Just wondering...

[Animal lover]

Hello all,

I'm new to this forum, I've only snooped so far, so I thought I'd add to the feed. I've recently found out I'm dyspraxic at 25 years old, however I was diagnosed at 7/8 years old. I found out I had dyspraxia when I attended an appointment concerning a problem with my knee, and the doctor was reading off my history and she said I had dyspraxia. I was like uh..what? So anyway it turns out my parents have known for about 17 years that I have this and they chose to keep it from me because they didn't want me to 'use it as an excuse' or 'be singled out'. Ive been finding it a bit difficult to process but at the same time I feel like a weight has been lifted cause I finally know what's wrong with me! Or why I'm so unique! A part of me is like fair enough, so that was their decision and I guess I worked so much harder in life because I spent it comparing myself to others. Plus I never have let it define me. But then a part of me is also like well you could have told me when I got old enough to understand! Anyway I just wanted to ask if anyone else had the same experience?! Cause most stories I've read were adults having a difficult time trying to get diagnosed.

[Ditsy]

Hello,

I never got my diagnosis as a child although my parents knew there were major problems with my coordination etc and felt something was very wrong however they did not allow this to stop them expecting the same out of me as my siblings.
So although I cannot imagine what it must be like to find out you had a diagnosis and not be told as a child, I guess the one thing that would make your experience the same as a lot of us diagnosed as adults as that we were all as young people dealing with the unknown. I am also an animal lover my family has three dogs two cats and two rabbits keeps me pretty busy.

Best
Ditsy

[Animal lover]

Hey,

Thank you so much for your reply. I know what you mean about wanting to do the same things as siblings, my mum always wanted me to be able to do things everyone else could do. Like i said, it made me a lot stronger as a person not knowing, as I had to push myself much harder to 'fit in'.

I have 2 rabbits and a kitten, they are a handful!

[Tom fod]

Hi and welsome. An interesting question this and I feel I want to share my experience/thoughts on the topic (WARNING I do go on, so feel free to ignore this long post 8-)

I think my diagnosis must have come when I was being assessed for a statement of Special Educational Need, while I was in year 9 (aged about 14). I can't ever recall Dyspraxia being mentioned by either my teachers or parents and most of the help I received was focused towards my relatively mild visual impairment and I must admit I could have managed with standard sized print on A4 as I hated the fact it marked me out as different to my classmates. It was only in recent years that I learned about Dyspraxia and that in some ways I fitted the mould and as a result found myself here.

To my recollection, I don't believe the facts were deliberately kept from me or indeed, if I was told, I do wonder if I was just not listening/didn't want to hear. (though I think I would have remembered.) Suffice to say I've always had the feeling that I'm different, though I'm now better able to accept that can sometimes be a good thing too!

To my mind, Dyspraxia and its personal relevance for/to me has never been satisfactorily explained (Is it really possible to explain it adequately?) I do feel some regret that I went through life aware I was different and experiencing no shortage of unhappiness, both before and then during the process of learning about and trying to reconcile why it was I was different and the fear I experienced with regard to how others might react to me having this condition/label.

I haven't really ever discussed Dyspraxia with my parents or brother. Mum died earlier this year and It's not really the sort of thing I'd find easy to broach with Dad. I've always strived hard to appear 'as normal' as possible and wan't to be recognised for the stuff I'm good at and for people to appreciate I'm perfectly aware of my faults and difficulties so they've no need to point them out as they're quite apparent enough to me already, I'm doing the best I can and I will listen to constructive ideas if phrased sensitively.

Overall I think we can cautiously say that awareness is slowly improving but sadly not in all quarters and there are still people out there who are resistant to accepting our differences and unwilling to allow us the flexibility and support to help us find our feet. I suppose in some ways we need to be more open but that is not always easy and we're all individuals.

