Dyspraxia and Paranoia

[princessbella]

im like that alot i have good days and then really bad days, sometimes my perceptions right at other times completly wrong, i find it really difficult and it really affects my relationships with epople

i

get paranoid over social situations/coverstaions alot as don't understading the meaning and concept i get so confused and frustrated anxiety leads to be mistrusting if someone don't text me back reply to instant message i get upset and hurt feel like i've said something wrong to hurt or upset them i get very edgy around people find it hard to maintain balance and control on it i have to get a 'perfect answer' yet paranoia makes feel like it is right and makes self-doubt have low self-esteem even depressed over why you end up in such a MH cycle of events over something little small can't work it out but believe it right and strong and you're weak and wrong so hard to get away from the reality it reassures you in makes you think going crazy mad insane etc so hard to explain to people put into exact words and feelings!!! i get that people out to get me hurt me or talk about me behind my back or laugh about me difficulties

[Ldyalb]

I don't suffer from paranoia but I do worry. I am confident meeting people as my verbal diarrhoea disguises my shyness spectacularly but when I'm meeting anyone important I find myself weak and shaking and very nervous, like when I met my boyfriend's parents. As I was bullied badly at school I tend to assume people won't like me, this doesn't bother me on a day to day basis as I'm used to being unpopular but whenever I'm meeting anyone I want to impress such as the boyfriend's family it does bother me. When I met my boyfriend's parents I became shy and very nearly hid from them, I also found my voice left me and became a high pitched squeak (first words spoken to his mother by me were squeaks lol). I haven't met his friends after 2 years 7 months (today ) together as I'm too scared - I figure people can't hate me if they haven't met me which also makes me feel sad as it does mean I dislike going to parties etc and I much prefer to stay home.

I think it's caused by the dyspraxia as the dyspraxia makes me feel awkward and as it caused me to be bullied it makes me assume people automatically won't like me even though I have lots of lovely friends who do like me. Also my boyfriend is very clever (has a first class honours degree) and talented in music and art and many of his friends are sporty or musical and it was people like that who bullied me the most at school so I always worry that people won't understand my dyspraxia and will just think I'm not good enough for him and wonder what it is he sees in me. I do think that a lot of my social problems are caused by the way people have treated me in the past and that if people were more accepting of people who are 'different' then I wouldn't have so many problems, I'm remembering in particular the teacher who called me 'the little girl who can't do anything' in front of my class when I was 6 and the boyfriend of my best friend who said the only good thing about me was my boobs. I am also naturally socially awkward to an extent, I dislike people being too close to me, I hate people looking in my eyes or face and I become stressed in large groups of people. Much prefer meeting people in smaller groups.

[krackerz1590]

ldy

have you heard of AS before ??? (Asperger's Syndrome) has no -one ever mentioned this before to you? as a likelyhood possibilty ?

you know you say you struggle and find hard socialising making friends , eye contact disliking people too close to you becoming stressed in large groups and preferring people in small groups all sounds like AS to me i would go on the NAS website for more infromation asd both conditions are on the autistic spectrum and both are linked and connected so is possible you could have one diagnosed and other not i was officially diagnosed with dyspraxia then years later AS but alot signs you listed also could describe dyspraxia mixed with AS if you need any more information or want to chat it over more feel free also you say you like staying at home rather than going to parties this also social anxiety and difficulties which people with AS go through!!!

alarm bells were ringing when i read your post!

do you HATE change and want to stick to routine??? are noises or smells more strong to you?

take care though
kirst XXX
good luck

[Ldyalb]

ldy

have you heard of AS before ??? (Asperger's Syndrome) has no -one ever mentioned this before to you? as a likelyhood possibilty ?

you know you say you struggle and find hard socialising making friends , eye contact disliking people too close to you becoming stressed in large groups and preferring people in small groups all sounds like AS to me i would go on the NAS website for more infromation asd both conditions are on the autistic spectrum and both are linked and connected so is possible you could have one diagnosed and other not i was officially diagnosed with dyspraxia then years later AS but alot signs you listed also could describe dyspraxia mixed with AS if you need any more information or want to chat it over more feel free also you say you like staying at home rather than going to parties this also social anxiety and difficulties which people with AS go through!!!

alarm bells were ringing when i read your post!

do you HATE change and want to stick to routine??? are noises or smells more strong to you?

