please help so stressed new job

[Annymonous]

Hi.Im really struggling at my new job as a nursery assistant so much I keep coming home crying and feeling stressed.Im not qualified in childcare and have extremely bad anxiety and feel my dyspraxia is affecting me.I feel very unsure of what I'm doing all.the time and feel like quitting.I keep making stupid mistakes like yesterday they asked me to go and buy a four pint of milk I thought they said full pint so I brought the wrong size.When the children are doing things outside I struggle with common sense for example rolling up the children sleeves when they play in water .I also can't tye shoelaces and struggle with confidence.I'm struggling so much and have got a doctors appointment booked for my anxiety.I'm crying my eyes out as typing this. I got told last week they thought I was doing well so my hours have increased.they don't know I have dyspraxia as I didn't realise it affected me and the jobs making me very unhappy. I constantly am paranoid the staff are speaking abot how rubbish I am.doing and feel im not good and I don't fit in.i feel like I should quit but than I've let them down and also won't have any money please help thank you

[Tom fod]

Hi Anny

So sorry to read that you're struggling so much right now.

Couple of things to remember. They gave you the job and they said you were doing well. The incident with the milk was an honest misunderstanding and you now know that they tend to get a four pint container of milk.

Going to speak to your GP is a good thing to do equally it would be good to speak to your supervisor to admit you are struggling and worried.

Perhaps you could try practising tying shoelaces on an empty shoe. Equally it might be useful to create some reminder cards to remind you of the different things you need to consider/remember for different activities you help with. It will get better. I think because we are very caring people we have a tendency to feel especially bad even if we have got the smallest thing wrong.

After I cooked my rice this evening I left the gas ring burning and didn't turn it off for a couple of hours. I'm quite annoyed at myself for this as I'm normally very good at remembering to turn it off. No real harm was done and it explained why the room felt warmer, though I was doing my ironing too.

You're not alone and I hope you start to feel better and more confident soon.

All the very best

[Wayward]

I'm sad to hear you feel so bad in the new job.
I think the problem here is confidence - I've been there myself and it's something I still struggle with now. Please try to remember that everyone makes mistakes - they say you're doing well so obviously there are aspects of the job you're great at which you're overlooking

It's not so bad about the shoelaces...
I work in a shoe shop and I struggle with shoelaces a bit. Been there 18 months though, and my lack of shoe tying excellence hasn't caused any issue with my boss.

Something I find helpful is to write down each day for a week two or three things that went well at work, even small things. It helps me remember the things I'm doing well or making a real effort in.

Please don't beat yourself up over the little mistakes.

[Jim]

I think so many of us can relate to feeling over stressed at work.

But I think it's important that you do not beat yourself up over small minor things which you have demonstrated you can put right.

As daft as it sounds you need to try and stop putting pressure on yourself, partly because they will be plenty of other people more than willing to put pressure on you so there is no need to double that pressure.

And do confide to your boss your difficulties, because if you don't then they can't be expected to make any reasonable adjustment for you that might help you cope better.

[Annymonous]

Thank you all for your reply.Today have nothing stopped crying.how do I mention it to my boss thank you

[Tom fod]

Hi again

It's not ever an easy subject to broach and I don't know your boss so it's hard to advise on what you should say. That said they do have a duty of care towards you as an employee. You need to think about what you want to say and also what you want to get out of any meeting to discuss your progress.

Do you wish to continue with the increased hours? What things do you need help and reassurance with? Try to choose a good time to have a chat/discussion about how you're getting on and be prepared to ask about when is a good time and be patient. Are you comfortable about broaching the subject of Dyspraxia with your boss and have you prepared what you want to say? There is not a legal obligation to disclose but a good employer will want to get the best out of you. Focus on how they can help you to be able to do so. Remember You got the job so they do believe in you and they have already decided your useful enough to have around for longer. You've only been there a short while so please give yourself a chance to settle in.

It is in the nursery's and the children's interests that you enjoy the job. Ask about what you do well and for tips on what your colleagues do to prepare for the various tasks/activities. Focus on what needs to be done and making it fun for the children. Try to avoid focusing on your concerns about what the other staff think of you. It is very unlikely to be as bad as you fear. Don't panic that you have no official childcare qualification yet, you were employed as an assistant not an expert.

I really hope next week is better, easier and less stressful for you. Please let us know if you have any more specific questions and we'll try and answer them as best we can. The Dyspraxia Foundation have a helpline 01462 454986 and it may help giving them a call during office hours (Mon-Fri).