I'm about to quit my job.

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Skifflet
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I'm about to quit my job.

Post by Skifflet »

Part of what has made me come to this decision is the amount of stress the job’s causing me- I feel like I’m just barely able to keep it together for the 20-odd hours a week I’m required to stock shelves and serve customers at a till. What has pushed me over the limit of what I feel I can cope with is the way one of my managers treats me. She seems to think I’m lazy and cruising by without putting an acceptable amount of effort in (lol no, I am ****ing trying), that I must constantly be doing something wrong (either out of spite or out of stupidity), that I don’t deserve a fraction of the respect she expects from me and that assuming the worst of me and subjecting me to constant criticism is a productive management tactic.

I think anxiety and depression are playing a part in how stressful this job seems to me and how incapable I find myself of dealing with that, especially since this past couple of years have been pretty challenging for me. Dyspraxia certainly isn’t helping- like the fact that I sometimes struggle to process verbal instructions, have a poor working memory, often can’t work out the “common sense” way to do things on my own, can be clumsy and slow at physical tasks, have a tendency to get overwhelmed and am naturally disorganised (deliberately not going to say “poor organisational skills” because I can and do make use of helpful techniques and I try very hard to be super prepared whenever possible, but that’s never going to make up for a fundamental neurological difference).

I had to disclose in the paperwork any medication I take, which for me includes antidepressants. Other than that, I never talked to anyone there about mental health or neurodiversity. This is the first “permanent” job I’ve had since getting the dyspraxia diagnosis last year, so the first time the prospect of discussing these issues in terms of a disability to be accommodated rather than a list of personal flaws to be hidden as best as possible has been an issue. I decided not to disclose it. I was worried talking about dyspraxia or my mental health would be like me listing a million reasons why no one should ever employ me. I don’t think they could really have done much to work around my problems, and I didn’t know before starting exactly what those problems might be in this particular environment. My plan was just to try my best and hopefully keep any dyspraxia related ****-ups to a minimum. To be honest, I sometimes think part of my reasoning is simply internalised ableism and low self-esteem, plus the fact that I still feel appropriative and overly dramatic suddenly treating what I have experienced all my life as A Disability.

I don’t want to start a dialogue with them about my needs or about the behaviour of a particular staff member. I just want out. If I quit in the next few days, I only have to give them a weeks’ notice. After that it goes up to 4 and I’m not willing to risk staying at a job that makes me this unhappy for another month while trying to work out some other solution.

The bit where I’d like some help:

I don’t know the best way to go about quitting. I’m worrying about the details like who I should address a letter to (it doesn’t help that I can’t remember the particular job titles of the various supervisors/managers), if I can just do it without addressing anyone in particular, if it’s best to do it in writing (which I’d prefer) or verbally. Plus, I don’t know how to word it. I don’t want to get into any detail. I don’t want to make my working environment any more stressful by mentioning Shitty Manager’s role in my decision. I also know I’ll end up working alongside these people for a week after letting them know I’m leaving and I’m dreading any conversation or questions around my reasoning, which I think is going to be more of a problem if I’m too vague in the first place. I’m probably going to get a really bad reference and don’t know how or if I can avoid that. I’m going to have to face Shitty Manager about quitting but I definitely don’t feel able to be honest with her about how she makes me feel, at least not until I never have to step foot in that shop again. If anyone has any advice on how to quit in the smoothest way possible, that would be very much appreciated.

Also, if people have thoughts or experiences that they’d be willing to share of dealing with dyspraxia and employers, that would be really useful too.

Thanks very much.
Captain_Ludd
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Re: I'm about to quit my job.

Post by Captain_Ludd »

Hi Sifflet,

Sounds like your having a really bad time at the mo here’s hoping things get better for you.

With regard to the protocols for quitting most jobs do require written notice of termination of contract as to whom you address it depends on company policy but it’s normally your direct supervisor or manger.

Id take a read through your contract of employment that should give you the info you need, if you've not been there long you may get away with verbal notice I don’t know.
If you don’t want to give exact details you can put something along the lines of "I give notice of termination of my contract of employment owing to personal circumstances", that’s vague enough not to accuse anyone and because its for personal reasons, they cant demand a reason if you really don’t want to give one.