take care though
kirst XXX
good luck

I have heard of AS - I used to date someone with Aspergers. I'm not too bad in terms of meeting people, I worked at Lush (if you're familiar with it you'll know that working there means approaching strangers and being friendly) it's only if I personally care about those people liking me. Then I get nervous and panicky, I actually met two of my boyfriend's friends once very briefly almost two years ago (I don't really count it as it was for 30 mins and they were plastered so probs don't remember anything lol) - one he knew I'd be meeting as she was at a house we were going to, the other was her boyfriend who he didn't know would be going. He didn't tell me I'd be meeting one of his friends until we were about to leave, he then got confused as it made me cry - I'd been having a day where I fight with the mirror and if I'd been told she'd be there I would have worn different clothes, straightened my hair etc. I have been wondering if I might be mildly autistic as my Dr said I'll be tested for a number of conditions during diagnosis such as AS and also things like cerebal palsy (I have feet problems and walk 'pigeon toed' so they have to check). My Dr knows about the eye thing as she had to give me an eye exam as I have eye pain, haven't been to an optician for 5 years, hate them like some people hate dentists. I am a very talkative person but only with people I'm comfortable with, I'm so quiet when meeting people I want to impress. I've never thought about maybe having AS - I guess because I'm so different to my former boyfriend who had much worse problems than me, luckily I seemed to understand him and could help him. But that was before I knew I might be neuro-diverse too so I guess I would have understood on some level what he was going through.

I'm not too attached to routine as I moved around loads as a child and never had a routine (went to 6 schools) and also had bad sleep problems so never have bedtime routines or anything like that but I do hate it when people change plans without consulting me, when I was 19 I got so angry with my Mum for changing our plans I had a tantrum and threw a glass at a wall. But that was very extreme for me, normally I just get a bit moody or am internally annoyed. Sounds and smells irritate me, particularly noise, I don't like loud music unless I choose to make it loud - car journeys with friends are always very painful on my poor ears as they all seem to enjoy blasting the music out!

I'll definitely mention it to the Neurologist - my appointment is on the 26th of this month.

How was your experience of diagnosis? How long did it take? xxx

[krackerz1590]

sleep problems are common mostly in AS but also dyspraxia being pigeon toed sound dyspraxic not everyone with AS has same set of symptoms or range in level of how affected by it so could be you have AS but different type to your ex boyfriend i talkative only with people i trust and feel secure and comfortable with this also common factor in AS having AS want to socially impress so much you can go over the top with things but don't see the warning signs when people change routine without consulting people with AS it can cause alot stress upset and anxiety can mess your head up alot . if sounds and smells irrate you that also AS!!! everything to me is pointing out in the AS direction

i'm like you i don't like loud music unless i do it myself also common in AS!

my official diagnosis process was unexpected really bit of a shock as i had MH probs ( depression ,socially withdrawn ,quiet) so mum took me to family doctor which then referred to a general counsellor then speaking to my mum and me and agreeing herself there something more than just dyspraxia there hidden but she didn't know what and said she wasn;t specialised in that particular area so then referred me to CAMHS - complex difficulties clinic which then assessed couple of hours then officially diagnosis paperwork to come through from clincal pyschologist took a few weeks but on assessment day they LD nurse and pyschlogist that asked me and my mum medical history past background ( educational etc) and i was 'classic AS case' so they knew straight away what i was as so vivid in me from the start .

my mum always knew i was 'different' yet i always left 'different' to my peers at school etc i was bullied in juniors school misunderstood as 'naughty ,'lazy' unsocialable etc and blamed for alot things that i couldn't help which latched onto low self -esteem which i have carried around still years after affects me deeply hard to recover from completely

[Ldyalb]

I made the mistake of mentioning AS to my current bf lol, he now thinks I'm waaay overreacting. I'm a little scared of diagnosis - just worried people won't believe me. I know a few people my age who don't think dyslexia exists so goodness knows what they'll think of Dyspraxia! I'm terrible with smells and have a major gag reflex so am often gagging from bad smells, our bin once smelt so bad I threw up a little. Was gross Was surprising how much misconception Autism and AS inspire though - one of the first things my bf said to me was 'but people with autism don't look in anyone's eyes and can't love and express emotion' which I told him was a common misconception. Oh well, appointment is only a few weeks away so hopefully I can get the ball rolling and the neurologist will agree with me. My bf is going away for 5 days the day after my appointment which sucks but at least I get the flat to myself to be weird in (a preference for the floor over furniture is 'weird' apparently) and to have a good cry in if I need to.

