Hello all

[harrydance83]

I am a 31 year old male, living in London.

I have only in the last year or so, after some research and discussion with dyspraxic people, come to the conclusion that I am dyspraxic. Indeed, I have gone through life so far having no support for my percieved 'weaknesses'. Consequently I feel somewhat bitter at the thought that, had the condition better known while I was at school, I could have received support rather than being humiliated and hindered for my percieved flaws.

This has continued throughout my life, and at one point even cost me my job. Although it was the losing of that job which spurred me to research what was 'wrong' with me.

So what is 'wrong' with me?

I am very clumsy, and have no interest in watching or partaking in sports (although I don't think that's a particularly bad thing, there are far better things to do with one's time). I have a proclivity for depression and my moods can be incredibly erratic. I have many good, creative ideas, but I am often unable to think of ways to see them through to their conclusion. I have very little 'get up and go'. My organisational skills are incredibly poor, and I am very messy. I have very little understanding of numbers, and when I say very little understanding of numbers, I mean I have such a rudimentary grasp of numbers that I believe everyone I have ever spoken to about money, times, dates, etc, must believe I'm incredibly lazy or stupid because I cannot help but zone out when numbers are involved. I have a very low attention span. I have trouble with binary, and this affects everything I think, from forming opinions to decision making. I have very poor short term memory. I can be emotionally cold, and overly logical, not taking people's emotions into account. I can also be intensely emotional. Sometimes I can be too cold and too emotional at the same time, somehow. I have very quick temper, and am impatient. I constantly worry about things I cannot control. I can be compulsive and unpredictable, and exhibit addictive behaviour. When a way of doing things is established - and this applies throughout all areas of my life - I have extreme trouble doing things differently. E.g., I always go to the same place for lunch, etc, etc. When I'm having an argument I will rarely stop arguing even when it's clear that it's time to let the subject drop. I can be socially awkward and have trouble meeting new people, although once I have got to know someone I am quite warm and I believe I am a good friend, although I have trouble reading social cues even when I have known someone for a long time.

There's also quite a lot right with me, but I just wanted to get the above off my chest.

The reason I have not been diagnosed is simply because I missed my chance in school, and to be diagnosed privately costs far too much money. That said, the more I read about dyspraxia, the more convincied I become that I have it.

I am looking forward to reading up on dyspraxia, and discovering that there are many people 'in the same boat' as me.

Thank you for reading if you made it this far!

[Tom fod]

Hi Harry

Welcome to our community.

I can certainly relate to what you've written. I'm no sport fan either. I find I have a tendency to worry more about what I might have done wrong or awkwardly than what I've done well or perfectly acceptably. I think we become hyper aware of criticism and have a morbid fear that people are watching and waiting for us to fail. However no one can get everything right all of the time and they ought to be concentrating on their own lives or at least being neutral.

Getting an official diagnosis is a lottery for adults but it may be worth talking to your GP about if you feel the need for official recognition. If you were ever in the position where you were at an Employment Tribunal an official diagnosis could be useful n your defence.

I hope you find the site useful in forming strategies to feel more at ease about yourself and to look forwards rather than back. We're often very good at determination and persistence but not always so good at judging when it's ok or right to let go.

All the best

[Moot]

Welcome to the forum, Harry!

I am very poor socially, too. I hope you d/won't concentrate too much on the negative, though.