I found this text in the civil service guide to dyspraxia and dyslexia:
source: http://www.civilservice.gov.uk/diversit ... /index.asp
"A disabled person does not have to be grateful for reasonable adjustment any more than a non-disabled person has to be grateful for steps up a hill or lights in a dark room."
I quite like that. My acquaintances at the moment are feeling quite resentful that I receive extra time in examinations and am eligible for free photocopying and printing at my university, and that I should be grateful that I get help at all, especially since they find writing everything down in lectures etc difficult. My mother, in particular sees it more as a "scrounging tool" rather than attempting to make me equal with other people on my course.
So, at the moment, I've been too nervous to collect my "please disregard my grammar etc" stickers, and I feel too bad to go to the meeting to assess what tools could help. I also haven't claimed the free photocopying and printing, merely printing at home and not really photocopying anything I need from textbooks, meaning I run out of time copying it down by hand before the library closes at 10pm or I have work etc.
Even after a year or so of thinking I may have dyspraxia, it took a nervous breakdown ( due to other stuff as well ) and a threatening sounding "you really should get it done" from one of my counsellors at the time to actually phone up and book the assessment.
Because both of my parents managed to do very well despite extreme mitigating circumstances, I feel bad claiming the help I'm told that I need. Plus because my mother mangles her words as well I just figured until after 6th form that it was a personality thing rather than a possible disability.
( I'm directing this question mainly to the older strata of this forum, but anyone can answer ) Do you often feel nervous to claim the help you require because you feel that you're not worth it? Did an atmosphere of "everyone has personal problems get over it" mask your disability for longer than it should have been?
Getting the bits: laptop, dictaphone etc
Moderator: Moderator Team
Hey arthmelow!
Again, this is an experience that I can only too well relate to. I totally understand what you mean and I think it is very sad that people have to be treated this way.
When I needed to use a computer for yr11 and yr12 to do exams, teachers found this an “unfair advantage†(nb. Although I got to use a computer I was NOT allowed extra time!!). I got extra time to handwrite and again, this was considered unfair to the other students. I cannot adequately describe on a post how I was treated. Because my cerebral palsy is mild and I am able to compensate very well, people think that I should do everything just like someone without a disability.
having been treated like that, when I got to university I felt so badly about myself and felt that my disability counted as nothing at all. I also felt that all my difficuties were my own fault. People think its just about not being well coordinated but it is so much more.
For the first year at university I didn’t take any provisions at all because I felt how you feel now. I didn't take my provisiosn (which was extra time for exams) because i was tired of feeling like a cheat and hearing 'but everyone has these problems'. I sort of felt like the only way to cope was to pretend to myself that my disability didnt exist but this was impossible. The changing moment was when i learned that there were other people with a similiar problems and similiar experiences... and that my problems were very real and did count. So from second year on, I gained the confidence to take provisions for exams.
All I can say is that there are people out there who do understand and it is very unfortunate that we have to be treated like this. Every person has the right to be able to fulfil her/his potential and I think that quote was perfect.
Again, this is an experience that I can only too well relate to. I totally understand what you mean and I think it is very sad that people have to be treated this way.
When I needed to use a computer for yr11 and yr12 to do exams, teachers found this an “unfair advantage†(nb. Although I got to use a computer I was NOT allowed extra time!!). I got extra time to handwrite and again, this was considered unfair to the other students. I cannot adequately describe on a post how I was treated. Because my cerebral palsy is mild and I am able to compensate very well, people think that I should do everything just like someone without a disability.
having been treated like that, when I got to university I felt so badly about myself and felt that my disability counted as nothing at all. I also felt that all my difficuties were my own fault. People think its just about not being well coordinated but it is so much more.
For the first year at university I didn’t take any provisions at all because I felt how you feel now. I didn't take my provisiosn (which was extra time for exams) because i was tired of feeling like a cheat and hearing 'but everyone has these problems'. I sort of felt like the only way to cope was to pretend to myself that my disability didnt exist but this was impossible. The changing moment was when i learned that there were other people with a similiar problems and similiar experiences... and that my problems were very real and did count. So from second year on, I gained the confidence to take provisions for exams.