I know what you mean with self-esteem, I was so badly bullied at school that it took a lot of time at Uni to get me feeling better about myself and I do have bad relapses where I feel negative. My bf is shocked by how much I can put myself down, I was unlucky because I was at a grammar school and then a prestigious uni so I was always very much a little fish in a big pond. I'm also bad with hobbies as I lack the co-ordination to play sport and I'm tone deaf which rules out music. I also can't draw, anything I draw looks like a 7yr old drew it. Not entirely convinced I don't have dysgraphia also. I enjoy amateur photography but I struggle with 'concepts' such as lighting so I just point and shoot and hope I get a good picture lol. Annoyingly my boyfriend is very musical (guitar, trumpet and voice) and he's also better than me at everything I'm good at such as photography. And he can draw, is good at maths and science and is very clever (5 As @ A level). Some people are just plain irritating Although I did take his roast potato method and improve it so it's not all bad and I'm surprisingly good at geography, both human and physical. Perhaps I picked the wrong degree lol. But my problem is that because of the bullying I expect that people won't like me, good for when I don't care what people think as it de-sensitises me but bad for when I do care as it makes doing stuff and meeting people hard.

Bf suffers from mild depression which is making things harder as he keeps saying he'd happily swap his depression for dyspraxia but I think the reality of life with something which is life long (he's suffered depression before and overcome it, he gets it again during big life changes, like going to uni and leaving uni) is something he can't fully appreciate at the moment. I'm doing my best to look after him though.

[StageFighter]

I certainly suffer from anxiety, wish worsens with stress - as it has a tendency to do. I think that if I wasn't careful I would find it easy to slip in to becoming rather paranoid. At the same time I am aware that I am often over sensitive and whilst this is far from as bad as it used to be, I am still prone to overacting to stressful situations and to people that I perceive to be criticising me.

[krackerz1590]

i have depression living with it is hard but equally too is dyspraxia and aspergers so unless you've been there you don't really know and would say you'd swap it as he don't know how first person is affected personally with the medical condition just like alot people can't say understand depression unless have it themselves everyone can say oh i do understand it by living with someone who has it but completely different altogether with living with in inside your own life head etc and he should know that having depression himself not to be judgemental and criticial as easy to be when you don't suffer from something someone else does i know but even so! as tired living with depression wears you down drains you physically and mentally alot people don't realise same with dyspraxia and aspergers even though can't 'physically see it' with your eyes still there living it and still same

[krackerz1590]

if you scared of getting a official diagnosis due to what others views and opinions might be think about you and what be best for you and what you need long term they not one has to live with it day in day out you do please think carefully if want to talk ober assessment and official diagnosis i'd be willing to talk over my own personal experiences willing to help and support you to make decision based on what right for you not for anyone else!

sounds like you need it though to make 'right' and sense in your head to fit jigsaw together of your life experiences ( bullying ,low self-esteem0 to finally have some kind of explanation and answer there

good luck
XKLX

[Ldyalb]

if you scared of getting a official diagnosis due to what others views and opinions might be think about you and what be best for you and what you need long term they not one has to live with it day in day out you do please think carefully if want to talk ober assessment and official diagnosis i'd be willing to talk over my own personal experiences willing to help and support you to make decision based on what right for you not for anyone else!

sounds like you need it though to make 'right' and sense in your head to fit jigsaw together of your life experiences ( bullying ,low self-esteem0 to finally have some kind of explanation and answer there

good luck
XKLX

We both realise neither can fully understand what the other is going through but I think it's harder for him to realise that it's not easy for me as his depression means he's seeing things differently to how he normally would see things. Fortunately he can get better one day though which he'll appreciate once it happens. He's read my 'development history' (there's a questionnaire somewhere else on this forum that I filled in) and I think it helped him to understand, he was never bullied at school and got on well with his teachers so I think he was shocked to see written in black and white quotes from various teachers of mine. 'It's the little girl who can't do anything' (said to me when I was 6, my teacher asked me a geography question which I couldn't answer as I'd missed the previous geography lesson due to illness. she then told my class I was 'the little girl who can't do anything' (I now have an honours degree from Nottingham Uni). I also had a teacher who told me at the start of year 6 that I only got 34 out of one hundred in the first 11+ practice paper (she said my friend who marked me as having got 36 had made a mistake and given me two extra points) and that I wasn't bright enough to pass my 11+ and I should stop hoping to go to the girls grammar I hoped to attend and find a comprehensive instead. My Mum was livid and also pointed out that my friend was correct - I DID have 36 out of a hundred after all. I passed my 11+ and the teacher was bitter about it for the rest of year 6.

