he has ADHD, a treatment for it might solve those issues?

Also of course, how do I help his self esteem?

Thanks so much!

Yvonne

Tom fod
Administrator
Posts: 1489
Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 10:05 pm
Location: SW UK

Re: Marriage and Employment

Postby Tom fod » Mon May 23, 2016 9:55 pm

Hi again Yvonne

You're welcome, what someone individually finds interesting is quite subjective. Is it possible to find a job with an employer who will allow him to work towards certification on the job or is being certified an absolute prerequisite? Speaking to a Dr will hopefully be helpful and he or she might suggest alternatives to medication such as relaxation techniques to help him deal better with stressful situations and remain calmer. (Not easy!)

You can only encourage and support him as he needs to do the heavy work of finding a job for himself on his own terms. Could you perhaps agree times when you do your own thing (you your writing, and he his job search perhaps in different rooms.

If he's a reader and you want to point him at this site we can always move this post into with withdrawn items if you'd rather him not see that you've posted?
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

eYh
Getting settled in
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat May 21, 2016 3:51 am

Re: Marriage and Employment

Postby eYh » Tue May 24, 2016 3:10 am

Hi Tom,

I have my own home office and he isn't ever a bother while I'm working. I ended up with a three bedroom rental though there are only two of us, so he has a 'man cave' as well. I think this is a minimum requirement if both people are at home all the time!

Over the weekend he got some of the supplements recommended for ADHD, and I can see that it is helping him slow down and focus.

Certification on the job is possible, there is a government sponsored program, but some places are so short staffed they can't take the time to have a part or quarter time employee.

I think that you are right about him doing the heavy lifting. I don't mind if he happens to see this. We're quite open with each other - because of the dyspraxia he says he finds subtle emotions or things like sarcasm (I think it was) hard to understand. I've never been one for mind games either, so I doubt he'd even be surprised to know I posted. I should forward it to him. He might have some good insights about other things to help people.

After all, he's dyspraxic, and managed to marry a 'hot babe' like me. lol

Yvonne

eYh
Getting settled in
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat May 21, 2016 3:51 am

Re: Marriage and Employment

Postby eYh » Wed Jun 01, 2016 6:29 pm

Update-
My husband has been taking supplements said to control ADHD symptoms for about a week now and I notice an incredible difference. He says they help his mood swings and concentration as well as staying calm.

Though he does not have a definite diagnosis, they seem to help and for now that's good enough. After our vacation maybe he'll see the Dr, but at the moment his motivation is way up so that's a good thing.

He's suddenly began studying to start learning to drive in Canada so that's a good start. Actually picking a goal and following through seemed nearly impossible until now.

Yvonne


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