All I can say is that there are people out there who do understand and it is very unfortunate that we have to be treated like this. Every person has the right to be able to fulfil her/his potential and I think that quote was perfect.
yes, i did feel like that for a very long time. now that i am older i feel a bit more confident about things.Do you often feel nervous to claim the help you require because you feel that you're not worth it?
Most definitely yes!Did an atmosphere of "everyone has personal problems get over it" mask your disability for longer than it should have been?
"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."
"Normal refers to someone who hasn’t had enough tests!"
"Normal refers to someone who hasn’t had enough tests!"
Well (he typed using the computer that his LEA paid for) I had the advantage of a very supportive (if interfearing) mother. I was always told that it was okay to have these things and never really felt bad about claiming them. Except for the prize I recieved for most improved math award in year 9ish (80% increase, sounds impressive till you realise the first one got a 0 because the teacher couldn't read it)
My friends have never criticised the tools that I've recieved and permission to use a computer in my exams. To some extent one or two were envious and asked me how they could fake it to get a free computer for themselves (I told them that if I had to read psychology textbooks then so did they :P)
Over the last few years I have felt rather self-critical about it however. I'm always of the opinion that there's no sense in subverting a system designed to provide information. So if I felt that some advantage I recieved would make an exam result disproportionate to my marks I've tried (and generally had the willpower) not to use it. For example I can't think of a job or research position I'd go for where I couldn't use a computer, so I see no problems with my using a computer in the exams. However I know my typespeed far exceeds most peoples writing speed so I do feel a bit bad about the extra time thing, since I'm already getting a time boost off that which more than comphensates for any problems dyspraxia causes me. (That being said, I don't see why many exams are timed anyway, how often will it make a difference whether it takes one hour or two to recall a given piece of information)
I'm not suggesting that this approach is right for you, it probably isn't. Trying to force my philosophies onto someone else is against my philosophies :P I just think that the important thing is to have your own morality and stick to it. Nobody else can tell you what's right or wrong for you to do or to have. You know in your heart what's right and what isn't for you. Go with that and ignore, debate or engage (as suits your beleifs and temprement) anyone who tells you that you're doing it wrong.
I've never been shy of getting help because I felt I was wans't worth it. Hell I figure that if someones willing to spend thousands of pounds on it they must belive that I'm worth it and they're the experts so I guess I should listen to them ;)
I think that there is a prevailing attitude of "everyones got problems, why do yours deserve special consideration?" and to an extend I sympathise with the viewpoint. I mean someone ending a long term relationship in the exam period will have results unrepresentative of their abilities without any aid and they probably won't get it, what right do I have to more provision that that (hypoethical) person? The answer is none, but I disagree with the conclusion that therefore I shouldn't have provisions. Clearly My Hypothetical should. However everyones got a problem of some level or another, so if everyones getting provisions for that and we all get 10% extra time, then won't exam times simply be dropped 10%? Then again everyones got different levels so you could base it on how much of a problem each person has, except for that it becomes an administrative and beurocratic nightmare.
One of my friends has had some seriously bad things done to her, they seriously affects her to this day. The effects cannot be easily classified into a mental disorder and they happened before she started her course so she gets no academic help. I cannot, in any possible universe, justify why I should get help and she should not.
I guess my point is this. The world is unfair, there are a lot of people who deserve some sort of provision and don't get it. The world is unfair. I have got it (I don't know how many of you guys do) and the system is relatively well set up to deal with my problems. The world is unfair and it's unfair in my favor.
I'm not at all suprised to see that there is a lot of resentment for this sort of thing. It's irrational and there's certainly nothing wrong with my being given the same chance as a normal person, but at the same time I understand that there are a lot of people who aren't getting that chance. People who are probably classified as normal people on paper.
Some people will be bastards about it, in my alevels someone threatened to throw my laptop out of the window before one of the exams, that's wrong. But it's understandably wrong.
I'm not sure if I'm making any sense so I'd best stop waffling now.
