Struggling with society and family

[Little Miss Anxious]

how can I pull through this battle? Help me?
I am 24 and I now feel like I am starting to fall down a hill, my confidence has reduced again. I have a mild disability which in the Uk is known as Dyspraxia.

I am from Sligo which is in the republic of Ireland and am told that I am not entitled to a socialworker because my disability is not serious enough. There isn't really any support in my part - time education.

I have failed in my essay on Is Capital Punishment ever justified due to using more than 1000 words, too long statistics which take up about 5pages, poor structure, spelling mistakes, problems with references etc. I didn't leave myself enough time to finish my essay and my essay which was saved on a usb would only let me open a particular word document which had no ABC - help with spelling on it.

I have received a letter today from the housing council saying that my request for housing support has been rejected.

I am facing great challenge with making friends in groups such as a course and starting friendships on the course, where Elliot of people have already gained many friendships since the first or second week of the course. I have a different frame of mind but have just mostly spoke to people about exercises and the topics in class and asked them about their weekend etc. nothing intense.

I am indecisive on decision making when it comes to the course topics where I have to make a category such as Science or Arts because of my frame of mind and passions and a lecturer thinks I should pick Arts because it suits my frame of mind and my disability could go against me if I did science she says.

My enthusiasm has reduced allot due to my indecisiveness, frame of mind and being told that I can only do Arts by my lecture of study skills because she feels that my disability will go against me in science.

My idea of joining social clubs and my social life is very limited because of financial issues and I have been told that I am not entitled to financial support with rent because I have household accommodation available to me even though that is the main reason for me moving out and I refuse to go back and live with my mother and two sisters for personal and stress related reasons.

Why did I leave home?

I left home so that I could have my own privacy, socialise and date without fear of being questioned, criticised, receiving complaint for my sexuality, disputing against how I live my life and dating online etc.

To avoid destructive criticism and hearing complaints against others in the family, receiving blackmail, being guilt tripped, witnessing habits that make feel uncomfortable such as fingers in glasses and dog eating from plate and saucepans etc.

Being accused of being unappreciative or and not helping out in the house, my family expecting me to be home at certain time, up all night waiting for me to come home and wondering I am, invading my personal life which I would like to keep to myself, being judged greatly on my behaviour which is linked to my values, believes, interests and lifestyle for example the question what is the meaning of life and casual sex.

I know that for an essay I need facts, statistics, others views, to give my view and a conclusion etc.
I find it challenging to find the main point in information and understand what statement the person is actually making, cutting the information down as well as giving accurate statistics and facts which stay within the word limit and give me great marks. I don't want to go over the limit but I also don't want to leave out important information which will give me good marks and make sense of my essay. Help????? btw, my job was to persuade the reader that Capital punishment is sometimes necessary, getting that info was quite a challenge as there were more info on it not ever being justified. The lecture said to say on my essay who is for and who is against it including using 2-3 arguments on the topic. I am resenting not doing the same course in another county.

What do I want?

I want to pass the Access Program, experience life in college, release a music album, find out more about Jesus and the prophets, write a book, get rent allowance, get a housing package, get a part - time job, have a good social life which costs very little, stay in a hotel alone over night, go traveling alone or with an organisation such as Pats so I can gain good friendships and reduce many fears of mine, tour the world for culture and gaining knowledge purposes, have many pleasant sexual experience before I settle and have many dates and spend the day in many towns.

I feel that it would only be possible to do most of them if I was leaving alone away from home.

Thanks for listening.



WB.....

[Tim G]

Hi Amey

I read all of your post but its quite hard for me to desifer so I will constrate on what you want over all (listed at the end).
I think that the thing to do is priortise them into order - what do you want the most, what can wait and what is most important etc.

As you said that your getting a housing allowance - thats good but ovesley money is a issue, do you have a student maintaince lone and if so then you probably can't apply to get extra funding from the councell. To rase extra cash I would recomend seeing if you can apply for a burseary and look into part time jobs etc. - That would enable you to meet others and get some money or if you cant find paid work then look into volentery work in somthing which your intrested in - you could get to know some like minded people there.

About support etc - I think you should talk to your unie about study support which is avaiable and also look into the dysabled student alowance - with that you can get study support and assistave softwere etc to help your work and yourself etc.

I think that in perspective its that you have moved out so thats a positive but put your aims and pirorties in order and make a plan as to how to achive them.