I think I need the diagnosis for my own peace of mind and also when people complain about me tripping, spilling stuff etc I can explain it's dyspraxia. Same with driving, I'm fed up of people telling me that if I can't drive I can't have a life. I recently stayed with my Bf's family and his mother was asking me about my learning to drive again in the future when my bf helpfully suggested that if I didn't learn to drive I 'may as well give up on life now'. I treated him to an earful and asked him if he wanted to say that to someone with a medical condition such as epilepsy which means they can't drive. I realise how useful being able to drive is but I'm not going to die if I can't drive, if I never learn I'll just have to live in urban areas where public transport is good. I managed 3 years in Nottingham using buses and trams and, shock horror, my feet to walk places. I currently live in London and am able to get places easily.

Do you find people don't take your problems seriously? I'm fed up of being told that 'everyone finds driving hard at first but then they get better', yes, but those people have co-ordination skills and spatial awareness. I'm 21 and I still can't tell my left and right apart, in 9 driving lessons I;
- drove on the wrong side of the road without realising
- nearly had a head on collision with a Lorry, I was looking at the Lorry coming towards me but I didn't 'see' it was there
- almost ran over 3 people
- was reduced to tears by my driving instructor at least once in every one of the last 5 lessons
- turned the wrong way at junctions as I thought I was going left when I was actually going right
- had the car run backwards down a slope
- needed my driving instructor to release the handbrake for me everytime as I didn't have the upper body strength to
- couldn't do more than one thing at once, i.e. I could change gears but not steer and look through the window at the same time
- drove in the wrong position, my driving instructor kept saying 'but you're two inches away from the side of the road, can't you see that?' no, I couldn't, I looked dead close to it, like I was about to go in the ditch by it actually.
- couldn't remember what any of the road signs meant, esp those horrible ones with the wider line to tell you which junction turning is the main road as the left and right thing messed me up
- kept indicating to turn the wrong way due to left and right issues
- was helpfully told by my instructor that I 'needed to have my head checked'

I'm an intelligent adult, why won't people accept that I know my limitations? Everyone knows I can't sing and wouldn't expect me to perform in opera, so why won't people listen when I explain I can't drive? My friend who also suspects he has Dyspraxia (he already has dyslexia diagnosis so isn't pursuing Dyspraxia as his is relatively mild, definitely not as bad as mine and also because he already gets help from the dyslexia diagnosis) has the same problems as me learning to drive and gets the same hassle because of it.

argh!!!! x

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Dyspraxia-Badge-I ... 3ef4d765bb

I want this bad boy so much

[Evasura]

Hey Ldyalb,
not sure if this might help: Do you have anyone who you trust and with pacient who can teach you before going to driving school? Not sure I could have passed any driving exams if my dad hadn't taught me VERY PACIENTLY for two years before starting my driving lessons.
Anyway, I have a few friends who cannot drive (for moral reasons - pollution, etc) and they manage perfectly well in life without it (in Ldn)
How's your diagnosis going? did you finally have your appointment with the neurologist?

[Ldyalb]

Hey Ldyalb,
not sure if this might help: Do you have anyone who you trust and with pacient who can teach you before going to driving school? Not sure I could have passed any driving exams if my dad hadn't taught me VERY PACIENTLY for two years before starting my driving lessons.
Anyway, I have a few friends who cannot drive (for moral reasons - pollution, etc) and they manage perfectly well in life without it (in Ldn)
How's your diagnosis going? did you finally have your appointment with the neurologist?

Sadly not, my mother is reluctant to take me after I told her I almost ran 3 people over in the space of an hour and after I told her I almost drove the car in to a watery ditch. My bf is 21 and will soon have been passed long enough to take me but he doesn't have a car and we both feel it would result in us arguing so that's not going to happen. I live with my bf, both our families are in other parts of the UK. His Dad took him out too, they got to the end of the road, argued and Dad was replaced with his Mum lol. I have a friend whose parents don't drive and she passed after a few attempts and lots of lessons. It's also disgustingly expensive that way though I think I will try again when I have money (don't want to, the thought makes me break into a cold sweat and feel sick) but with an automatic. The suggestion led to criticism from the bf's parents and the bf but it's my life, not theirs and it's better to be able to drive an automatic than not at all I guess.

