Not defined by a label

A place to talk about your experience of living with Dyspraxia

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JamesAnthony91
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Not defined by a label

Post by JamesAnthony91 »

I know that Dyspraxia can affect people, and can make things difficult, I know this as someone who's lived with Dyspraxia my whole life. What annoys me, are people who use it as an excuse not to try new things, not to get involved in sports. I know that in some countries it can be difficult. Dyspraxia is something, that if found out, can get people thrown out of the military. That isn't to say that there have not been Dyspraxic soldiers, that there are not soldiers with undiagnosed or well hidden Dyspraxia, but with so many people in the system using it to judge people by the label rather than as individuals with their own strengths and weaknesses, I know that it can upset people or cause a lapse in confidence, when there's no effort to judge people with labels on a person by person basis.

The truth is that there could be athletes in mainstream sports, and officers in some branch of the armed forces, that have Dyspraxia. Sadly, what people read about online are the severe cases, and a lot of athletes are described as being Paralympians rather than being able to compete against "able bodied" athletes. Though it might take you a lifetime to find good news about Dyspraxia because of the cynical, bleak, and ableist nature of the internet, the truth is that you can compete against and even do better than athletes who don't have Dyspraxia. Just think about the rather sadistic ableism that's spread to set up people to fail. I mean, read up on David Bailey, someone not diagnosed as a child and therefore not subject to learned helplessness and figurative castration(those two things I've always been too stubborn to let happen, the system is a sick joke.) He not only served in the Royal Air Force, but, he also got autographs from RAF Officers. Think of the satire, that, nowadays, the mere label of Dyspraxia can stop people from even being conscripted into the military, as if they're old and lame. I know that severity and symptoms differ, that some truly do struggle with physical feats, but I find it satirical that it's the label alone that can halt ambitions, in an age where people aren't even given the chance to prove themselves, where effort and proof don't matter, where tabs kept on us by governments and what "professionals" say about us matters than the unpredictable nature of human potential.
Ram
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Re: Not defined by a label

Post by Ram »

While I agree with the general sentiment of the label to some degree, you have made a few arguments which, with due respect, I think are somewhat flawed. In places, they even come across as judgmental and insulting even though that probably was not your intention. I also totally disagree with your idea that dyspraxic people might perform better without a diagnosis. Therefore, I have decided to write this rebuttal to some of your points.

You said that you get annoyed with people using dyspraxia as an excuse not to do sports. I really feel that is an unfair thing to say. Let me tell you in the next few paragraphs why I, quite reasonably, gave up hope of ever being able to do sports 25 years ago.

During my school days, in the late 70s and early 80s (more than 20 years before my diagnosis), like nearly all boys, I always wanted to do well at sports. However, despite my best efforts, all I got was frustration and ridicule. In other words, the usual name calling like "retard" and "spaz" etc.

After leaving school, I still wanted to prove myself by succeeding at sports and joined several sports clubs. I hoped that adults would be kinder. However, I was wrong.

I was indirectly forced out of a karate club by an instructor who would never speak to me but would speak about me and my performance critically to other members of the club in front of me. Furthermore, at the age of 25 (still 13 years before diagnosis), I was directly kicked out of a volleyball club by one of the leaders. His actual words to me after I had been struggling to master the game were, "Just f***g hit the ball. If you can't f***g do any better than that, you're f***g well wasting everyone's f'***g time by coming here. And I'm not f***g joking"

Unfortunately, my experience with sports is not atypical for dyspraxics. It is understandable why sports have psychologically scarred us. Therefore, I hope that you understand that sport is an emotionally sensitive issue for many dyspraxics and will consequently be a tad more sensitive when you discuss the matter on this website in the future.

You also talk of dyspraxics underperforming in life due to diagnosis giving them a sense of "learned helplessness". I have had this feeling for a long time. But it has not cause by diagnosis but by years of academic and occupational disappointment prior to assessment that have chipped away at my self-confidence.

To cut a long story short, I'm sure I was the hardest working person at school. Because of my poor performance at sports, I felt the need to prove myself in other ways. However, I never perfomed better than average and was firmly told by my teachers at the age of 16 that I needed to lower my ambitions since I was not cut out for academic work. I determinedly set out to prove them wrong, but unfortunately my A-level results showed that they were right. 20 years later I found out that undiagnosed dyspraxia and dyslexia were the reasons for this disappointing performance.

I then tried to prove myself in the "university of life." However, things were no better there because of my undiagnosed dyspraxia and dyslexia. I was fired from a series of clerical, factory and customer facing jobs despite trying hard to succeed. Again this happened because my undiagnosed dyspraxia and dyslexia meant that I could not perform quickly and accurately enough to meet the job requirements.

