Is my life screwed?

Getting assessed for your dyspraxia, getting help, disability allowance etc.

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Rowan25
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Is my life screwed?

Post by Rowan25 » Sun Jul 31, 2016 2:54 am

Hello my name is Rowan and I'm 19 and will be turning 20 in October, but I've hit a wall recently and don't know where to continue. Before I go into this I'll give you a brief history of my life.
Since the age of 5, my parents split up and I lived with my dad and my mum visited twice a week. My dad also worked until 10 some days and until 2 on others. This inconsistent schedule meant that I was looked after a lot more by my grandparents. Although I was also diagnosed with dyspraxia (at a similar time as my parents' seperation) they denied it and made no provisions for me to improve with my dyspraxia, so I spent a lot of time watching TV with them and generally did less fun activities. They also did not allow me to play outside of my road (meaning I missed out on seeing friends from school and building up my social skills). I had friends on my road but one who I got on with well also conversely clashed with my shy, anxious and easily swayed personality. My grandparents' crazy obsession with their neighbours convinced me that I was surrounded by mean people and fuelled my paranoia which has lasted to this day.
Meanwhile at school I wasn't receiving the help I needed and was even berated for making errors within school by teachers and pupils- the paranoia made me feel that I was useless. Despite this, I was able to show my talents in certain areas but I also feel that I was not nurtured and would have been capable of achieving great things in my life. Instead I came out with Bs and Cs at GCSE ,with no help whatsoever with my dyspraxia, and the stress manifested in me only managing to revise for about an hour a subject. Now for a clearer picture, the school I went to is well-respected one but is completely useless in dealing with special educational needs students and brackets them all together as students who can't behave or learn and must be taught how to in the most patronising way (stamps were provided for turning up for example). Anyway, A-levels came along and despite receiving support at a college my complete lack of ability to study completely hampered my results. I've had to retake my second year and have failed again.
I feel now that my life is completely mucked up. I always wanted to achieve a lot but I never developed the skill sets to do so and now despite having a chance to have a moderately okay life I have even mucked this up. I have a place to study English Language & Linguistics at university and my plan is to do this and then do maths and science so that I can finally achieve something but it feels too late. Right now I feel so numb and incapable of doing things and just feel so lost. Did my family, school, or environment around me cause me to not live up to my potential? Or is it just me all along? Can I still achieve in life?

Tom fod
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Re: Is my life screwed?

Post by Tom fod » Sun Jul 31, 2016 11:13 pm

Hi Rowan and welcome

I can understand your worries and I sense like me, you're your own harshest critic and the beratings you've received over the years have resulted in your becoming a bit of a perfectionist who worries?

It's encouraging that you can recognise that your grandparents view was not necessarily always correct and they were in many ways too overprotective. People have will have different perspectives based on their own experiences and understanding/perception of their place in society.

That said, I'm probably out of touch myself and maybe a little too set in my ways. I sat my GCSEs and A Levels 20+ years ago now; (I don't think my results were as good as yours. I had to retake GCSE Maths twice to get to the C I wanted). I didn't properly understand why I was different and Dyspraxia was never really explained to me.

I have quite a tendency to still feel a bit upset and useless at times even as a result of small errors that can be put right or overcome or aren't really worth worrying about in the first place (yet I still do). I'm moderately visually impaired and don't drive which is something that has had an impact on my confidence that said I'm doing OK now in that I'm financially independent and much happier career wise, though it's been a long haul and horribly difficult at times and there are things I wish I could change (if that was even an option).

What are your aspirations career wise? I never had much of a clue and not driving,whilst living in a rural area were additional challenges. I just want to say hang in there, academic results, while looking good on paper are only a part of a bigger picture and attitude is of most importance . Skills such as being able to learn from mistakes, Being able to work/engage well with others and coping with uncertainty are valuable skills that you'll use long after you and your employer have forgotten what GCSEs, A Levels and other certificates you attained.

Hope this is in some way helpful/reassuring. Please feel free to point out anything I might have overlooked or you feel I've got wrong.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

michele
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Location: Illinois, USA (UK heritage)

Re: Is my life screwed?

Post by michele » Fri Aug 12, 2016 2:39 pm

Rowan,

I can relate to you in many ways. I am USA based and 40...so I came through the system with almost antisupport. Like you I never learned how to truely succeed in school and I am horrible at so many embarassingly basic life tasks. Perhaps for you it is not to latè to gain the remedial schoolastic assistance you need. But. If there is one thing my screwed up life has taught me it is even if my life is hopelessly ruined on the standard scale....I can still carve out bits anr pieces of happiness and success for myself. I just wish there was any recognition of what we hav3 achieved through hard work...I do not care if it is easy to do certain things for people without these typesnof hidden disabilities...and I am also tired of no support or path to true success when we can and excel at the complex while struggling for the simple. Get back on the mainstre!m path if you can....but know that life as a failure or ghost in the eyes of society is hard but you don't have to listen...sometimes all you can do is try to find a path of your own. And find a very different way to define your life.
"When none of the offfical paths lead you anywhere good there is a simple solution...forget about roads."

mynameis
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Joined: Sat Aug 13, 2016 10:56 pm

Re: Is my life screwed?

Post by mynameis » Sun Aug 14, 2016 11:31 am

Hi, I think I can understand how you feel and I know it's not easy being dyspraxic but it's not the end of the world. I went through sixth form with no friends and I wasn't happy with my results at the end but I managed to get into uni through clearing. I think that if you have a place at university then you shouldn't worry too much about where you're life is going because you can make a fresh start at finding friends, particularly with the people you are living with as well as coursemates and society members. Another benefit of being at uni is that there are workshops and whatnot for people with dyspraxia so you should be able to find the support you've always needed.

All the best.

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