My depressing story...

[AdamPD]

Well I think it's depressing.

I'm 35 right now.

I was never officially diagnosed with Dyspraxia, as far as I know anyways, I have a very poor memory, I don't remember much of anything from my childhood, only significant negative events.

My earliest recollection something wasn't right, was I couldn't walk properly when I was a child, at least according to my mum
So I requested a copy of my medical records and the doctor at the time, put down in his diagnosis "Adam is an obese, clumsy child"
So I guess at that time, it wasn't officially recognised, or he didn't have a clue
I was sent to a special early learning centre a few times a week, to work on my physical inability to walk in a straight line and other things, like handwriting tasks

Unfortunatly such "special attention" made me a prime target for bullies and this started at an early age right through to adulthood, including abuse from my "dear" brother.

I couldn't write properly, play games or do sports properly, was always bumping into things and what broke my heart at a young age, was I just couldn't read sheet music, nor play anything even semi advanced on the piano, my hands just couldn't coordinate when it involved playing different patterns
I could practice the same piece of music 100 times, but would always mess it up, everytime.

I tried to learn to drive, but I was told early on I would be a danger on the road, my spatial awareness and fine motor skills/reaction skills, are terrible.
So, I've never driven a car, which has made lift even harder.

Even now I get very overwhelmed with semi complex instructions or directions, I went on holiday to a forest cabin retreat last November, which involved switching two trains on the way there, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack and I Was going to screw it up somehow.

I've gotten lost in this town a few times despite living here all my life, lol

I was apparently born underweight and premature, which I read may be a cause of Dyxpraxia, I really wish there was a cure for it, being able to do things that normal people take for granted, would be awesome.

[morgank82]

Hey Adam,
I'm 34 , and I got dianozed when I was about 6 to 8 years old. My Dr pretty much was the same . I got pernounced mute and dumb , that was his answer to us( meaning my parents and i) I was so unique that they wrote couple chapters on there studies about me as a child. Yes I got the guinea pig treatment in return they did a ct scan and finally came to a conclusion I had a rare disorder.
They proud me and poked and hours and hours in a white room with a one way mirror window for them to look at me while I was doing there puzzles etc. I was terrified lol. That was my main and still is my negative thoughts. I can't get it out of my head. To know they treat me different like an object not a scared child.

Well I was bulied, sling shot band around my kneck, cuz I could not say stop it with out studering. When the bullies ask me to say it. Then I got in trouble cuz I was late cuz of taking care of the welts on my neck; I had to sit by my self cuz after that situation I could not keep up with my school .
It took me years and years of practice so I can bet my self a steam up . And by god it was kind a miracle I did do what they said I could never do.

But just recently my dyspraxica kicked in high gear and came back bringing dypression anxiety with it, cuz of a job site I was working on , they labeled me and belittled me cuz of the way I do things. And tried to get rid of me, it took all my effort to go to school to become a deckhand and succeed in the schooling. All that time , and it only took 5 years of manulipatation and discouraging , for me to shut down again and let my dyspraxica take a hold. I felt ashamed , embraced , and the feeling I should know better why why and why.

I'm trying to get better for I am deprest with high anxiety with social and just general , for me to work and be successful with out me glitch in up on my nerves or my nerves shutdown.
They have no help at all over hear, Sept the mental health centre, which I go to every week or 2.
I feel trapped cuz I'm soposed to get better, but they don't know how to go upon this disorder or where to start Sept keep giving me pills, that makes me feel horrible and a roller coaster.
I ask for a ot but they come slim here because of the lack of medicare now in bc. All I can is hope my friend and u should do the same although day to day everyday is crisis or feels like your alone.
Take care
Thanks for sharing your similar story

[morgank82]

Hey Adam,
I'm 34 , and I got dianozed when I was about 6 to 8 years old. My Dr pretty much was the same . I got pernounced mute and dumb , that was his answer to us( meaning my parents and i) I was so unique that they wrote couple chapters on there studies about me as a child. Yes I got the guinea pig treatment in return they did a ct scan and finally came to a conclusion I had a rare disorder.
They proud me and poked and hours and hours in a white room with a one way mirror window for them to look at me while I was doing there puzzles etc. I was terrified lol. That was my main and still is my negative thoughts. I can't get it out of my head. To know they treat me different like an object not a scared child.

Well I was bulied, sling shot band around my kneck, cuz I could not say stop it with out studering. When the bullies ask me to say it. Then I got in trouble cuz I was late cuz of taking care of the welts on my neck; I had to sit by my self cuz after that situation I could not keep up with my school .
It took me years and years of practice so I can bet my self a steam up . And by god it was kind a miracle I did do what they said I could never do.

But just recently my dyspraxica kicked in high gear and came back bringing dypression anxiety with it, cuz of a job site I was working on , they labeled me and belittled me cuz of the way I do things. And tried to get rid of me, it took all my effort to go to school to become a deckhand and succeed in the schooling. All that time , and it only took 5 years of manulipatation and discouraging , for me to shut down again and let my dyspraxica take a hold. I felt ashamed , embraced , and the feeling I should know better why why and why.