[Shadwell]

Hi LMA,

like you I went to Social Services quite a number of times mainly while about the age of 10, they wouldn't let me see my social worker. and only met him when I was 19, and that was because the hostel in the college told my parents I did have a social worker, and his name. well he turned up and basically said to my parents "your son has managed all his school life without me, I can't see what the problem is, and as your son is over 18, then there is nothing we can do for you"

what I would recommend is going to see a charity organisation, I know of one in Wales is called "Wallich Clifford" started by Anton Wallich Clifford, by a search on the internet try finding "The Simon Community", as it is the group he created it as in London in 1963, and have a look for a local office to you by either name. they help with all sorts mainly to do with tennancy support, finances etc.

one thing to remember is don't put up with the first person you get, like I was fobbed off for months when I got my first flat, and ended up owing the waterboard about £600 in the end, as he would say he will sort out the water for me. I given up on him. then I had a problem with the neighbour below. and said I didn't want to go back to the organisation. but we were on our final straw. ie. me living with my parents etc. as the housing association wouldn't do anything apart from evict me.

well I am glad that I did get a different person, and not just been someone who says, and never does anything. because he got me a ground floor flat, he got me away from the neighbour, he always replied to late night phone messages first thing in the morning. and then he sorted out my finances to where I should have been getting with benefits, and getting them indefinate.

he got me out of the flat within 2-3 months of actually starting to see him, a couple of weeks I allowed him, as he went on holiday, and wanted to get back before the swap, as he was also supporting the couple that I did a swap with.

while this does sound like a fairy tale, it has got a happy ending. while it taken more than a year for everything to fall into place, it has meant that I now paid off most of my debts. and got a place to call home. and got a regular income, and out goings.

but go there with maybe your parents, and explain to them the problems you have with the dyspraxia, and tennancy needs, and anything else that you can think of to add to your case, you will then have an informal interview a couple of weeks later whereby they call out to your flat, and they will ask you again for things you said to get the informal interview, and then be like 2 weeks to a month for them to find you a suitable person to take you on.

[Shadwell]

think of the informal interview, it is nothing to panic about at all, that is why it is an informal interview, all they want to do is check that you are living in your flat, and what problems you might have, or what your needs are, and the rest of it is a risk assessment of how likely you are to attack them, and how likely your neighbours are going to attack them and stuff, mainly for insurance purposes.

don't think of it as in if I say the wrong thing, or what if I don't say what help I need, they will have that on file from you asking for an assessment. so just relax.

I was also kind of lucky for my assessment, as I had been to College with the bloke that done my assessment, so I kind of knew him which helped me relax a bit more than I might of done, the only one I didn't know was the lady that joined him for the assessment.

[Shadwell]

but yes I think most of us have been in that situation LMA, my one that was the back breaker at the time, even though it is most of like you said, my parents found out that one of my friends was taking drugs, and as I was friendly with him, there for I must be taking drugs, and they wouldn't accept no as an answer.

ok so I got weird times, yes I was spending quite a bit of money, but the only way I could sleep while in college was either sleeping tablets, or by a social life down the pub. as the pipes in the dorm would bang like ****, and keep banging all night long.

so the only way to get to sleep was either by staying up until the overtiredness really set in, or go out drinking, or taking sleeping tablets, which was really the last resort.

I did somehow manage the year in college, it did nearly kill me, as I was awake most of the week, and then slept most of the weekend.

but what ever you do act as fast as in getting help, and try phoning the companies I suggested, even if they aren't close to Sligo, they can suggest other organisations nearer to you, and possibly give you their national number to phone.

[Little Miss Anxious]

Hey there!

I don't neccessarily understand what any of you are trying to say to me when it comes to getting financial support......

I don't have a housing package or rent allowance and my rent is 100, excluding electricity meter, have no reception for tv or broadband, no cable or satelite dish and my disability allowance is 188.00 per week with no grant.

[Shadwell]

give the organisation a call tomorrow, it can't hurt. as they deal with all sorts, not just one thing, but they will be able to help sort out your rent issue. but someone like Wallich do everything you need, like filling out forms, information, help with neighbours, problems with tennancy, which being left 88.00 a week before shopping and other bills is classed as a problem. and they do do events, and meetings for people if interested. they aren't just a 1 stop shop.

all I know is that to be on benefits, then benefits should pay, or if in College/Uni full time then they should pay most of the rent as a grant or loan. but then it is your responsible to pay the difference.

if on a part time course, then I am not sure who pays what. but some arganisation would, another option is to goto citizens advice, but from personal experience they don't have the man power, or the training to do very much.

[Little Miss Anxious]

What organisation are you talking about?

I live in Sligo in the republic of Ireland.......

[Shadwell]

here is one web-site I found for you.
http://www.focusireland.ie/index.php/ou ... ices-sligo,

and here is the number for Simon Community, which was founded by Anton-Wallich Clifford, but don't know why it looks like they offer a London number to phone, but it is the only number I can seem to find apart from an 0870 number:
North West Simon Community (Donegal, Leitrim and Sligo)
Tel: 071-9851680 Email: nwsimon@eircom.net