Offering empathy from Australia

[Jane]

Hi, I'm Jane in Melbourne, Australia.

To those just discovering their dyspraxia I empathise. I am nearing 50 years with it and understand the frustration, ridicule, bullying and unsympathetic behaviour that you may have received.

I was born in the 1960s and spent part of my childhood in the UK where my parents were advised I was a 'clumsy child' when I started nursery school.

I could not run without falling, knocked things over, would lose my balance for no reason. I couldn't sit on a swing because the movement was too overwhelming and I would faint or fall off. I couldn't ride a bicycle - in spite of many people's best efforts and dogmatic insistence that I was "just being silly". I couldn't do a handstand or a cartwheel.

At the time, my parents immediately enrolled me in ballet school to "Give me some grace". What it did was help me to focus on my individual movements and the constant repetition of exercises did help me to grasp the necessary skills. It also built up my core strength which helped keep me upright when I felt myself falling. I think things like focus, repetition and determination may be a key to managing parts of the disorder.

My parents applied the same kind of rote learning when it came to my handwriting. In primary school I held my pen wrong, approached my strokes upside down and could not contain or control my hand. So I was given graph paper and taught to practise my letters within each box. Over and over, as if I were learning a special calligraphy. It worked. I also became able to draw well enough to go to art school.

I had teachers who claimed I had learning difficulties, and sent me to remedial classes. Yet I could do a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle like it was a walk in the park. The remedial tutors and a child psychologist noted that I was intelligent. I just happened to approach my thinking differently.

I could see the answers to problems and questions posed in class in my mind, I just had a rather abstract way of tracing back to the question posed. So apparently if just allowed to learn in my own way I could top the class. This did not go down well with my school. I was bullied by staff and students alike.

My childhood felt solitary and disconnected. I frequently had time off school for tonsilitis and asthma too. I knew I was different and incapable of fitting in. I could not relate in the way others could and I could not wait to grow up to be out of such a rigid system of conformity.

So I have been aware since childhood of my brain not being able to process certain movements and act as others do. It has always seemed obvious to me that often my brain was missing a connection allowing it the ability to communicate to my muscles. Sometimes when I am climbing stairs I will feel that connection drop out like a bad wifi connection and my right ankle will not know what to do. I then fall up those stairs, much to my humiliation.

In Australia I have been unable to get anyone to understand this. Dyspraxia here is more noted in cases of brain damage resulting in speech impairment or obvious physical disability.

When Daniel Radcliffe mentioned Dyspraxia I finally had a name to put to this. It was a huge relief. I then heard that an uncle is the same. Our family has a history of several generations where some are on the autism spectrum, so it made sense to me.

What I have learned is that some aspects of the condition can be improved through dogged determination and conditioning.

At 12 years old I was fed up with not being able to play on the swings like everybody else, so I practiced pushing down against the overwhelming feelings until I could shut them off and actually enjoy riding on a swing. I even have managed a few fairground rides but I'm not a fan.

I haven't been able to ride a bicycle because sometimes my legs just won't work no matter what and then I topple off.

I also have learned that if my confidence is undermined by teasing or rude remarks, I become vulnerable to that panicky anxious feeling, whereupon I lose the ability that I have cultivated and revert back to original form.

Stress can bump up my cortisol levels to the point where under major trauma, parts of my memory are scrubbed. The first time this happened I suffered an extremely traumatic event in my teens which wiped out 6 years of music tuition and rendered me unable to read music or play an instrument. More recently stress caused me to be unable to speak. A speech pathologist and hypnotherapy worked to help me regain my voice.

In this forum I read about the Moro Reflex in relation to dyspraxia which has spoken to a whole range of physical issues I suffer - which I had not realised were related to this condition. I am now seeking ways to turn my life around so that I can heal these ailments and manage my dyspraxia better.

[Tom fod]

Hi Jane

Welcome to our forums and thanks for your introduction.

I'm finding I''m better at caring less about people who can't accept me, if they so choose. Sometimes reconciling it's their loss is not always easy but there is nothing to gain from those who undervalue us.

[Moot]

Welcome to the forum, Jane. Hope you find this place of use.