looking for some support

[misfit]

Hi,

I'm 24 years old. I always have known I had dyspraxia, but I never really looked into it. I knew the basics of what it was, how it affected my memory and my understanding of things, but till the last couple of months I just ignored it. I had hoped it was something I'd out grow. I think I'm slowly starting to accept it now, but it's so lonely. I can't seem to fit in. I try, but people don't seem to like me much. Getting used to it. Just want to know I'm not alone. Others have been/gone through the same? Will I ever fit in with other people?

[Jim]

Hello, welcome to the forum etc,

Dyspraxia isn't something we ever really "grow" out of. We simply develop coping mechanisms and strategy over time. Like with anything in life there are going to be times when it has a bigger affect on you.

It can be very socially isolating, even if only indirectly and unintentionally. People in general are afraid of difference, diversity and struggle to tolerate people who behave slightly differently or who struggle with things they'd take for granted.

You're not alone (although I appreciate it may feel like it), there are others out there with similar experiences.

When it comes to fitting in with people, I find that I very much have to manage my expectations. You can't force someone to like or socialise with you. And people who don't like you probably aren't knowing to you anyway.

Yes, it is lonely. And many of us here easily relate to the loneliness, it can get depressing. In my personal experience it doesn't really get any better. It's just how you cope with it and manage expectations.

But don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone everywhere has something offer to this world, and maybe some day you'll find your thing and the people who appreciate it. It's not always all doom and gloom.

[Willr0490]

Dyspraxia is not really a condition that can be grown out of. The only thing that really makes it less apparent is developing coping mechanisms.

[cluttered]

Well, the small amount of research that has been done suggests that *some* people grow out of it (meaning that their skills have simply caught up to normal after a delay in development), in the sense that they are no longer clinically impaired by the dyspraxia itself (though they are still usually by the common co-morbid conditions) even though they're somewhat worse than average for their age with motor skills. But you shouldn't count on that happening. Sometimes you can think you've outgrown it because you're much less impaired in daily life than you were when you couldn't tie your shoe laces etc., but then when circumstances demand something new from you, like at a new job, you find you still struggle with novel tasks that might still *become* part of your "daily life". That's the problem with the way clinical impairment is often defined when it comes to developmental disabilities like dyspraxia, Asperger's Syndrome and ADD/ADHD. Two people with very different lifestyles and occupations can have exactly the same set of abilities and disabilities, with the same degrees of each - could be identical twins with an identical neurological profile, even - and yet have very different levels of daily impairment because of what their day actually consists of and how much support is in place. This can also change over time. You could be told by a professional that you don't have dyspraxia because you don't meet the impairment criteria now, as an adult, but later start to meet the impairment criteria again because of changing circumstances, such as a new job or learning to drive, or moving out of your parents' house and no longer having them do the tasks you find difficult for you.

[misfit]

Thank you all for your replies. It's just hard to accept. You're made to feel lazy and stupid. The simple things like cleaning stuff I can't seem to do it right. yet I have raised an amazing 4 year old who just started school and has finishes all her reading work for this year. But I get so anxious that she isn't going to make friends.

[Tom fod]

Hi Misfit and welcome

It's not something you can specifically 'grow out of' as such but you can learn to cope and not worry so much about what other people think. Dyspraxia is very hard to characterise and at times we can forget it's there. then a difficult situation comes along and we're back wondering how and if we can cope.

Whilst there are commonalities, we all (not just us) cope with the world around us in different ways and what can be a trivial thing to one person one day can the next time be a mountain to scale at another time or for someone else.

We're very used to having to work harder at things which others can seemingly do standing on their heads whilst juggling. Some of us become perfectionists in order to make it harder for others to judge us but it can be a wasted effort. We all do the judging thing it's human but some of us are a lot more prone to worry about what others are thinking. Some people point out faults in others merely to distract attention form their own real or self-perceived faults.

You've worked hard to bring up your daughter and it really is not wrong to take some of the credit for that. Equally it's natural to be concerned and obviously you want her to have an easier time growing up than you experienced yourself. Everyone's experience is different but I'm sure she will cope with your support. Learning to treat others as you would want to be treated yourself goes a long way and if people can't reciprocate in that, do your best to set a good example/avoid them where you can.

What are the specific reasons you think people might not like you? Looking from outside, are they valid reasons? Or could they actually be down to low self esteem that is causing you to doubt your own value? Not everyone will like or understand you immediately. Some people are worth the effort to convince, others are not!

Feel free to ask any more questions and contribute where you feel able. I hope some of the above is helpful. We don't, even for a minute, think you're lazy or stupid!

[shadowgirl021]

Hello,
I can relate, I am the same age as you and even though I accept the condition now even feeling okish telling people who need to know and who I trust 110% I didnt when I found out when I was 17. I ignored it as well, and when I did read it, I didnt accept it, until I got fired a second time.

It does get easier the more you deal with having Dyspraxia. You know what you can and cant do and yes you will fit in, even if its just one person who accepts you for you who you are, because honestly that will happen. I have come across people who think I am strange, weird, slow ect but at the end of the day it doesn't matter what they think, I know that is easier said then done, their attitude has affected me while Ive been at work/volunteering but there are people out there who will like and accept you for you, quirks and all

[misfit]

Thanks for the replies. Well, for one thing I have caught them red handed saying nasty stuff about me. It's a pretty nasty place to work anyway. I din't think the way they do. They are very black and white. Think everything is so straight forward. Life isn't that simple to me. So when they gossip about someone or something, I just find the conversation pathetic and nasty. They know this and it's made them hate me, even though in spite of their conversations I actually work my butt off to help them. So, I guess I still crave acceptance despite the fact I'm not too keen on them. How messed up is that(?) As for discovering what I am good at, I'm working in a few projects I've never had the guts to try before from fear of failing. I figure "what have I got to lose?". Although that had a slightly pessimistic twang to it, I am actually pretty possitive about it

[Moot]

I can't seem to fit in. I try, but people don't seem to like me much.

Don't I know that feeling.:/

Welcome to the forum, Misfit! I hope the forum will be a help to you.

[misfit]

Thank you Moot . I am feeling better talking to people that understand it.