Empathy and empathetic

[skyrocket]

Just wanted to bring these words to the table. I suffer from dyspraxia and find I am very empathetic. This can either be a curse or it can be a gift. Are there any other people on this forum who can relate to these words. I find I can make connections with people without knowing them that well, or can read them on more than a face value level. Sometimes I detect people's emotions, energies and absorb them, especially unhappiness. I tend to get complete strangers wanting to open up and talk about things they wouldn't usually tell anyone else. I don't want to sound far fetched but I find I have a deep seated intuition which effects my moods, emotions and I sometimes I find some social situations highly overwhelming so I avoid them - to much chatter. I have this want to solve people's problems and take their pain away and it can sometimes lead me to inappropriate behaviour. Some people make a connection with me without really knowing why or I for that matter and it leads to confused situations. I am not talking about anything paranormal here, and I hope my words don't serve this end. I tend to notice things more than my poor body language will allow and can listen without appearing to do so. My mind tends to process information in the wrong order but I can certainly feel on a deeper level than most, possibly due to dyspraxia. I always attend to attribute people's problems to myself. Part of job involves using these characteristics that's why I do it well but it leads to a disasters in romantic interest as some of the messages I receive are from below the surface and not easy to explain in words. It's a terribly lonely thing and its hard to make friends and connections on the surface as I'm such a spiritual person.

[Tom fod]

Hi Skyrocket

Welcome

Yes I find I can very much relate to this. I'm sensitive to other peoples' pain and some people do want to open up to me. I have a varied group of friends some of whom struggle more than I do. I wish I could help them but often it's beyond my control.

When it comes to relationships I'd have thought this would be an advantage but seems all too many ladies are just not interested in sensitive and caring guys with v little experience (sorry feel myself slipping into a rant here so must stop).

I can pick up on things but often I'm too frightened to trust my intuition as far as 'she fancies me and I say/do it all wrong, or maybe I've just not met the right person yet?

[skyrocket]

Snap. That was exactly what I've been driving at. It's all so confusing. Sometimes I feel its a need to help people, I can see past the masks people put on when behind them there is something darker, but I can misinterprete it for something else altogether with my own feelings and end up making a fool of myself. I have messed up lots of potentially great friendships that way where empathy plays a pivotal role but easily be misconstrued for something more romantic. Lots of people, especially empathics who don't realise they are, make connections with me and sometimes it confuses them too. The connection is non verbal and soon as anything is verbalised its not enough or makes a mess of things. So the nub of the matter is avoided. Also I have been in situations where there has been an elephant in the room and its down to this too. I'm glad that I'm not the only one with this frustrating trait. It's hard to explain it in a simple way but its the dominant feature of my dyspraxia.

[Catwoman42]

I can definitely pick up on the atmosphere in a room. I like to think I am empathetic, but as I'm training to be a counsellor I really need to be!

[Captain_Ludd]

I really wish I had this ability, don't get me wrong I do care and worry about people but I really struggle to pick up on the undertones and subtexts that help me understand people.
Which means I'm quite often time accused of being blunt or emotionally stunted when I'm not trying to be which gets me down sometimes.
Interestingly my disability tutor is dyspraxic and she sounds very like some other people on this thread she instantly know if your feeling good or bad or nervous and she very good at reading what she call "energies".

[skyrocket]

Believe me it can be a curse sometimes particularly if it is strong and overwhelming and left turned on. It can be confused for other things, i.e romantic encounters, and makes life seem stranger than it need be. It prevents real communication too, causes awkwardness and at its extreme not founded in the real world. I find it hard to get over other people's sorrow, find it hard to watch the news and can be emotionally attached to someone for no apparent reason apart from their neediness or distress signals I pick up. My verbal communication skills are terrible but is more than made up for what lays inside. That's why I have been bizarre occasions where strangers want to talk to me about things they wouldn't tell their family. Especially if they are fellow empathetic who feel lonely with their trait. I believe its an Important part for some dyspraxia suffers - the ability to feel to much.

[Captain_Ludd]

That's why I have been bizarre occasions where strangers want to talk to me about things they wouldn't tell their family.

Oddly enough I do get a lot of this, I don't know why cos I can rarely do anything but listen without being able to offer advice, really not my area of expertise .
I can see where almost feeling other peoples emotions for them could get to be very hard work though.

[GenuineAndJosh]

Hi Skyrocket

Literally everything you've said, I can easily relate too and describes myself perfectly. I always have that empathetic nature and because of this, I can easily tell how the other person is feeling and they always come to for advice which feels really rewarding to me knowing that those people can spot my non judgemental, genuine, down to earth, caring and empathetic nature a mile off. I always tend to put other people's needs before mine, and because of my nature, I considered using it to play an important role in scoiety by becoming a cousnellor as those are the qualities that are so needed in a job like that but I've been having second thoughts and I've come to a decision of wanting to become a teaching assistant to children who have special needs/learning difficulties as I want to provide them all the support and understanding while they're studying at school and can understand how they're feeling, and can use my empathetic nature in this role.