My friends have never criticised the tools that I've recieved and permission to use a computer in my exams. To some extent one or two were envious and asked me how they could fake it to get a free computer for themselves (I told them that if I had to read psychology textbooks then so did they :P)
Over the last few years I have felt rather self-critical about it however. I'm always of the opinion that there's no sense in subverting a system designed to provide information. So if I felt that some advantage I recieved would make an exam result disproportionate to my marks I've tried (and generally had the willpower) not to use it. For example I can't think of a job or research position I'd go for where I couldn't use a computer, so I see no problems with my using a computer in the exams. However I know my typespeed far exceeds most peoples writing speed so I do feel a bit bad about the extra time thing, since I'm already getting a time boost off that which more than comphensates for any problems dyspraxia causes me. (That being said, I don't see why many exams are timed anyway, how often will it make a difference whether it takes one hour or two to recall a given piece of information)
I'm not suggesting that this approach is right for you, it probably isn't. Trying to force my philosophies onto someone else is against my philosophies :P I just think that the important thing is to have your own morality and stick to it. Nobody else can tell you what's right or wrong for you to do or to have. You know in your heart what's right and what isn't for you. Go with that and ignore, debate or engage (as suits your beleifs and temprement) anyone who tells you that you're doing it wrong.
I've never been shy of getting help because I felt I was wans't worth it. Hell I figure that if someones willing to spend thousands of pounds on it they must belive that I'm worth it and they're the experts so I guess I should listen to them ;)
I think that there is a prevailing attitude of "everyones got problems, why do yours deserve special consideration?" and to an extend I sympathise with the viewpoint. I mean someone ending a long term relationship in the exam period will have results unrepresentative of their abilities without any aid and they probably won't get it, what right do I have to more provision that that (hypoethical) person? The answer is none, but I disagree with the conclusion that therefore I shouldn't have provisions. Clearly My Hypothetical should. However everyones got a problem of some level or another, so if everyones getting provisions for that and we all get 10% extra time, then won't exam times simply be dropped 10%? Then again everyones got different levels so you could base it on how much of a problem each person has, except for that it becomes an administrative and beurocratic nightmare.
One of my friends has had some seriously bad things done to her, they seriously affects her to this day. The effects cannot be easily classified into a mental disorder and they happened before she started her course so she gets no academic help. I cannot, in any possible universe, justify why I should get help and she should not.
I guess my point is this. The world is unfair, there are a lot of people who deserve some sort of provision and don't get it. The world is unfair. I have got it (I don't know how many of you guys do) and the system is relatively well set up to deal with my problems. The world is unfair and it's unfair in my favor.
I'm not at all suprised to see that there is a lot of resentment for this sort of thing. It's irrational and there's certainly nothing wrong with my being given the same chance as a normal person, but at the same time I understand that there are a lot of people who aren't getting that chance. People who are probably classified as normal people on paper.
Some people will be bastards about it, in my alevels someone threatened to throw my laptop out of the window before one of the exams, that's wrong. But it's understandably wrong.
I'm not sure if I'm making any sense so I'd best stop waffling now.
i guess we are all different to some extent to each other in how we internalize this kind of stuff.
i tend to expect people to see through me and see that i'm a faker and just interested in making life easy for myself and getting an unfair advantage over others. i have a life time of experience of feeling somehow less able than others and hiding it. the person who did my evaluation said that she was convinced that it was dyslexic and that i was very heavily compensated.
so i've allways felt like i could cope because i have done so in the past and when the pressure is on me i've allways been able to perform exceptionaly well. however, i've allways known what an effort it has been and can never maintain it for very long as i get very tired. therefore, i've allways beleived that i was very lazy, even though i've allways been a very hard worker. therefore, you could say that i've allways felt like i've had something to prove to myself and other because i've allways felt like i have had a secret (i find every thing hard) and i'm worried that people would see that so i've had to excell or avoid.
i've been on my own for 44 years with this stuff,taking responsibility for it and hoping that i was realy just like everyone else and that one day what i worked so hard to acheive would coe easily to me like it appeared to come to everone else. i'm not so naive as to think that if you are NT that means that life is a doodle but what i do know is that it means that they dont have a spiked graph and that their working memory is not dissproportinate to their verbal comprehension, they dont get tired and struggle to find word to say what they want to say, unless of course they are simply not that bright.