With regard to your manager she sounds like she’s being completely unprofessional and I bit of a bi**ch even if she doesn’t like you and thinks your crap at your job she shouldn’t let it affect your working relationship.

Having said this I do think you should have disclosed your disability I know its hard I've been there my self but I think part of the problem is that people don’t understand your needs cos you don’t tell them.

Sorry if this sounds a little blunt but you (as with me and most other people on this site) have a genuine disability and I may be totally wrong but it sounds like your having trouble accepting that which is feeding your anxiety and depression (again I’m in the anxiety and depression club so I understand what it can be like).

If you decide to quit I think when you start applying for other jobs you need to be honest about your situation and let people know, as you've found out (as have I) trying to hide your disabilities will only turn up to bite you in the arse later.

Don’t get disheartened Id say we've all been there and come out the other side OK just try and take it as a learning experience, I know it sounds glib to say that when it getting you stressed and depressed but its true.
PhilB
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Re: I'm about to quit my job.

Post by PhilB »

I have to agree with Captain Ludd. I'd also add that I think it is worth speaking to your supervisor before handing in your notice. I've been in a similar situation before, though I was undiagnosed at the time and could only tell him that I thought I may be struggling with dyslexia/dyspraxia, and actually my then boss responded very positively. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done, but as a result of that chat I am now working for the same company but in a different location and doing a different role that better utilises the skills that I do have. Granted although he was clearly frustrated with my work, he wasn't being an arsehole beforehand - so it was perhaps that bit easier but even so, I think it is worth a shot. If it makes you feel more comfortable then you could take a letter with you, and if the conversation doesn't get you anywhere then hand it over.
Skifflet
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Re: I'm about to quit my job.

Post by Skifflet »

Thank you so much for the responses. I had gone in to work today with my resignation letter in my bag. When I told one of the other managers there that I was leaving, she seemed suprisingly keen to solve any problems I was having and wanted me to stay on. I did end up talking to her about the crap manager and about dyspraxia (though I hadn't planned on that and didn't give her a great description of what it is and how it affects me). She's told me she's more than willing to try accomodate my needs. I'm not sure what that would involve and how best to work around my difficulties. I'm going to take in some more info on dyspraxia for her to look over in case that's useful. I'm going to try stick with it, hopefully things will be less stressful now.

Captain Ludd- Accepting that I can use the "disabled" label feels really difficult. Part of me thinks I have no right to that word and that I have things way easier than people who are "really disabled". Part of me still thinks I'm just **** at a lot of things and shouldn't deserve anything less than critisism for that. I know that sort of thinking is fucked up though. Dyspraxia vs Low Self Esteem: battle to the death.
Captain_Ludd
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Re: I'm about to quit my job.

Post by Captain_Ludd »

Hi again Skifflet,

So glad to hear things are getting sorted hopefully now some of the pressure will be lifted and you'll start feeling a little, sounds like it had more to do with your mangers attitude than anything you've done.
As for the not accepting your dysparaxia thing as I've said so many times before (sorry if this is getting a tad repetitive but ill keep saying it till people start listening :) ) just cos you cant see the problem doesn't mean its not there that's why its known as a hidden disability.
Your NOT crap at everything and you cant keep beating yourself up about it, sure you'll probably have to work harder than most to get where you wanna be but there's nothing wrong with that its called persistence.
Captain_Ludd
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Re: I'm about to quit my job.

Post by Captain_Ludd »

So glad to hear things are getting sorted hopefully now some of the pressure will be lifted and you'll start feeling a little
Captain_Ludd wrote:So glad to hear things are getting sorted hopefully now some of the pressure will be lifted and you'll start feeling a little
Sorry forgot the better at the end :) :blush:
Tom fod
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Re: I'm about to quit my job.

Post by Tom fod »

Hi Skifflet

Glad to hear things went better than expected and at least one manager is on your side. Look at it as a vote of confidence in your favour. and that you are appreciated even though you probably don't appreciate yourself as much as you should.