All in all, my negative expereinces caused by dyspraxia despite my best efforts are pretty typical. Dyspraxia can really wreck a person's life especially if, like me, they don't have any redeeming features. It is understandable, therefore, if they get somewhat despondent about life after struggling and failing at everything they try. Not being diagnosed in such a situation, in my opinion, makes it far worse since you don*t know what is going wrong. You even may develop intense feelings of guilt and self-loathing. In addition, there is the raised risk of you being the "black sheep" of the family.

Please forgive me if I have come across as somewhat abrasive in my comments. I also realise that I may have made a "straw man" of your arguments in places. I would also like to say that I do respect your right to air your opinions on this subject matter no matter how strongly I disagree with you.
Tom fod
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Re: Not defined by a label

Post by Tom fod »

I too was rather discouraged by/turned off sport having encountered similar types of people to Ram. If you have sufficient passion and determination it has been shown it is possible to compete on merit and prove the nay sayers wrong by matching or even beating them at their own game.

Obtaining a 'diagnosis' can be helpful for some who have been unaware of why they are different and have come to hate themselves for not being able to be 'normal'. Even if you can obtain a formal diagnosis there isn't a set of keys to unlock doors and make everything easy. We're very much left to our own devices to make our own way in the world as best we can. I went through a range of emotions after learning I was dyspraxic/had dyspraxic tendencies, elation (so that's why) fear (so what now, how will my friends and peers react) denial (well I don't fit this criteria or that one) and acceptance (well I am who I am; so this isn't working to plan, is there another way?; I need to ask for help/advice, I've tried but it's not gone well, Is there another way we can try?; Is this really necessary/worthwhile? Is there an easier/better solution; do it yourself then!). These are various examples and I appreciate that they are personal and that even with the dyspraxia label we are certainly not all the same.

Doing things differently is not always necessarily wrong and we can discover things no one else has even thought to look for. We just need to find people who will see us as individuals and offer us the chance and the freedom to contribute in our own unique way. Dyspraxia does present us with 'glass ceilings' which can painful and difficult or nigh impossible to break through. We have to fight not only our own, but also peoples expectations and idea of what we are capable/not capable of which can and is exhausting.

I can think of scenarios whereby a 'typical dyspraxic' would struggle in a military environment but not everyone is typical and we do have and need surprising amounts of determination. We've had members here who have served in the military or other organisations run on a similar training ethos.
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
JamesAnthony91
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Re: Not defined by a label

Post by JamesAnthony91 »

I think I can respond to both replies at the same time, since by the latter(Tom) I was interpreted correctly, and by the former(Ram), I was SLIGHTLY misunderstood. I think that Dyspraxia has a range of symptoms, that not everyone shares. Severity also differs. I am just too proud to let anything stop me, and I am quite coordinated and talented at certain sports, and I am capable of athletic feats. I know this because I at one point had to prove that I could. I guess that there are more severe cases than others, my case just doesn't hinder me as much as it might hinder some people. I know that a diagnosis can help, I wish I got that diagnosis at a much earlier age than 12, and I resent not being given the chance to use a laptop, instead dealing with teachers saying "your handwriting brings A grade work down to a D, in large part because those grading it can't read most of what you've put down." That kind of stuff drove me nuts in my teens, my writing truly was terrible, and even with the diagnosis, my school didn't provide what I needed, because my handwriting truly was horrible back then...just horrible.

Don't get me wrong, I hate myself in some ways. I truly hate myself, like if you've seen Venture Bros, it is Rusty Venture tier self hate at times, because I have been put down my whole life. My only point is that it seems suspect that people with Dyspraxia have served without much issue in militaries, yet in some armed forces, it's not only a disqualification, it's sneered at as if those in the military are Spartans(lol) that think they have the right to look down on people. I guess this shouldn't concern me, since I'm too anti-authoritarian to deal with inflexible military structures and I don't like the idea of being anything other than free, to go where I want without permission. I guess I'd deal with it if I believed in what modern militaries stand for, but there are decorated veterans opposed to the actions of their nation's armed forces for reasons, reasons I agree with, though I would take up arms and fend off an invasion if ever my nation was in any danger, and would certainly not wait for permission to kill someone who tries harming people I love such as a girlfriend, or, if I am ever a father, my child. I am simply against being judged solely by the label, when in fact we are all individuals, and therefore should be given full rights, and judged on a person-by-person basis, rather than as a label.