therefore, when i get the extra time in exams and get to use the computer, i feel like i'm getting what i need and not extra help beyond my requirments. but i still have the bagage of the past and old feelings ofinadequacy and the belief that i should be able to deal with myself but now i try and push those old ideas out of my head. i do need the help and all it is doing is finaly making it a more level playing field.
one last point greg when you mention you friend who is affected by past events, guessing hear but it sounds like abuse issues ?? my original DSA is bassed on substance abuse and emotion and mental issues, i got the lap top, extra time in exams, free internet and book allowances ect ect. this is all based on the premise that i got more stress and would tire more than other people and would not be able to cope with stressful problems as well as other and therefore i needed help. if your friend had been the victim of abuse and sufferes anxiety and depression as a result she/ he could still make applications through the lea for a DSA and should talk to a disability officer at the university for the best way of approaching this. just an idea, i could be way of the mark but people get help for a wide range of problems where dyslexia and dysphraxia are just some of them.
i tend to expect people to see through me and see that i'm a faker and just interested in making life easy for myself and getting an unfair advantage over others. i have a life time of experience of feeling somehow less able than others and hiding it. the person who did my evaluation said that she was convinced that it was dyslexic and that i was very heavily compensated.
so i've allways felt like i could cope because i have done so in the past and when the pressure is on me i've allways been able to perform exceptionaly well. however, i've allways known what an effort it has been and can never maintain it for very long as i get very tired. therefore, i've allways beleived that i was very lazy, even though i've allways been a very hard worker. therefore, you could say that i've allways felt like i've had something to prove to myself and other because i've allways felt like i have had a secret (i find every thing hard) and i'm worried that people would see that so i've had to excell or avoid.
i've been on my own for 44 years with this stuff,taking responsibility for it and hoping that i was realy just like everyone else and that one day what i worked so hard to acheive would coe easily to me like it appeared to come to everone else. i'm not so naive as to think that if you are NT that means that life is a doodle but what i do know is that it means that they dont have a spiked graph and that their working memory is not dissproportinate to their verbal comprehension, they dont get tired and struggle to find word to say what they want to say, unless of course they are simply not that bright.
therefore, when i get the extra time in exams and get to use the computer, i feel like i'm getting what i need and not extra help beyond my requirments. but i still have the bagage of the past and old feelings ofinadequacy and the belief that i should be able to deal with myself but now i try and push those old ideas out of my head. i do need the help and all it is doing is finaly making it a more level playing field.
one last point greg when you mention you friend who is affected by past events, guessing hear but it sounds like abuse issues ?? my original DSA is bassed on substance abuse and emotion and mental issues, i got the lap top, extra time in exams, free internet and book allowances ect ect. this is all based on the premise that i got more stress and would tire more than other people and would not be able to cope with stressful problems as well as other and therefore i needed help. if your friend had been the victim of abuse and sufferes anxiety and depression as a result she/ he could still make applications through the lea for a DSA and should talk to a disability officer at the university for the best way of approaching this. just an idea, i could be way of the mark but people get help for a wide range of problems where dyslexia and dysphraxia are just some of them.
I'm not willing to give private details about my friends life on a public forum, so I've been purposefully vauge (probably vauger than I need to be, but I figure when it comes to a confidence it's better safe than sorry). The obstacle she's run into is that you need something that can be proven to apply for mitigations (which is more of a uni issue than an LEA issue, she has got some things through the DSA, but as I understand it the LEA can't force the uni mitigations team to act differently, they can only make reccomendations)
Some things it's very hard to prove the direct effect of, especially if there isn't a manifestation that's easily diagnosed (such as the depression and anxiety issues you put forwards)
This is a tangent and I'm having to tread on eggshells to avoid saying something that I shouldn't so I'd rather not discuss it further. For what it's worth thank you for trying to help, she's investigating her options as best she can. She's a strong person, she'll find a way.
Some things it's very hard to prove the direct effect of, especially if there isn't a manifestation that's easily diagnosed (such as the depression and anxiety issues you put forwards)
This is a tangent and I'm having to tread on eggshells to avoid saying something that I shouldn't so I'd rather not discuss it further. For what it's worth thank you for trying to help, she's investigating her options as best she can. She's a strong person, she'll find a way.