I'm equally uncomfortable with the disability label as in the grand scheme of things I have many things to be grateful for just sometimes everything seems to be awkward or is it the way I frame and handle it. Seems also that people can end up being defined by others understanding of what their 'disability' or label says. even trickier with dyspraxia as there is less awareness I've often tended to keep other peoples focus on fact that I have a visual impairment though I have met a few people outside of this forum who've been assessed as dyspraxic.

Try to keep an open mind about help you're offered and do try and appreciate the things you can do well as well as looking at the areas you can do better at and strategies for getting there. Equally if you have any ideas about how things can be improved/made easier for everybody at your place of work don't be afraid to suggest them.

Glad things are looking brighter and please do let us know how you get on.

This might be worth a look too
http://www.dyspraxicadults.org.uk/forum ... f=9&t=2450
Tom
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Robbedmushroom
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Re: I'm about to quit my job.

Post by Robbedmushroom »

Hello Skifflet,

If you do decide to quit try using this resignation letter :)
It worked for me.

Dear ______

After an appropriate period of deliberation, I have come to the decision to tender my resignation from (company name), effective November 10, 2004.

Please know that I still maintain a high level of respect for you as a manager and colleague, and I thank you sincerely for the support and assistance you have offered me in each of those roles. I have been proud to work for (company name) over the past eight years; it has been a journey that has provided me with an unparalleled foundation to move forward to new and exciting opportunities.

As such, I have decided to become a professional pirate. It has always been a dream of mine to live the life of a swashbuckling corsair, beholden to none and master of all I survey. Once my crew of unabashed rogues is assembled, we shall take to the capacious expanse of the high seas to pursue fortune, fame, and hair-raising adventure.

Our path may not be filled with the porcine comforts and technological marvels that (company name) provides, but we shall nonetheless move forward to carve a name for ourselves in the annals of bold insurgency and death-defying derring-do. Once I have a keen blade at my hip and the Jolly Roger is flapping high above me, I believe I will find my true calling.

Please note that I am currently accepting applications for First Officer, if you are at all interested in applying. I will provide a full medical and dental plan, which will offer immediate coverage of all maladies other than scurvy and the occasional bout of rickets.

Sincerely

______

and as for the bad reference, they can't say anything bad about you so try not to worry too much about it.

But I do hope it works out for you :)
Skifflet
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Re: I'm about to quit my job.

Post by Skifflet »

You folks are awesome.

n_n
PhilB
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Re: I'm about to quit my job.

Post by PhilB »

Hi Skifflet,

I'm glad that you had the chance to talk to someone at work, and that it went fairly well. When I got a report with my diagnosis it included a load of things that employers could do to accomodate - I don't know if you have anything similar? Even if you don't the Dyspraxia Foundation do a guide for employers that looks pretty good to me, click on 'download The Employer's Guide' at the bottom of this page -> http://www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/s ... roject.php. If you are struggling to articulate your problems it may help.

Due to the variable nature of dyspraxia it doesn't affect everyone in the same way. So, if you do use the guide above it's worth having a look through and highlighting the things that you know are an issue. Start from there and then add in any additional concerns that they have.

One of the things that I have found is that my self perceived issues are not the ones that concern my employer. Even if it's a struggle I'm aware of them and work round them, and the employer only sees the finished product not the struggle I've had to get there. it's the ones that you don't even notice because you've always thought/done things a certain way that can catch you out.

Hope it all works out well for you.
Skifflet
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Re: I'm about to quit my job.

Post by Skifflet »

Thanks for the response. I got diagnosed through an educational psychologist, the only recommendations included in that were specific to an educational setting. And thanks for linking the employer’s guide- I had a look through but I don’t really want to use that, for a few reasons-
  • It’s really, really long. I wouldn’t expect my bosses to get through all of that just for the parts that are relevant to me.

    It has lots of case studies of people who’s experiences are fairly different from mine. I wouldn’t want people to get the wrong idea about what my specific strengths and weaknesses are.