[Animal lover]

Thank you Tom for your reply. I guess the question I was really asking was, was it okay for my parents to keep such a big thing from me? I've had a very in depth discussion with my mother, where she explained the reasons for not telling me. I think she just wanted me to roll over and accept that it doesnt matter now and that its irrelevant, as I am who I am and always will be. But its hard to accept when you've spent your whole life struggling and being so different to everbody else. She says that everybody has their strengths and weaknesses and I'm no different to anyone else. But I think dyspraxia is different. If someone is bad at maths, it's accepted, they aren't 'weird', they're just bad at maths and they need a little more help than everyone. Same applies to being bad at football or cooking. But there are certain aspects of dyspraxia that if noticed by someone, you can be considered strange. For example the directional side of things. whenever somebody asks me the way to somewhere or even the way to my own house, I have to say I don't know. What 25 year old doesn't know how to get to their own house?! that's when you are seen as different and not just 'having a weakness' in something. its kind of hard to explain really. But ive made my peace with the not knowing and I dont want to feel mad or disappointed with my mum because it was a hard decision to make and i respect that. I've managed without support and i've developed my own coping mechanisms, so I dont think ive done too badly considering! If I were to give advice to parents now however, I would say tell your child. Not so that they can be molly coddled or use it as an excuse in life. but so that when they are old enough to realise that they're 'different', they understand why, and dont develop the impression that they are stupid or not good enough. - Which i often did.
Now I know I'm a brilliant and clever indidvidual, it's just my brain wires are a bit muddled

[Tom fod]

Hi again

I guess it is possibly one thing you may never be able to agree on entirely but it sounds like you are coming to terms with the way your mum chose to handle the knowledge even if you don't wholly agree and would do things differently yourself.

I guess in many ways attitudes have changed and awareness has improved, even so, there will always be room for improvement as some people seem unwilling, even resistant, to accepting that while we're different, we can be capable too even if our dyspraxic ways can sometimes give others cause not to give us the benefit of the doubt.

When asked for directions it's ok to say I'm sorry I don't know or I believe you need to head in that direction but please ask someone else as I'm really not familiar. Of course being a man I will always think I know despite evidence to the contrary and asking somebody for directions is an absolute last resort.

[Ditsy]

I totally relate to what you are saying animal lover about directing people to your own house.I am capable of getting lost in a building even, but places like the hospital or an airport are a nightmare and can cause me to break out in a sweat, even if someone tells me and points in the right direction, I cannot understand road signs and lane changes so avoid driving in very busy inner city areas( learning to drive was a nightmare but I had a driving instructor who did not give up on me.) I cannot not even work out the train and bus routes unless I go with someone first,
I recently had to go to a medical apportionment in a new area by train very early in the morning and then walk about 10 minutes,
my whole family were worried I would get completely lost my two daughters one is at uni and my dear old mum had there phones within arms reach.
when i found out i had dyspraxia i was told my perceptual reasoning was in the bottom 10 percent of the population,Which explained why all my life Iwould get so stressed when i went to a new place, a building, car park you name it, it is like a maze to me and to add to my Frustrations I have slow visual processing which causes problems with ticket machines for trains buses and car parks. I tend to go to the same places so can familiarize myself with these things.I used to hold up the queue and be in panic mode while other people rolled there eyes behind me.my fine motor skills and gross motor skills stink to put it politely but I unconsciously my whole life had been using my verbal skills to compensate, as I had no choice so I have no hesitation to approach people and ask questions not because I ENJOY it but because it was my survival mechanism to get by.
So I think we all have developed real strengths sometimes that we didn't know till we found out we had dyspraxia.
gosh I have gone ON hope its not to boring but I do find it hard to let go of a topic sometimes.

[Animal lover]

haha, no it's fine, as you can see from my previous post I tend to ramble on too! For me directions has always been a massively stressful thing, from being very little. at school i would often get lost and get quite upset because I never knew where i was going and the teachers would usually tell me off which never helped - only made me more nervous. As for driving thats hell too, I managed to pass my test fortunately I had a very patient and understanding driving instructor who stuck with me. Now though i dont really drive much because I don't really know the route to anywhere and i just get panicky. I also used my own coping strategies to help myself, if i was lost in town and I had forgotten the way back to the bus station I would stop and say to someone that I wasn't from the area so I didn't know the way when i found out I had dyspraxia I was like oooooooooh. That makes sense now haha!

[poodlelover81]

But there are certain aspects of dyspraxia that if noticed by someone, you can be considered strange. For example the directional side of things. whenever somebody asks me the way to somewhere or even the way to my own house, I have to say I don't know. What 25 year old doesn't know how to get to their own house?! that's when you are seen as different and not just 'having a weakness' in something. its kind of hard to explain really.

Oh my goodness! I thought I was the only one.