Any other parents worry they get it wrong?

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SansaBaby
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Any other parents worry they get it wrong?

Postby SansaBaby » Sun Dec 04, 2016 6:52 pm

Because I do all the time. I'm undiagnosed dyspraxic but I'm 99% sure I am as since my last post on this forum I've spoken to professionals that work with people who're dyspraxic and they think they can identify the traits plus since becoming aware of my potential condition I'm noticing and trying to combat my difficulties.

I love my daughter with all my heart, and she's too little yet to really understand that I'm dyspraxic (she's 17 months old) but I still constantly worry. She's not walking yet, and although I know it's due to have hip problems and not very strong muscles as a result, in my mind it's my fault and I should of done more to encourage her, afterall her cousin (once removed) has been walking since he was 9 months old and he's only a few weeks older than her, and all her friends at nursery are walking, in fact she's the only one in her room at nursery not walking, so it's my fault she's not doing it, despite the fact I've done everything "right" and she is in fact ahead in terms of her emotional and mental development, it's just physically she's 6 months behind. Maybe it's because I'm clumsy and I've accidently dropped her twice since her birth. She's also fallen off the bed twice (my fault again) and when in hospital a few weeks ago she climbed out the cot and hurt her arm - maybe that's why?

I fear I'm not feeding her enough or properly. She happily eats my portion sizes so maybe she's eating too much; she's a healthy weight and growing as expected. But maybe it's too much food or not enough I'm not sure?

Anyone else like this? Questioning everything they do as a parent? I do have depression and anxiety as well so not sure if it's that or a common thing with dyspraxia. I just want to know it's normal but hate asking my husband for constant reassurance, as he just doesn't understand.
Suspected Dyspraxic

Mother to a beautiful daughter (b. 28/6/15) and a cat

Tom fod
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Re: Any other parents worry they get it wrong?

Postby Tom fod » Sun Dec 04, 2016 11:14 pm

Please don't be afraid to ask for help and support and advice from health professionals/other parents/family. You are in no way a bad parent. Your worries and fears are understandable so please don't beat yourself up. Any parent in the same boat would have similar worries and fears so please try not to bottle these up.

You will naturally compare her with other children the same age but is this fair given they are different and don't have the same hip problem? I hope your post here has helped you to get your worries out so you can look at them more objectively. It is natural to worry and I'm sure telling you not to is a lost cause just as it would be for myeslf were I in your position.
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

nickye
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Re: Any other parents worry they get it wrong?

Postby nickye » Wed Dec 07, 2016 11:17 am

Hi

I think it goes along with being a parent worrying about your children doesn't it? You sound like you're being very hard on yourself - but if you knew what I'm like you'd think that's a bit much coming from me!

My daughter is 14 now, and I only got diagnosed about three years ago with dyspraxia (I'm no 48). I always struggled when she was a baby and couldn't understand why I couldn't organise myself well and do things like put up the pushchair or put the car seat in - well I could do it eventually but often needed someone to show me loads of times! My husband is a bit long-suffering. Now I know about dyspraxia my life is better, at least I know there are other people like me.

I think often we beat ourselves up, but everyone does struggle a bit, and now I work with people with learning disabilities and it's given me lots of patience. I'm sure you'll be a good parent in that you'll have lots of patience. I'd try not to worry about walking - there is a wide range of 'normal' and i didn't walk until I was about 18 months old, although I talked early (which set the pattern for life!) My husband also didn't walk until about 19 months, but he is not dyspraxic and used to do quite fast running at school. My daughter walked at about 16 months, and she is not dyspraxic. In fact she can do some practical like much better than I can, so we help each other out.

My Dad is dyslexic, although never tested, we're fairly sure. He always gave himself a hard time because he couldn't write a note to my teacher or whatever, but he has been and still is a great Dad. He always helps me and we understood each other well as we both forget things and lose things. But the upside is we have a good imagination, a good memory and like to help people.

I really think all these things have a positive side, although if you'd asked me a few years back I wouldn't have agreed! I have struggled with stuff, but actually sometimes beating myself up made it worse.

Have you been in touch with the Dyspraxia Foundation? Sometimes they have a local group. I used to have a local group but it closed, but now I get a lot of help from this forum and also now I accept myself better I find I don't have so many issues.

Please try not to worry about dropping her and her walking - I know it's easy for me to say, but I'm sure this happens to lots of people who are not dyspraxic. We all makes mistakes sometimes. It is hard work. Also I think the baby you said who walked at 9 months is very unusual in the other direction! There is a big range of 'normal' though.

Hope this helps. I know it is really hard sometimes - when I go out the house without my keys, and can't remember left from right - I do need to take my own advice! :)

Nicky

nickye
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Re: Any other parents worry they get it wrong?

Postby nickye » Wed Dec 07, 2016 11:20 am

I also think depression and anxiety are common with dyspraxia - I think now I know about dyspraxia (which I'd never heard of when my daughter was a baby) I am not so depressed any more. I think it's going around your whole life not understanding why you find stuff difficult and other people just telling you to try harder or concentrate or whatever. I do get anxious still, but I've learned to cope with it better now I think (on a good day!) Also try opening up to people - because lots of people will be anxious, in fact most of my friends have worried about their children.

Worried
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Re: Any other parents worry they get it wrong?

Postby Worried » Tue Jan 17, 2017 2:00 am

Yes. That's why I joined this forum just now to ask this same question. My baby is 3 months old and if I forget that sodding red book one more time... I worry that I'll hurt him. Also I swear the dyspraxia has got worse.

Tom fod
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Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 10:05 pm
Location: SW UK

Re: Any other parents worry they get it wrong?

Postby Tom fod » Sun May 27, 2018 9:05 am

If anyone is interested I've just learned someone has created a closed group for Dyspraxic parents on Facebook
https://m.facebook.com/groups/231952610 ... ment_reply
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)


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