Finding it hard to come to terms with

A place to talk about your experience of living with Dyspraxia

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tomguy2011
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Finding it hard to come to terms with

Post by tomguy2011 » Fri Jul 17, 2015 3:24 pm

Hi, I have Dysparaxia

I find it very hard to come to terms with, I even found it hard typing "Hi, I have Dysparaxia" because It is something that I find it hard to accept.

I found out I had it when I was as young as I can remeber, I was bullyed in school ( Was a catholic school no surprised eh ) as nobody really knew what I had and how to deal with it I guess.

In my adult life, I have forever had a chip on my shoulder towards society and people as a whole. I find it hard to trust new groups of people because I feel that I do not fit in. I am lucky as I have many friends and I don't talk my issues with anyone because nobody understands, and nor to do I the truth been know.

I always felt in my life that I had something inherently wrong with my and I often feel like a black sheep, I feel bitter and fustrated and hateful towards people I simply understand and If people get in my way I often simply despise them. ( Even to the point when I have bigoted views against groups I dont understand ) I guess this is somewhat a bachlash against how I was and sometimes still treated.

I had a girlfriend once upon a time and we broke up four years ago and never got a new girlfriend or got intimiate with anyone and it makes me angry and upset even further. I was on anti depressants but I started to put on weight and decided to stop taking them and now I feel worse,

I love music especially heavy metal, but I can't play a guitar because when I learn to play an instrument it reminds me of how hurtful it was with people given up on me when I was trying to learn. Even in the Heavy metal community the place where the "un-normal" is accepted I still come across people who do not tolerate me and have little sympathy and treat me with harshness. I hate these posers I don't know why they think they can get away with how they do.

I have had friends reject me join their bands singing for them, Something I thought I could do once I summon the confidence. I guess that killed me a bit more inside as I always wanted to peform on stage.

I feel I am losing my mind, All I am doing at the moment is drinking and smoking cannabis but Its a way of dealing with the above. This is making matters worse,

I am so sick of getting rejected all the time by woman it really sucks, I put myself out there and nothing ever comes about it, I am so jelous and angry about my friends getting girls breaking up being sad getting girls again whilst I sit back in idle and nothing comes my way.

Getting rejected by girls makes me so angry and upset that I feel that I have given up, I feel I have asked every girl I know for the sake because I am deseprate and it kills me but I don't know what to do.

I once had a conversation with a lovely woman who did have dysparxia about what I suffer with and she told me she had the same thing and described that she has to deal with, I was so overwhelmed that I had to hold myself from crying. I don't meet people who suffer with the same thing.

Another time I actaully got a telephone number of a lovely girl who was gorgous, and I lost my ****ing phone! Can you believe that the one time I found someone who I had a chance with and I ****ing lost my phone.

I work in a call centre and I am on alright money, I feel that I will never escape or doing anything better.

I feel that it is me vs the world and the world is winning, Sometimes I feel that I don't want to be hear anymore and sleep forever but I don't want to give them the satifaction that they have won.

Sometimes I wonder why when I am drunk I shout at the top of my head and cringe and cry when I walk back to my solitude room,

I am so sad as I write this, I honestly don't know what to do.

Tom fod
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Re: Finding it hard to come to terms with

Post by Tom fod » Fri Jul 17, 2015 8:05 pm

Hi Tom

Welcome to our online community and I hope by reading about others’ experiences and seeking help you can start to get a better handle on your own. I doubt there is a person here who hasn’t thought why me and why do I have to feel so different, useless etc. All the more so when things are difficult and we feel trapped in a rut.

People tend to be focused on their own difficulties so tend to not have a lot of patience when presented with other people going on about theirs. It’s a harsh truth. Plus people struggle to understand dyspraxia and it’s not something that is explainable, especially so when you’re affected by it.

Children attack what is different despite the fact we are all developing as individuals and struggling to accept ourselves whilst also striving to be accepted. I think a lot of us have experienced and may still experience some form of bullying. It is nasty and there is no need for it but we have to find a way to deal with it in a constructive rather than destructive way. (sadly drones and flamethrowers are out.)

My love live is just as, if not more uneventful and I do worry that I’m becoming increasingly desperate and that is scaring women away as well as my self loathing pushes them away. I’ve got so I don’t know what to say or how to act for fear of getting it wrong and the whole don’t search it will come to you feels like a no brainer. Anyway enough of my moaning.

I share your penchant for metal and can certainly sense your frustration of wanting to be noticed and recognised on your own merits.

Do go back to see your GP and seek some counselling/therapy rather than blaming other people (and perhaps just as much yourself at times?)

You are aware that you’re not perfect (nobody is) and at least you can see that you are at fault when it comes to some of your thinking/anger about others and the unfairness of the world, ruined opportunities etc.

