I want to LIVE!

[Semper Solus]

Hey, all.
As you can undoubtedly tell by my demeanor, I'm not from the United Kingdom.
I am, however, very, very desperate.

My name is Semper Solus, and I am 21 years old. I am a self-diagnosed dyspraxic and a professionally diagnosed Aspergian. I've also been diagnosed with ADD, OCD, SAD... When I want to impress people, I put them after my name and pretend they're degrees.

As you can tell, I adhere to proper spelling and grammar rather rigidly. I consider myself an intellectual, an erudite, and an artistic man of science with rather lofty goals.

All of that brain, mind, is contained inside a pathetic person with poor proprioception.
I can't write (quickly). I can't shave (well). I can't walk down a flight of stairs without holding out my arms.

I learned to walk when I was two, and I was toilet trained at age five. I learned to tie my shoes when I was nine, but I couldn't physically do it until I was 11. It still takes me 5 minutes, and I can never find Velcro in my size.

The worst, however, would have to be the astonishingly aesthetic aspersions to which this astute Aspergian aspires.

I like comics. A lot. I like music. I like theater.
I've always dreamed of making things, and showing them to people. Of performing.

But, well...
My webcomics (here) updates only a paltry 550 x 850 pixels twice a week. It takes me about 2 days to draw a page, and that's because I am currently off school and unemployed. It feels so frustrating not being able to draw quickly enough (or well enough, for that matter).

I used to play the piano when I was younger, but the pieces became harder and harder, and I stayed the same.
One day my mother decided the lessons were a waste of money, and I stopped.
Not being able to play is one of my biggest regrets.

I trip a lot. I stumble. I can't draw, play music, or dance. My body feels dead and numb. I stem all of these grievances from my inability to perceive space, from my inability to move the way I want, from my poor reflexes.
From my Dyspraxia.

I am not looking for a way to live with my condition; I'm looking for a way to fix it. I can't keep living like a bird in a cage.
I want a fulfilling life.

Does anyone, anywhere, have any suggestions?

~ Semper Solus.
(PS: Sorry for the novel! I guess I got carried away.)

[Roxy86]

HI Semper, I hope that this reply, finds you well

First of all, a very big 'Welcome' to the forum!
You say you are not from the United Kingdom, where is home for you, If I might be so bold as to enquire?

I put myself down, a lot. It sounds as though you do too Although, in reading your post, you seem to have so many things to proud of and have a achieved a great deal. You're clearly love the English language and literature, and are write/type quite eloquent/poetic. Some say I too have 'a way' with words, but I tend to struggle to find the right word to use on occasion, so my apologies if anything I have said has come across in the wrong way, as I feel I am a generally misunderstood individual

Anyhow, I hope you find some of the answers you are looking for on this site

[realitybytes16]

Welcome to the forum, Semper!

I've got to say, reading your post was like reading my own journal, as written by somebody else - I'm 22, and am also someone who takes spelling and grammar seriously, an erudite, etc. I once played guitar, but never seemed to improve, and not being able to play is one of my biggest frustrations. I didn't learn to tie my shoelaces until I was 15 (granted, that was partly due to apathy on my part when I was a child, but I found it so frustrating back then, and indeed, I still do when it takes me ages to tie them...)
I also have a passion for theatre (and acting in general), and wish to perform one day.
And I also desperately want to fix my Dyspraxia...

Sadly, I don't think that'll ever happen. Unless they find a cure! (Scoff!)

When I finally came to understand what my Dyspraxia meant for me, it felt at once like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and then like an even bigger weight had been dumped on them. It meant I knew why I had all these problems, but because it was a permanent and incurable condition rather than an illness or disease, I also knew that it (and likely the problems it brought on me) would be with me forever.
That still gets to me sometimes.
But I have found ways of dealing with some things; I have a horrendous sense of timing, so when I need to remember something for a specific time, I use alarms on my phone to remind me.
Also I recently read about something in a magazine that may help for things like playing music - the 100 day challenge. Set yourself something to do for at least a minimum amount of time (say 30 mins/an hour) and do that every day for 100 days.
Literally every day.
I intend to try this with guitar in the near future, once I have a few other things (like work) sorted. Maybe it can help you with piano?
And with regards to your webcomics, they're pretty entertaining! You're a better artist than me mate, and I like your art-style; you could be a great cartoonist .
To put that statement into perspective, look up an American sitcom with the name 'The Life and Times of Tim'. The show is very funny, but the art-style is ludicrously basic - if that can become a TV show (indeed, one that feels a bit like a webcomic ) then you've got some great stuff where you are right now!

One Phone Call is a piece of art that more people need to see - I love that you can get so much out of a single frame, and that I somehow find Garth very easy to relate to in spite of the fact that I've never been arrested, and he has no visible face...

Its simplicity makes it complex, which is very impressive, mate .

[screengreen]

For all you guys who cannotation tie shoe laces you may want to look into greepers (tied once and then tightened using a toggle simolar to a rucksack) or elastic shoe laces...... does not solve all the issues but makes getting out the house a little quicker!

[Shambles]

Hello Semper.
I adore your name! It sounds wonderfully profound and eccentric. Also, the way you write is quite appealing, your love for language is something I share.

In reciprocation to your actual post, I can relate to many of the things you have mentioned. I have not been diagnosed with anything, but do suffer from SA.
Like you, I didn't learn to walk independently until I was two, and still have trouble walking to some degree. Walking into people/things and tripping over thin air is something I am naturally talented at. ... This clumsiness is also manifested in my inability to operate a knife and fork efficiently, which is probably an issue we have with multi-tasking.

I also share your musical/creative aspirations. When I was at school I made many desperate attempts at joining bands, but failed miserably. Such failure was largely due to having NO sense of rhythm/timing. Continuous practice didn't improve things either. Similarly to you, I regret not learning the instrument to an higher degree.

Unfortunately, the nature of developmental disorders means that their isn't a 'quick fix' or cure for them. There are only ways of coping. Which, probably, isn't what you wished to hear.