heya XXX

[krackerz1590]

heya found this site when looking for information and support for someone else my SENCO and paedtrician didn't accept i had this condition but my special baby care unit nurse said her neice had it and mum described to her some stuff i'd be struggling and finding difficult and i fit perfectly all the signs she said!!! my SENCO and paedtrician said my mum wanted 'the attention' of saying i had this!!! like she was suffering from MBP!!! when all they've done better job than teachers etc ever did my mum said i wouldn't 'wish this on my child for one moment my mum in the end insisted i was tested officially my mum wrote down a long lost of signs i was already showing and that they could see from my development and learning patterns my mum was praying the day i was tested i come in with shoes on wrong feet and buttons done up wrong and from that he agreed my mum was right but until that could see no signs don't know how!!! looking at this list i can see 'the two' overlap together and are connected linked in s'ame family chains' looking back i see all the signs in situations i was put in and the way i acted and behaved but i was negatively treated and labelled alot of the time in the education system which in turn the already low self esteem due to 'it lurking' became worse and bad!

i had OT/PT for my dyspraxia as had tight hamstrings did various exercises try and imrpove signs balance motor skills etc which mean't being pulled out of lessons i had so much homework in a booklet i used get so tired frustrated angry etc so made feel 'different' at a young age even in infants school i classed as SEN i used to wet myself alot and take my knickers off for no reason my peers laughed at me my handwriting was messy found hard task to do and dress myself after PE makes so ashamed and embarrassing to face i couldn't brush my hair my dad did it and found hard to understand concepts of homework given and failed to see the meaning i knew dyspraxia had alot of signs there but knew there was 'something more' behind hidden more than dyspraxia but like it too!struggled with time /maths science , no sense of direction disorganised short term memory loss

at 14 years old that's when i MH became comprised and i felt 'wrong' bad horrid weird strange like dyspraxia didn't 'fit' on it's own like something else there that described me but i didn't know exactly what from GP i was referred to general counsellor she saw for herself i was presenting agorphoic symptoms ,self harming behaviour and socially withdrawn depressed and anxious i didn't understand what was happening i was lost confused etc

i was then refrred from general counsellor to complex Difficulties Clinic in CAMHS i was asssesed by clinical pyschologist and a LD nurse and they straight away knew what it was all signs match one condition that is related to dyspraxia AS -Asperger's Syndrome at 16 years old had anger violent behaviour displayed towards mum but dad and brother aswell and tried to commit suicide by Overdosing on couple of times ending up A & E hosp until early hours of morning having police and ambulance called on one occassion i sank into deep spiral depression dark place and want it all over and feel DON'T belong anywhere i was put on prozac and then risperdal (risperdone) none of which helped at all!


i write now write poetry about my situations and experiences i had in my life to make people more aware and understand how daily life is a struggle and can be very worn down and mentally tiring it can get annoying get so mad , crazy at times whwre don't know what to do with yourself

i went to college for 3 years i studied child care level 1 foundation course then BTEC Dipolma in Health and Social Care level 2 then went on and did child care level2 award and certificate only i i did voluntary work at severe LD centre/service and did nursery where i work now part time as bank staff

i was referred from MH occupational therapist as only shirt term basis i now get support and help from NAS ( National Autistic Society) i have 2 support ladies ones my key worker i love themn both i trust them alot!

i self gharm on and off due to MH probs i have still!