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peterbonney
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Joined: Tue Feb 28, 2017 11:21 am

Hello :)

Post by peterbonney »

Hi, I might be coming here from a slightly different angle to most people here.

Personally, I don't have Dyspraxia/DCD but my 12 year old stepson has a diagnosis of DCD and my wife has Dyspraxia, and it's mainly my son I've joined here for.

Until recently we've been managing fine, he's had frustrations and struggled with things but overall we've managed. However, recently we've been out of our depth with him, what with him starting to hit puberty and being a typical 12 going on 20 young man, we're having a lot more shouting matches.

The problem is we don't know what is him just pushing the boundaries and what is a processing issue, and we really need to find some strategies for him to help him cope.

As an example: he's in his bedroom > we call his name > nothing > we call his name again (in case he didn't hear us 1st time) > "YES! I HEARD YOU!" :Eek: Obviously this is a processing thing, but the flip side can be: He ask's if he can stay up later than usual/take something he's not allowed to school/pushes some other boundary this is obviously just him being 12 and wanting to get away with what ever he can. At the moment we're managing both these scenarios the same way, which is usually to moan at him for not responding or pushing a boundary too far. The result is he feels like he's always being moaned at and obviously this isn't what we want for him.

Now I've given you all that to wade through, to the reason I've joined, which is to get some advice on how we can arm him with strategies to cope when it is a processing issue.

Any help or advice is gratefully received
:D
Tom fod
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Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 9:05 pm
Location: SW UK

Re: Hello :)

Post by Tom fod »

How is it a processing difference vs him heing a typical lad of his age reacting to a new domestic situation??

Are you and your wife able to be consistent in applying ground rules? Appreciate this may be easier said than done at times given you all have to coexist so may let certain things slide for sake of a quiet life?

I used to get called for tea but if I was 'busy' it wd be cold and/or dried up. Rather than shouting can you not go up and ask him to come down? I think you should handle things as 'normally' as possible.

I must caveat my response with info that it's nigh on 30yrs since I was 12 and I'm not a parent myself. How aware is he of his difference and what is his school/social life like? Frudtrations like this can start to badly erode self esteem and ratchet up frustration levels.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
peterbonney
New member - welcome them!
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Feb 28, 2017 11:21 am

Re: Hello :)

Post by peterbonney »

Hi Tom,

Thanks for your reply, In answer to your question, the way it was explained to us by the OT was, when we call him the 1st time, his brain knows he needs to do something and is processing the message to figure out what it is, and then we call him again and it throws his thought process out as he's already dealing with the 1st request which is why he shouts at us. It's not in his nature to shout, he's a quiet loving boy normally

As you suggested, we do try to keep ground rules the same and to a minimum. However, it isn't just the 3 of us, we also have 14 month old twins which makes going up to him very difficult. I work quite a long way from home and am out of the house for over 12 hours a day, so it's really down to my wife to do the tea routine with all the children, do his homework (another source of frustration for us all) and get the babies to bed.

We all know teenage years are difficult enough, but when you have a condition that effects your self confidence (and his is already on the floor) we just want to make it as easy as we can for him.

Food is a whole other ball game, he has a very limited pallet and if he doesn't like the look of whats on his plate he won't eat it, even if its things he likes. He likes pizza, chicken & ham. But you'd never get him to eat a chicken & ham pizza!
Tom fod
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Posts: 2946
Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 9:05 pm
Location: SW UK

Re: Hello :)

Post by Tom fod »

You're welcome

Thanks for elaborating and apologies if my response missed the point at all. There is quite a range of symptoms and severity. It may be worth asking him to consider what solutions might work best for him and support and encourage him in trying out various options

Have you had any contact with the Dyspraxia Foundation and have they been of any help. Do feel free to ask more questions here or look at past conversations perform keyword searches using our search option for ideas he/you might adapt to suit. It's possible other members may offer suggestions/thoughts.

Dislike of certain textures is not uncommon. My brother would eat boiled potatoes but not mashed. Same goes for clothes and how they feel against the skin.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
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