Going around in circles- trying to help myself.

[Artful Angel]

Hi.
Feb this year I had to wake up to the fact that there was more to my unemployability than laziness.
An assessment with an educational psychologist indicated a strong likelihood of dyspraxia. Having read up about it since, I am becoming more and more convinced.
I have difficulities that affect my work performance- following instructions, memory and bad co-ordination and organisation and the time management stuff as well.
I am almost 47 and a trained nurse although I struggled with that and had a job in 2005 that ended up disasterously. That knocked my already low confidence and since then worked voluntarily for my husband and did some freelance writing for nursing journals. However I could not do either well enough or fast enough to make them viable as a way to make a living and this resulted in debts and my husbands business has just about gone bust.
Since I have admitted defeat and tried to get some help I keep getting contradictory advice as to where I can go for help. I have been told that I need to be on benefits before I can go on an Access to Work Programme but am struggling to get the benefits because of my erratice work history and contributions which I can not attribute to the masked difficulites I experienced.
Now I am in the position where my doctor has signed me off sick- after my husband told her that if I had not been his wife he would have sacked me several times over( damaging stock, messing up work, needing too much supervision, not being able to do the job even after 4-5 years of being taught), and arranged for me to go to a memory clinic to rule out stuff like brain tumours and dementia etc.
In the meantime I am not able to work, got no help and no income and everything is falling onto my husbands shoulders and all I can do is wait. I am not ILL I just want some help to become employable. My assessment even says that in the report. Arrgh frustration with support systems.
Has anyone every appealed about benefit claims on the grounds of discrimination or human rights.
I am about to fire off a couple of letters next week to fight my corner.One more moan- I am sick of people talking to me like I am really thick. It is something I have really noticed lately. Especially so called experts. Annoying as in nursing we were taught never to patronise anyone and treat them all as equals and that is how I have always operated.
Thank you for letting me have my rant.
WIll appreciate anyones experience on the benefit, work income, advice, support cycle.
Chloe

[Magic_Lemur]

Hi Chloe,

Thanks for the rant!

I wish I could offer advice, but I am only 27 & would feel rude & condescending.

Still, I'll do my best.
I've found a large part of the problem is actually thinking you have a problem. Henry Ford once said that "If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right either way", and this applies a great deal to Dyspraxia. After WW2, what the government did with deaf people is force them to lip-read & therefore live a normal life. I'm a great believer in this idea & the idea that the problems of Dyspraxia are just the same as anyone else's strengths & weaknesses & can be overcome.

That said, the issues are still there & I find that I'm often not understood in what I say at work, and nor can I understand often. I also am often late & will have dreadful days where absolutely everything goes wrong & I feel like I'm 3 years old again.

You say you have "low confidence". From the way you write, I don't actually think you do. It's a silly test (and probs not true), but people who have low self esteem tend to refer to themselves as 'i'', rather than 'I', and you don't.

"following instructions, memory and bad co-ordination and organisation and the time management stuff"

Instructions - I scramble/ forget.
Memory - my colleagues/ friends regularly surprise me with things I've totally forgot.
Bad co-ordination - I spilled coffee over the safe yesterday & buggered up the entire alarm system
& Time-management - I once had to walk 3 hours across Oxford (& was 2 hours late 4 work) because I'd screwed up on the Park & Ride system.

***

Going back to ways of overcoming, I've found practice, practice, practice removes 90% of mistakes & there are just those huge other ones I make from time-to-time!

Lots of sleep is always good, as I find tiredness exacerbates things.

And there is also doing a job where mistakes aren't an issue. You say you've tried to be freelance journalism & so have I. The reason so many Dyspraxics are Journalists (e.g. Richard Benson) & Writers (e.g. G K Chesterton), is that it is near impossible to make 'mistakes' when writing. Editing, re-editing & using a spell-checker (if you're dyslexic) mean that the only errors you can make are in citations. And if you write creatively, then citations aren't needed.

Last of all, Humour is good stuff. No matter how big a screw-up I make, people will always forgive you if you turn it into a comedy sketch. It has its limits, but generally other people are grateful that someone has drawn attention away from their own insecurities.

Oh, and regarding 'experts', I have a low opinion of them - few of them know what it's like to wear the shoes we wear & I've had some bad experiences with 'Mad Scientist'/'Evil Freudian''s before...

Anyways, hope that helps!

[Robletthenob]

I am sick of people talking to me like I am really thick.

I'm only 17 soo to be honest I cant offer you any help as I have no real experience in that respect but I no what you mean by the statement above, that's why I tend not to let people know I have this condition . And referring to these so called experts, my parents were told my condition was so bad I would NEVER be able to do a number of things, one of the key things was I would never be able to play instruments of any sort, but I can sort of play guitar and I am learning how to play the drums now(which I have to tell you is very difficult lot of co-ordination involved ). I can refer back to what Magic Lemur was saying, if you believe you can do something you will be able to do it in the end I proved this many by the things I have achieved in my life that the experts told my parents I wouldn't be able to do (also if you think if you lack confidence I have learnt to laugh at myself for the stupid things I do that has always helped me) . I suppose what I'm saying is ignore what the "experts" say because they no absolutely nothing what its like to live with dyspraxia and be determined to overcome the difficulties of dyspraxia, I hope this post will be of some use to you Chloe

[babooshka2002]

I disagree entirely with saying that if you think you can do something you can and if you think you can't, you can't.