[sanahasacat]

Yeah, I can definitely relate to this. I pick up on emotional states, intentions, the atmosphere of conversations and places... almost too much so, I'll pick up on the pain of total strangers on the street, though fortunately I have the social grace not to immediately run to them to play therapist.

Though I think it's quite interesting, that a lot of people, unless they know me well, don't notice that about me. I suppose I'm not good with words; I can't always say what I mean, so people think I'm much more oblivious than I am, which is equal parts useful and frustrating. Supposedly I give good advice, though. I work in social care, so I would bloody well hope I'm empathetic!

I took some tests online once, supposedly my emotional intelligence score is 127 and my 'reading the mind in the eyes' was 33. (The average scores being 100 and 26, respectively.) Take that as you will. Though, I personally think I understand emotions well mostly because I don't easily understand some other things- people I get, logic, numbers, remembering where I put things, time, basically anything 'left brain' is totally lost on me. Its. like I used up too many skill points in one area and didn't have any left over.

[cluttered]

I'm the same in at least some respects even though I'm one of those dyspraxics diagnosed on the autism spectrum. The most famous part of autism is less empathy than average (which isn't the same as a lack of compassion, caring or sense of justice - that's psychopathy, which actually doesn't involve a lack of what's rightfully called "empathy"). Admittedly I'm probably just a borderline case, but I do find it interesting that I manage to just about meet the criteria and to have been significantly impaired for a period, despite in some respects having above average empathy. My ability to read facial expressions and other body language, the depth of vicarious suffering I can feel, and even my ability to "psychoanalyse" people are all significantly better than average provided I'm just watching or thinking about it from afar. It's when in the middle of social interaction, especially in large groups, when I seem to lose these abilities. It's apparently normal to have this difference between "on paper" ability and real social interaction ability with autism, just not to my dramatic extent.

This is thought to be because autism's empathy deficit is partly caused (for me, maybe entirely caused) by poor automatic and rapid contextual processing. I frequently realise exactly what someone must have actually meant just too late to know that my response missed the point completely - took a comment or question literally, for example, or figuratively when not intended as such - because my brain did not use the context of the immediate situation with all its complexities quite quickly enough. Contrary to popular belief, many with milder autism empathy-related symptoms can figure out for ourselves what someone was actually thinking, it just it comes to us too late, and we often have to think it through logically instead of it being automatic.

[itsentony]

we can't substitute the one term with another, thanks for your explanation! http://bigpaperwriter.com/blog/empathy-essay has an essay devoted to empathy!

[stephaniesays]

i have dyspraxia and high empathy too and intuition. people open up to me all the time and strangers often want to tell problems. i can tell if people are lying etc and read situations too. often i think of someone and they contact me or i find out someone has died after, i have just texted to say hi and ask how they are for no reason. having high empathy can be very tiring as i feel things deeply as if it happened to me. i also feel like i have to protect my space a bit or will get too drained by other people. i am doing a counselling course out of interest, but may be too sensitive. in my love life it is similar, i don't have success right now but a lot of friends and people who want to talk to me about their issues. i also find i have to be alone to recharge but have a compulsion to help people and a very strong sense of justice and don't like seeing people being treated badly - it affects me so very deeply. i always thought there was something really odd and wrong with me - so it is good to know i am not alone and that you feel this way too and that is is a trait. i was diagnosed late and had no support and just thought i was highly sensitive and a bit odd. my friends joke and say i am psychic but it is more just a feeling i get and know to text x or get a feeling about a situation. it is a bit of a blessing and a curse and quite exhausting at times.

[Aquamarina]

Yes ! Totally.......

I don't know about you but I find recent events leading to " work meetings " online, in Zoom Skype etc have been utterly exhausting. To work in such a limited way feels like someone has out a sack over my head'. There have been a few articles recently suggesting how much certain people ( not all ) tend to gather information and communicate using their senses and instincts more than other.

Do you also find that some people seem to be able to understand others difficulties in a kind of " logical " manner which almost feels as though they express empathy verbally, but it doesn't seem to be a total reaction from their whole being? This might be sounding a bit strange!

The description " approachable " springs to mind, such as getting asked for advice by complete strangers on a regular basis or people you've just met saying " I've never talked to anyone about that before ". ...

Yes too much empathy can really get in the way, especially in the workplace. You can become too considerate/ accommodating because you can 'feel' other people too much. It's not something you can switch on and off at will.

Regarding relationships I wouldn't like to even comment lol ! But I do understand ☺

[ALADDIN]

I lack empathty, because I am sure, I have ADHD.