    Most of the advice for employers refer to office jobs. I work in a shop. Most of the information isn’t particularly relevant to my situation.
I wrote up some info, using the Dyspraxic Foundation’s “Dyspraxia in adults” section to make sure I covered everything. In case this is useful for anyone else, or if anyone has any suggestions before I hand this in tomorrow, here’s what I’ve written:

A Definition of “Dyspraxia”

“Developmental dyspraxia is an impairment or immaturity of the organisation of movement. It is an immaturity in the way that the brain processes information, which results in messages not being properly or fully transmitted. The term dyspraxia comes from the word praxis, which means 'doing, acting'. Dyspraxia affects the planning of what to do and how to do it. It is associated with problems of perception, language and thought.”
-The Dyspraxia Foundation

How it affects me as an employee

Gross motor co-ordination skills:

I’m slightly prone to tripping and bumping into things, but not to an extent that inhibits my mobility, especially on even ground.

Fine motor co-ordination skills:

I feel confident enough handling stock, using a fish-knife, operating tills etc but would not feel comfortable with more dexterous tasks like carrying full glasses and cups in the café.

My handwriting can be quite difficult to read, unless I take particular time and care with it. For filling in time sheets and price stickers, I don’t think there’s a problem, but if I’m required to write a large amount of text, I would prefer to use a computer.

Speech and language:

I can find it a little difficult to understand speech, especially if people speak particularly quickly, face away from me, have an accent I’m not used to or if there is a lot of background noise. I might ask people to repeat themselves from time to time.

I prefer explicit, literal communication and am less able to pick up information from non-verbal or contextual cues. I appreciate clear, unambiguous instructions.

In conversation, I feel I sometimes struggle to structure my sentences in a way that makes sense and gets my meaning across, especially when stressed or unsure. I find phone calls particularly difficult (and PA announcements). When I have to make calls at home, I often write out what I’d like to say with the content and sentence structure planned out in advance. I’m less likely to stumble over words and I feel less stressed or afraid of saying the wrong thing. If I need to use the phone at work, I would like the opportunity to plan the conversation in advance if possible. I have already used the tanoy system in this way, with a short script to refer to if needed, as well as having the right number to dial written down.

Perception:

I’m slightly over-sensitive to sound, light, touch, smell, taste, temperature and pain and can find some sensations unpleasant or overwhelming. This is generally not a problem unless I am meant to be working in a particularly noisy or bright (etc.) environment.

I may get stressed out and have trouble focussing if I feel momentarily overwhelmed with sensory information- for example, if there is a lot of background noise and several people try to talk to me at once.

I have trouble visualising or estimating “amounts” of abstract things, like how much time something will take, what approximate distance separates two places or what an object weighs in a certain unit of measurement.

I have a poor sense of direction and have difficulty learning the layout of new places.

Learning, thought and memory:

Planning sequences of actions and visualising spatial relationships is difficult for me. Because of this, I sometimes have trouble working out the best order to do things in. I may not foresee a problem coming up that others may have thought to be common sense. This could result in me having to take several attempts to get a task done right. Alternatively, I may get anxious about potential unforeseen problems and spend longer than most people trying to create a plan in my head that I’m happy with before starting a task.

Decision-making can be more stressful for me than for most people- even (or especially) if it seems arbitrary since there’s no clear right or wrong option.

I work faster when I’m sure of what I’m meant to be doing and when I’m relatively confident that I’m not making some mistake.

I have a poor short-term memory. This is more of an issue when I’m stressed or experiencing an overload of information.

I am not good at taking in and remembering lots of verbal instructions at once. I would prefer to have tasks broken down with instructions for each stage given at staggered intervals. Alternatively, I would be happy to work through a longer series of instructions if I could have them written down to refer to later.

In general, I would like to have any important information that I may need in the future provided in written/typed form, or to have the opportunity to write it down myself as I am given it.

Further Information

http://www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk – The Dyspraxia Foundation
http://www.danda.org.uk – The Developmental Adult Neuro-Diversity Association
hannamarin
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Re: I'm about to quit my job.

Post by hannamarin »

before doing smth, I propose you to read http://resumeperk.com/blog/15-common-re ... -quit-jobs and get to know why people quit their jobs!a
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