Happy for you to challenge anything I’ve written above as I appreciate I can’t fully understand or provide a useful answer to the problems you’re experiencing and after all the best solutions are those you come up with yourself. However, there’s no harm in borrowing others‘ ideas and adapting them so they work for you.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

Jake468
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Re: Finding it hard to come to terms with

Post by Jake468 » Mon Aug 17, 2015 9:41 pm

I also found it very hard to come to terms with, and still do to be honest. I can totally relate to being bitter and angry and feeling like a black sheep, and even the part about being slightly intolerant towards others. It's the strange situation of not wanting to be labelled as different, and yet feeling completely different to everyone else at the same time. Oh yeah and I also got very, very drunk earlier this year at a gathering in a field, and ended up skulking off on my own and shouting how fake they all were pretending to like each other. But the joke was on me in the end, because I'm not usually a drinker and well...I'm sure you can guess what happened :/

ALADDIN
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Re: Finding it hard to come to terms with

Post by ALADDIN » Thu Aug 20, 2015 11:30 am

I am sad about my dysraxia, mainly because it is too late for support, getting a diagnosis is hard and I had a poor understanding for years.

I have aspergers traits (borderline asperger syndrome). People say asperger syndrome or no condition.

Support is tailored towards classic cases, people do not recognise borderline cases, there is an overlap between ND conditions.

The NHS needs to improve.

morgank82
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Re: Finding it hard to come to terms with

Post by morgank82 » Sun Aug 23, 2015 7:21 am

I agree what Tom was saying , there are so many other problem situations in the world that people forget or don't want to be bothered by what we have to say about our dyspraxia , for its a hidden disibility that comes in many symtoms and forms; yet we can still get by also its tough for us day to day basis . I hid my dyspraxia for years and years and no matter what it comes out worse then not hiding it , I found out .

It's not something u wish on anybody , but if u control it , and use that anger on peotry or lyrics , u will might find u have a gift on words ; I found that out cuz I been bullied and yes I been through hell and back we all did and still do at times. Expressing your self on a piece of paper helped for me . Before you know it u probably will right a book in a week or so in poetry.

The only thing us dyspraxics and even autistics, we are prone to behavior attitudes, and not even know we are doing it, we can't just be angry all the time , cuz are minds will trigger more hatred after hatred .for us we seem to bottle it up cuz it's hard to let it out to the world ,so we get fustrated even more and at times hold that fustraition out until we snap, so very scary if u don't find some peace in mind or acceptence over the years.

Martail arts is another good one for us , to learn disipline and cordination skills, and to train mind to be at piece no matter how situations are. Meditation is they key if perhaps someone learns that under a dcd or dyspraxia it will help , food for mind kind of deal . Then law attraction will come into play around with positive outcomes for you or around u.

It's hard and I did it once but lost track cuz I made my self forget I had dyspraxia and then it always comes back to hunt u trice as hard and um start from square one again or near there anyways .
I'm teying to own up to mine and tell people instead of hiding the fact and be insecure or fustraited cuz it will just build up and build up to the point where it's so hard to go back u loose your self.

Trust me I'm going through the process and I feel you as well and others as well. Remember dyspraxia is a complexed never simple ,meaning we can have great minds , look at Einstein and couple others who struggled ;but figured out to harness there power being dyspraxic ..
Again this is something Im going through too soo, what's that saying" u have to listen to what u preach "take care.

ivlostmypurse
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Re: Finding it hard to come to terms with

Post by ivlostmypurse » Mon Oct 19, 2015 11:11 pm

you all confirmed how iv felt. iv livedin the extremes of this diagnosis. it seems the more i learn about this condition the more it confides me as i live with the knowledge at some point in the next five minutes days weeks months something significant is iminant. and it literally vould be anything but theoutcome will be socially limiting, finanacial, physical harm, mental health implications.

the anxiety is unreal right?

iv just started a degree n the inclusion practices seem to benone existant.... iv just come to realise i was better off pre.diagnosis.

however seeing what you have wrote highlights to me we need to start loving ourselves, it came easy to me pre.diagnosis but we must do it. i feel really upset for ypu all, we are alot like ice bergs the top part on show is us being clumbsy, losing stuff being messy and abit awkward but the other complications go way deeper. there is really not enough stuff out there to help.

i did spend some time with a counsellor which helped for mt depression and anxiety. i can speak honestly that alcohol and cannabis is no good for you, it will never be a friend of a dyspraxic person. it creates nemerous layers of baggage to get lost in.

i used to p,ay thepiano when i wasyoung but it turnedcomplicated quickly, i know play again but itsmore self taught just mess, watch you tube tutorial clips. you could find confidence in a simpler instrument to gain confidence.

its strange im telling you this but isnt it strange how impatient we are when we spend most of our liveslooking for stuff.

animals dont care what were like, get a dog or a cat animals are great for raising self esteem and purpose. spunds weird but it works. animals such as these reduce bllod pressure and anxiety.

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