It's like the autism argument. There are CEOs on the spectrum. One, diagnosed as both mentally retarded and autistic as a three year old, who goes by the name of John R. Hall, not only worked through his teens and early 20's while in college, he also obtained his degree, and has studied up to doctorate level, and is the BOSS of his own company, not something his mom or dad has to help him with as he lives at home jabbering about what are labelled "special interests", instead of just interests like they would be called for anyone not on the spectrum, but he does have a wife and an adorable child who is also on the spectrum. There's also Rosalind Bergemann, someone diagnosed later in life with Aspergers, who has been and still succeeds in being, a woman leading in the business consultant industry. Yet, I see people with Aspergers like "I'm so useless, I hate myself" all the time, and people feed into that, they always go on about how people with autism are weak or prey animals(when not considered dangerous incompetents), while any positives linked with autism are put down, and any allusions to historical figures having it are argued against with foaming at the mouth insanity. As a tangent, while I agree that dead people cannot be diagnosed with autism or any related disorder, they also cannot be said to have not been autistic, and the efforts people go to arguing against leaders of historical significance being on the spectrum...is rather silly, and thinly veiled bigotry. It's saying "how dare you dirty their images by comparing them to THOSE failures who could never be great men or women...how dare you!!??" I get it, people with disorders struggle, I get it, I see and hear about it all the time and I struggled as a child with my Dyspraxia. I think that with all the negative stereotypes, with autism and other disabilities being synonymous with "faggot" for crass fools online, it might not hurt to look at what atypical people can achieve, whether you consider them diseased or different, I think it might be good to not be sorry for ourselves, and look at the good, because trust me: the bad is everywhere. We all know about the bad. Enough. Some good is needed, and I say rebellion against the status quo is needed, and I hope some people at least understand, even if they don't approve, of my two cents on the issue.

I hate myself enough, so, sometimes I just like to look at the positives, and I won't be dragged down by the low self esteem of others. I am far from helpless, I know that from experience, and I am as much of a man as any other man, "able" or "disabled." I hate myself, but, I love myself too. When I'm being honest, I know that I tend to be the "black sheep", so, just remember I'm not telling other people what to do, I'm just saying I've dealt with my disability and even wrote about how it fucked up my grades, because nobody could understand a thing I was writing, it was that bad, I cringed when I found my secondary school notebooks...just...I've dealt with what I am bad at, but I think that people need to break out of negative thinking. It's bad for you physically and mentally, so, look at what you're talented at instead of what you're bad at, like I have discovered from doing things. I mean, Dyspraxia is linked to strategic thinking and creativity, things I've noticed. This has also contributed to my leadership skills. Dyspraxia, because of how we have to compensate for it, can in fact also contribute to skills necessary for leadership, and I have put those skills to use in getting results from people. Am I completely alone with the self confidence I have, anyone else have anything other than the usual doom and gloom? My entire youth has been doom and gloom, so, I really just roll my eyes at it by now. This isn't aimed at anyone, this is aimed at people in general who don't TRY and bend over and accept others telling them "you're not able." I say, if you aren't able to do something, that's fair enough, but people should be given the SAME CHANCES to try. Nobody can do everything, everyone's bad at something. That's all I have to say on the issue, and will not respond further, but I am open to being friends with anyone on here as long as they don't think having Dyspraxia makes us any lesser than others. I'm just trying to stand up for us, we should be a community...doesn't anyone agree?
JamesAnthony91
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Re: Not defined by a label

Post by JamesAnthony91 »

I'd go as far as saying...and have told friends, that I'm PROUD of being Dyspraxic. It causes atypical thinking. I know that everyone's expected to be the same, I could almost see some authoritarian western government going as far as making us all wear grey jumpsuits, and maybe making anyone who's different wear an identifying star or something else that pinpoints HOW we're different, but I have a few opinions on why diversity, why "weirdos", are a good thing. Look at genetics...inbreeding, breeds in weaknesses. Diversity is a necessity. That's why atypical minds are a good thing, if put to use. I don't care what "normal" people think. How much better are those considered model citizens? The types who become Politicians and were perfect in terms of grading by the system. The world is in tatters, because more than a century ago, steps were taken to isolate and ostracize differences...aberrations. The end point? Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four seeming more like an accurate prediction, than fiction. To thrive in this system in the usual way, is to be a cog in an inefficient and doomed to collapse machine. I see no good that comes out of sucking off those deemed "typical" or "model citizens", I don't think anyone's better than me, though I know my label of Dyspraxia does limit my rights to employment in certain areas, even when I am capable. I am not saying I want every job there is, but I find it appalling that a label can be used to disqualify a person from any form of employment(the army and probably the fire service) without being fairly assessed or tested for competence in whatever field a person might be disqualified from. It's as farcical as homosexuals being disqualified from some areas of work, it is pure bigotry. Everyone should get the chance to be processed for suitability. If they're not suitable, fair enough, but a label should be used to help people, not to put them in chains or as a sign to shut a door in their faces.
trueblue42
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Re: Not defined by a label

Post by trueblue42 »

This is a very good issue to discuss and I'd just like to say that I love every post that has been made so far. I have nothing to add of my own that hasn't already been said by you guys.
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