Intense Intolerance

A place to talk about your experience of living with Dyspraxia

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Elsa
New member - welcome them!
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jan 25, 2018 8:09 am

Intense Intolerance

Post by Elsa »

Hi all,
Not sure if I have posted here before, although I made an account about 4 years back, which was when I got diagnosed. Want to know if a certain problem I face is part of dyspraxia or just how I am.

I feel intensely intolerant to anything I don't like, no matter how important it is. For example, I do exceptionally well at uni (to the point of obsession) because I am naturally interested in my chosen subject, and look up material and do work way advanced for my level etc. However, none of that work matters unless I can write them down in the final report, and I can write brilliant reports too. However, I HATE writing reports. I just can't start, it's like I am in some sort of intellectual pain. Whenever I get myself to write them, I am usually crying while I type. The first two years of uni, I somehow managed, but eventually it was too much for me, until I actually had to threaten myself with suicide or self-harm to make myself do it, and felt so pathetic. I spoke to someone at uni about this, and they think maybe I can only focus on tasks where I can learn something new or interests me.

This affects all areas of my life. I can't stand it if people talk to me about things I am not interested in or ask me questions I think are irrelevant. Example: someone asks me what I had for breakfast and I don't see the logic of why they need to know, so I just change the topic even if they press me. It might be easier to just tell them and move on, but I find myself incapable of just saying it because it doesn't make sense to me. If it's a friend who knows me enough to not be offended, I'll just say "irrelevant" like a robot.

I also can't take a shower or clean my room or send an email or just about anything unless I expressly feel like it and it takes an immense amount of willpower if not and all of this constant willpowering makes me quite tired. I am taking a gap year after uni just to recover. I don't see how I can ever get or keep a job if I am like this despite my academic achievements. Does anyone else here experience this, or have overcome this, or know how to?

Thanks in advance to everyone who replies :)
Tom fod
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Re: Intense Intolerance

Post by Tom fod »

A lot of people don't really know what to say or how to say it so may try to fill silence with inane smaĺl talk. You could indulge them with a full run down or just say I had this what did you have? Now **** or get off the pot.

I find I have a tendency to put things off if I am worried or vexed by them. I will also inwardly curse myself for not getting them done and worry too. There are even things I'm passionate about which I have not got round to doing yet as I'm too busy thinking bout 1001 other things and get distracted. Your post suggests you may have some degree of depression/anxiety which it can be hard to break out of.
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
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Elsa
New member - welcome them!
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jan 25, 2018 8:09 am

Re: Intense Intolerance

Post by Elsa »

Tom fod wrote: Sun Aug 12, 2018 7:21 pm A lot of people don't really know what to say or how to say it so may try to fill silence with inane smaĺl talk. You could indulge them with a full run down or just say I had this what did you have? Now **** or get off the pot.
:lol: It is true. I have a phobia of sort for talkative ones - the kind that can talk on and on with nary a breath in between, hopping on from one topic to the next with no intention of stopping. It makes me drowsy and have to sleep at least half a day to recover.
Tom fod wrote: Sun Aug 12, 2018 7:21 pm I find I have a tendency to put things off if I am worried or vexed by them. I will also inwardly curse myself for not getting them done and worry too. There are even things I'm passionate about which I have not got round to doing yet as I'm too busy thinking bout 1001 other things and get distracted. Your post suggests you may have some degree of depression/anxiety which it can be hard to break out of.
Yes, sometimes it's more annoying to put off work that you actually like.

I do suffer from anxiety, not sure about depression. I am working on the former by trying to think positively and confronting negative thoughts that cause anxiety etc. It's just, I don't get what puts me off certain things so much and so I don't know how to get over it. I have lost so many opportunities just because I can't stand filling forms or writing personal statements. Doing those tasks feel just as bad as it would if someone put a gun to head and forced me to eat something disgusting :-& Hope working on anxiety in general will eventually change my perspective/attitude towards them.
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