My Dad can't drive but wishes he'd learned, it's too late now - he's 70 so not much point. He wants me to learn but he also says that if I feel I'm not safe driving then I'm being sensible by not driving, he's got some mild dyspraxia traits so I think he understands better than anyone else how I feel. A little part of me is hoping the neurologist will be so horrified by my lack of co-ordination that they'll tell me never to get behind a wheel so people will get off my back but I know that's very unlikely lol. Plus, who knows, maybe one day I will be able to happily! It just seems so unlikely though! (then again, I'm a bit of a quitter so perhaps that's why people don't believe me, although to be fair some of the quitting was logical like violin lessons - after two years I could only play 3 blind mice so I figured it was time to call it a day, and with aerobics/dance - well that just wasn't going to happen for someone who feel over constantly and was laughed at by 5 year olds who could see better than the adults how bad I was)

I have my appointment soon - 26th Jan, no idea what to expect though or how long it'll take. I'm scared because some days are worse than others, i.e. some days I can do a lot of things, others I fall to pieces and can't do things I could the day before. I'm scared I'll have a 'good day' on the day I see the neurologist and I'll seem 'normal'.

[krackerz1590]

sounds like when your bf finding things touhg in life he seems to like to lash and take out his frustrations on like when he says about driving you might aswell give up on life now well that's exactly fair of him to judge up as the fact is you're trying to learn to drive not matter how hard and difficult you find driving maybe a struggle did you know are special needs driving instructors out there that can help break things down at better level and pace to help understand slower and easier and calmer don't let anyone stop you by what they say easy to listen when you have low self -esteem as you tend want to believe and know all negative shining out to you

you sound gutcy for getting in a car and trying to do your best with what skills and road signs /instructions you may find confusing and frustrating and added that mix to alot of nerves and anxiety so brave challenge to conquer it takes determination which you seem to have a pot full every one has weak skills ours physical due to dyspraxia but can be improved with practice and time try not to hurry yourself along too much one step at time or it will become too overbearing and suffocating to be able to properly maintain and cope with it .

i would look into SEN driving instructors in your local area and see if they have had any other experiences of working with a dyspraxic client before hand as this will reassure you and give you great relief and confidence and trust in their abilities. you need some relaxed chilled out patient etc

i don't know my left from my right and i'm 20 years old i know it so annoying not knowing and get so worked up and frustrated because so want to learn but set back by this 'hurdle' in the way i personally would sit down and think about realistic targets for yourself for driving something each time you do it something you'd like to improve on and get better at like the list at the top write down one each week and once done it cross it off this will raise your self -esteem alot be practocal with your abilities ,skills try not to set your standards high as you notice it as you think everyone can do that i can't what is wrong with me that will destroy your already low self-esteem


it has no time scale in which it has to be done by whatsoever be patient with yourself give yourself a break i know trying to create freedom independence something which is craved for alot when you have dyspraxia

if you ever do learn to drive and have a car of your own you'd be better off with an automatic car as easier less involved to drive less stressful and complicated less thinking etc

http://www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/s ... riving.php

you seem like if you finding driving too stressful hard difficult a real struggle and end up not being able to sucessfully manage to conquer it fully then remember always public transport out there i know it not the same thing as doing ti yourself often be stress free no responsibility etc i know anxiety on public transport but also you can always leave it for awhile and go back to it after a break away



good luck

take care

XKX

[char89]

Im 21 and at Uni, ive just been told im Disbraxsic and diyslexic. For as long as i can remember i have been scared to be alone to sleep in a room on my own to be in the house alone in fear of someone being in that room who i dont know like a burgalur or something or someone breaking in. I dont sleep some nights because i get myself so worked up and convince myself someone is there i wake up in panics and sit almost just waiting for something to happen. Recently well a year ago i started seeing someone and my nervous untrusting ways cause problems i dont trust him one bit and i dont know why i feel like everytime im no there he is talking or seeing someone else. I thought i was just a freak but by the sounds of it all of this stuff that i feel ruining my life is all down to this Disbraxcia thing which i dont even really know what it is!!! or am i just a freak ???

[krackerz1590]

hey char

i live my parents and twin brother at family home i get panicky and anxious about getting broke into so i know exactly what you talking about and describing i have AS dyspraxia depression unofficially i have anxiety i personally the same situation i thought same as you it was just me and it was weird stramge to have this kind of thinking!!! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

take care
XKLX