That has led to me being treated very badly by people I know because they think that if I just had a better attitude I'd be fine. As if somehow if I could convince myself that I'm not a clumsy oaf I'd stop dropping things, and if I convinced myself I have no trouble with visial processing suddenly all my problems would go away.

RUBBISH.

[Magic_Lemur]

I disagree entirely with saying that if you think you can do something you can and if you think you can't, you can't.

If you read the original, I don't propose this as the complete solution, but it is a large part of it. I appreciate that a lot of people take this sort of thing too far, so I hope the following story displays the right balance of positive psychology & acceptance.

There's a story in 'Think & Grow Rich' about the author's son who is born deaf & the author insists that one day his son will hear. He doesn't deny that his son is physically deaf, just that it should forever be a disability.
In the story he proceeds to spend 18 years of time & effort & eventually discovers that his son has very slight hearing in one ear & can lip read, feel vibrations etc.
His work in this field led to vast improvements in the condition of deaf people & ultimately to the development of hearing aids, all through a little positive thinking.

I agree with you that the Henry Ford Quote ("If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right either way") is a little extreme & things aren't purely psychosomatic like that. However, I think it is good to have the psychology that problems can be overcome, and even eliminated completely.

For the record, I'm a completely clumsy-arse Dyspraxic too.
I work in a bank & today I lost £200 working on the till. I also had one year where I made £10,000 in losses for the bank. I've written off three cars & occasionally have days where absolutely everything goes wrong & I wish the ground would swallow me up.
Still, I cling to the hope that one day Dyspraxia will either go away or not matter & something like Heaven might dawn...

[peterkeegan]

Chloe

What trust were you at? I am a trained staff nurse with Dyspraxia and Dyslexia and though I am having some problems I am getting them sorted slowly but surely. Keep applying for jobs, you can access "Access to Work" anytime, Speak to Disabilty Advisor at your local job centre.

Are you in a Union?

1 Look at the NMCs Reasonable adjustments policy.

2 All trusts and public organisations have signed up to the Disability Equality Duty, Disability Rights Commission to produce a Disabilty Equality Scheme and have it in place by December 2006. This states that employers have to demostrate how they will support employees with disabilities including dyspraxia.

3 Ask your line manager to produce a support (NOT ACTION) plan in consultation with a Union Representive, if don't have a Union Rep then get one As Soon As Possible to protect your rights.

4 Have Occpational Health seen you? Have you disclosed having dyspraxia to the OH Doctor (Normally a Consultant)?

5 If you feel you are not getting anywhere with your line manager then go to the Matron, then the Directorite, also speak to the Equality and Diversity Manager.

6 If have a report, get copies.

7 Have you had an assessment by ability net?

Let me know if I can be of help

Pete

[Osymandus]

Magic Lemur . Its not the idea that is wrong just the perception of it . AS water finds its own level it does so by flowing round teh problems . But those who say the know better who decide that this is wrong will become angry as yo may have overcome an issue with out the effort they put in. The means must also be there to devise an alternate solution . A squirral can of course never fly liek a bird but one branch of squirrels found a different way to do so.

Hi Artful . Its about doing life in your way , by being recognised with our condition people can know why you move at your right and way (we are know for our higher then average intellect and determination btw ) , as you know being in teh medical profession the more people get tested teh more data there is on us and the variations, until the knowledge is common and people relaise that not ever one can move at this supposed speed that is required for the modern and progressive world (both oxymoron's to my thinking but that's a different story ) .

Ill point to the Dyspraxia foundation again . Also you are covered under the DDA, people must make resonble adjustments , and surprisingly the Job Centre are very good and big with helping people to get back into work (im also looking and the disabiltys advisers i have spoken to do have Dyspraxia and DYspraxia as well of course as other disabilities). The i and I thing isnt true . As a whole ND people have a liittle lower self esstem as others in teh same way that one one outside social norms do and untill we can express ourselves and be who we are (which in time as i hope with all people registered as disabled ) treated as equal, but to take into account everyone can be though of as an indentikit form of humanity.

[Magic_Lemur]

Osymandus - I think your right with the water thing. Maybe that's the solution to Dyspraxia - to overcome it with alternatives or simply circumventing the problems with flexibility.
As Bruce Lee says "Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend."

About the 'i' & 'I' thing, I think it has some merit, although I have known a few High self-esteem Dyslexics refer to themselves as 'i', so it isn't entirely accurate.
Self-esteem isn't about whether people feel bad or not, it's about whether they feel worthy of happiness. As long as someone (like Artful) regards herself as worthy of happiness, then she will find a way to be so. If you regard yourself as worthless, then that can be half the problem. Do unto yourself as you would do unto others...

[Osymandus]

Osymandus - I think your right with the water thing. Maybe that's the solution to Dyspraxia - to overcome it with alternatives or simply circumventing the problems with flexibility.
As Bruce Lee says "Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend."

About the 'i' & 'I' thing, I think it has some merit, although I have known a few High self-esteem Dyslexics refer to themselves as 'i', so it isn't entirely accurate.
Self-esteem isn't about whether people feel bad or not, it's about whether they feel worthy of happiness. As long as someone (like Artful) regards herself as worthy of happiness, then she will find a way to be so. If you regard yourself as worthless, then that can be half the problem. Do unto yourself as you would do unto others...

Wu wei . I believe the way we think is conduisve and easier to perform

Self worth is not just happiness but also if you believe in yourself and your own created self image . Neve rmind being ND all sorts of things can affect that (sadly we'er in a catagory that suffers it quite frequently )