I'm trying to get better for I am deprest with high anxiety with social and just general , for me to work and be successful with out me glitch in up on my nerves or my nerves shutdown.
They have no help at all over hear, Sept the mental health centre, which I go to every week or 2.
I feel trapped cuz I'm soposed to get better, but they don't know how to go upon this disorder or where to start Sept keep giving me pills, that makes me feel horrible and a roller coaster.
I ask for a ot but they come slim here because of the lack of medicare now in bc. All I can is hope my friend and u should do the same although day to day everyday is crisis or feels like your alone.
Take care
Thanks for sharing your similar story

[Tom fod]

Hi Adam and welcome

It's all relative but it's not wrong or unusual to feel depressed and I expect many people here can tell you similar stories, I can certainly empathise with you about not driving as I can't either. Reliance on public transport does put some extra challenges in the way.

I probably sound patronising and for that I apologise. However, I think you think you should give yourself a pat on the back though. It may have been frightening but you did it and got there (and I assume you made it back too?) Remember public transport mishaps may well be beyond or control and not our fault and we are quite adaptable Sometimes or quite often the prospect of the journey is worse than the journey itself. Plan for the worst and you can be pleasantly surprised though I do know the feeling of well things are going uncharacteristically well, it's time for something to go horribly wrong.

As guys we're just not allowed to admit we're lost, We're just seeing where this road goes despite the fact it's getting a bit dark now and I'm sure I've seen this junction/street sign/landmark three times already. Sadly we can't undo the past or make it better. There is not a cure but we can bring our own unique contribution towards trying to make the world a better place for ourselves and others. Don't let others write you off, (that is our own prerogative)

Dyspraxia used to be know as Clumsy Child Syndrome so there might be something telling in the use of this phrase. Have you asked your current Doctor for his or her opinion on what was meant by this?

Glad you've found us and I hope you find this a supportive place to share your experiences and hopefully find some inspiration and hope. We look forward to your contributions and questions but please don't feel pressured. There's enough of that out there so please treat the forums here as an escape from that.

Please don't feel afraid to politely challenge any of my waffle above.

[ALADDIN]

I think I was told that I was a "clumsy boy" aged 9, but nothing happened . It was a waste of time.

I do not think "clumsy childhood syndrome" is the same as dyspraxia. I think it was assumed as an adult, dyspraxia would not exist.

[Tom fod]

Aladdin
Clumsy Child Syndrome used to be used as an alternative name for Dyspraxia.
Please Google it if you don't believe me.

[ALADDIN]

Hi Tom Fod,

Dyspraxia used to be known as clumsy childhood syndrome. I agree

There was less known about dyspraxia, eg it was a childhood condition, and it was just being clumsy.

[Tom fod]

There has been some progress but there is still a way to go

I suspect many of us find the term Clumsy Child Syndrome demeaning and as you point out, it doesn't adequately explain the condition and leaves it open to the assumption that one will grow out of it, which people here will all confirm is just not correct. (i'm being unusually polite in my language here.)

Some of us are to a degree more successful in developing coping strategies but the challenges of life can sometimes mean we find ourselves back in a bad place and/or unable to keep up with change and/or compete in a very competitive world.

[AdamPD]

Went on holiday for the past three weeks to family in the USA (I'm in the UK).

They have a piano there, so I decided to try and give it a go again, now I'm no longer a child/teenager, I noticed the same issue I had when I was a kid

When playing a piece of music with both hands, I lose control of my left hand, meaning, it's like my brain sends the same signals to my left hand, as my right and I can't stop it.

My left hand will start mimicking what my right hand is playing, I don't think practice will ever fix that, because it's like I lose the ability to control what that hand is playing, it's really odd.

[Tom fod]

Went on holiday for the past three weeks to family in the USA (I'm in the UK).

They have a piano there, so I decided to try and give it a go again, now I'm no longer a child/teenager, I noticed the same issue I had when I was a kid

When playing a piece of music with both hands, I lose control of my left hand, meaning, it's like my brain sends the same signals to my left hand, as my right and I can't stop it.

My left hand will start mimicking what my right hand is playing, I don't think practice will ever fix that, because it's like I lose the ability to control what that hand is playing, it's really odd.

Welcome back Adam

It's not something you 'grow out of'' though it is possible to improve or find another way. I'm not an expert but I know dyspraxia often affects fine and/or gross motor control and hand dominance (sorry can't get my brain round what exactly this means, other than frustration for all too many of us. I think we often worry about not being able to do things as well or in the prescribed way. It isn't easy but I think we have to accept that our way where it works also has merit and can astonish 'normal' folk.

[AdamPD]

Thanks Tom,

Yea I understand, one thing I always felt was weird about this, is I can touch type, with very high accuracy without looking at the computer keyboard.
You'd think if I couldn't play the piano, I wouldn't be able to touch type, yet I can.
I need a new brain.

[Tom fod]

We don't do logical do we? 8-) I can make a god awful racket pounding on my computer keyboard but it's hardly what you'd call musical though I reckon any attempt I could make to play a piano would probably sound infinitely worse!

[Ditsy]

can so sympathize. I always wanted to play the piano had some free lessons couldn't get it ,I cannot touch type not for want of trying!.